Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Brute (rewrite)
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Iwillkillyou333 03:23, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||I like what you're trying to do, but you've not done it well. What you're missing is a storyline, something about them (either made up or not) and go with that, what you've done is written about the brutes and added some funny things onto the end, personally I don't like when this is done and its my review (poor you).
Your quotes are not really that funny, infact I can't see anything funny about them. Quotes are not necessary, if you can't think of a funny one, don't put any up.
The opening quote needs a pun, any pun, its really not funny and the spelling mistakes do not help but I'll go into that in P&F.
In habitat and nature, it reads like a documentary with 1 joke at the end, its a good joke about philadelphia and it's true. In the second part of this section is alot funnier than the first, worthless shit religion, and angry brutes, but the grammar and spellings lets it down, you need to add a few more jokes here, especially in the first paragraph.
The history section is good and funny, but your English lets it down yet again. The content here could be kept the same just proof read the section.
Diet, this section could be removed, you've already used the eating joke in the last section habitat section, expand on it there and remove this section, its pointless having the same thing twice and wont make people laugh because they already know the punchline, oh and the English needs improving (see a pattern here?)
There is no need for me to cover the other sections without me repeating myself, the English is quite bad and you could do with a couple more jokes in the other sections including the next but the article is done well, fix these problems and you'll be up at around an 8.
|Concept:||8||The concept is very good, however badly written it is, it's good so far and has alot of potential. A better re-write and you'll be on the way to VFH, it does have the potential to be featured and if you get it to that level I'll nominate the article.|
|Prose and formatting:||2.5||I've seen worse but I can't give you any higher, was going to be 3 but I just can't sorry.
I'll start with spelling, I'm going to point out errors that you MUST correct. vicous = vicious. Opening paragraph. probaly = probably. Bottom of history section.
And the grammer, going to do this for a couple, but its your job to do the rest, you speak English so you CAN do this.
"Brutes live on war-torned planets with heaver gravity than earth's, which explains their toughness" - Should become "Brutes live on war-torn(no ed) planets, they are tough due to the heavy gravity of their worlds"
"An Negative Brute" - Should be "A Negative Brute"
You also do not seem to have the difference between there, they're and their. Please fix this.
Just proof read it and the article will be a million times better.
|Images:||4||The images aren't that funny they're random and nothing special could easily be improved. So please do, even if its a slight edit or better captions, also the English again in one of the captions.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||Giving you 6 because this article does have something that makes it funny but I'm not sure what, just has that je ne sais quoi. I like the article and what it can become just needs a little love.|
|Final Score:||25.5||Improve some of the content and mostly the English. Better images and you have yourself a featured article here. If you want any help feel free to message me for assistance.|
|Reviewer:||--—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 17:38, 3 March 2009 (UTC)|