Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Bruges

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Revision as of 19:35, October 18, 2009 by ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs)

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FAQ

edit Bruges

Evilcoffee 07:44, October 18, 2009 (UTC)

I'll pick this one up later on. --ChiefjusticeDS 09:02, October 18, 2009 (UTC)

It is now later on. Review time. --ChiefjusticeDS 17:53, October 18, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 6 Right, your humour has real potential to be excellent, but it needs some more work. The first thing you can look at is the things you make jokes about, in it's current state the article has some good jokes, but the more of these you can get in the better things will be. Some help for expansion: jokes should also be as accessible as possible, it is fine making jokes about general things that Bruges has as long as you explain them properly and make the joke amusing, don't make obscure references, you are doing well so far and I would urge you to try to replicate that. My second point is on your current humour, it is pretty good but you should take some time to read HTBFANJS before you make any changes to it. Don't take this recommendation as a sleight on your writing ability but rather a helpful suggestion as to how your humour can be improved for a wider audience. I will suggest some changes for you: Firstly you should try to avoid being random, remember that people who come to the Bruges article will want to read something amusing about Bruges rather than something made up, especially since we have Illogicopedia these days. Think of it this way, it is better to say "Bruges has some quite a spectacular scenery, if you like looking at urban landscapes and construction sites which promise 'A better Bruges' at some distant point in the future, when you will probably be too dead to enjoy them". It is better to say that than say "Bruges has some amazing scenery when the Fwadlledack of the democratic republic of Crapistan and Darth Vader visited last year they commented that the city was "Just like being at home" and "Most unimpressive" respectively." While both are making the point that the city is crap one does it in a way that is believable and feasible, try to make this the rule throughout your article.

The only other thing I can object to are your lead-in quotes. Your Oscar Wilde quote is, on this rare occasion, OK, the problem is the other ones. Perhaps I'm incredibly thick but I didn't find the others funny nor did I feel they added anything to the article. But the decision to keep them is entirely yours. I was pleasantly surprised by the start of the article and I really think you should work on expanding the idea you use there.

Concept: 6 Again you have a good concept and Uncyclopedia always has room for well done articles about places. Your execution is where you are running into difficulties. It is fine to criticise the place ,in fact I would actively encourage you to do so, however you should try to avoid breaking your encyclopaedic tone. Try to avoid saying things that go along these lines: "Our insight into Darth Vader's childhood on Tattooine provided a great deal of insight into why he ultimately turned to the dark side (yawn)". It would be better to keep things encyclopaedic and if you must say that it is boring then do so in prose, inserting comments like the above as it sounds unprofessional and breaks tone when you are writing as a parody of an encyclopaedia.
Prose and formatting: 5 Your spelling and grammar are reasonable, but I would rather wait until the article is expanded to make some comments about that. Which brings me neatly to my next point the article needs to be longer, you have some excellent ideas, so put them into action! Your formatting is OK, but your image to text ratio is off. You might also like to use a town info box, modelled for you here by the article on Leeds. Anyway, you should have at least two images in an article of reasonable length, so with expansion a new picture should appear, see below for some suggestions on that.
Images: 3 Your current image is fine, but the caption needs some work, it should be amusing and should fit the article, so something like "The nicest building in Bruges, note how bored you become just looking at it." I realise that that isn't the zenith of humour, so come up with something of your own. Bear in mind that captions can make or break an image, so take some time choosing one. When you are choosing a new image think of the sort of place you are describing Bruges as in the article and choose one that represents that best. Be creative and invest a lot of time in it. If you come up with an idea for an image then you can ask another someone to make one for you, if you do decide this is the thing for you then let me know and I will direct you to an amicable user who does that sort of thing.
Miscellaneous: 5 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 25 There is tonnes of potential here and the main way to fulfil said potential is to expand the article and use some of your ideas and some advice, a neat combination of both works best. Remember that HTBFANJS is one of the most useful resources on Uncyclopedia for writers, please don't see it as just a tutorial for beginners. If you have any questions, comments or requests for me after reading this review then feel free to drop by my talk page where I will be happy to help. Good luck making any changes.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 19:35, October 18, 2009 (UTC)
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