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Ynis 15:27, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
- I can review this tomarrow once I'm done with school. Once I'm here give me at least 4-5 hours--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
|I like to write a lot of things, I’m pretty good at Pee Reviews, and the only award I had even gotten was a Author of the Month Award. Also I like Avenged Sevenfold, Modern Warfare 2, Halo 3, and brunettes and emo girls.|
|Concept:||5||Before I begin I am not going to be hard on this article as this is still a work in progress.
Now the concept sounds pretty good, but the way you did it could use work. For example; muffins? I don’t know if that’ll work, but it could be crazy enough to work. But later in the article it said it only comes from corn muffins, yet you said just muffins at first. You contradicted yourself. Just choose one thing and stick with it. If it comes from corn muffins, then say that first. If it’s any muffin, then keep it like that. Think before you put something else that would contradict.
Another thing that this article has that should not be is that it’s one big list. Now this is your first time so this is understandable, but I should warn you people don’t like list anymore on Uncyclopedia. Don’t ask why, but people think they’re unfunny and stupid. Unless it actually made in a good way that people can find funny. But make the article more into an Encyclopedic article instead. It may take work, but it works.
|Prose and Formatting:||6||Only one spelling error (howevever should be however). But you do leave out spacing and punctuation. I sometimes have that problem of not putting in punctuation, but I usually get it fixed. You will need to read your article and find these mistakes yourself or use our fabulous proofreading service, who will fix the mistakes for you. I also would like to point out that some sections have one sentence. We see them a lot, but I personally highly discourage them. If you’re going to make a section you need to make sure you know how much you’re going to put in there. And I also discourage making sections part of the discussion. I prefer you don’t do that even if someone else is doing it. Also, for future reference, avoid red links, they are annoying, nobody likes them, they don’t lead anywhere.|
|Humo(u)r:||5||Well, it was a little humorous, but many problems keep it from being funny. First, the advantages are really random and not many people like randomness. Even though it’s ok to be random sometimes, try to be more creative and use your judgment to know what would be good and what would be bad. Also make it into a paragraph rather than a list. Remember that discussion I had with how lists are bad? That applies here.
For the George W. Bush part, even though I like George Bush, I have to admit I cracked a smile when it said, “wait, that’s an advantage!” The actually disadvantages part, however, wasn’t funny. Even though there is one, it censored out and said bron is bron, and later say no disadvantages. I’m like “Come on there has to be something wrong with it”. Put something that makes Bron be a little hazardous. Like Nuclear power is great because its better than coal power (advantage), but it make toxic waste (disadvantage) Also, don’t use censorship in articles unless it actually contributes to the article (in this case it doesn’t). As for the George Bush one, maybe you can make a scientist or critic talk about the advantages and disadvantages and talk about that Bush one. Someone else would say delete it, but I liked it, so I say keep it.
The other paragraph that says Experts opinion on bron…… is lame. Put an actually opinion from someone would has an opinion on bron, not just say food. And the last paragraph wasn’t interesting it just said ‘’the beauty of bron is’’ many times, and the last three had = in them (there’s a limit buddy) and it has one sentence in it. Put more information on the subject that tells how good bron is, ‘’’WITHOUT’’’ turning it into a list.
The part that said ‘’ It is the number one cause of death in certain places, because it uses up muffins.’’ I didn’t get that, please put an explanation on why that’s the case or change it to something else.
And finally, don’t just facts about bron give a history about it (without going boring). Who discovered it? When was it discovered? How was it discovered. And so on. That get the reader more interested in the article.
|Images:||0||None. Very sad. I have to give you a zero because that’s the rules. It’s still being worked on, but just to let you know, for future reference, images are important to an article because it prove your points and gives more humor to an article. If you can’t find a certain image we got people here who can Photoshop one for you.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||My overall grade of this article. I did half because this is a work in progress.|
|Final Score:||22||I chose not to be harsh on scoring because this isn’t done yet. Anyways, great concept, but needs more work, but hey, it’s your first time. I came close to removing off pee review, but I was like, “Nah, I’ll be nice today.” But anyways, following my advice would help you greatly as you continue to work on it. Before I finish up here I got two tips. 1) try to use userspace rather than the construction tag, as the construction tag has a limit on it and if that limit isn’t met it gets deleted (editing it changes the limit, giving you more time, but I still don’t recommend it),m while in userspace you can work on it all you want for no limit. 2) Read HTBFANJS. Its helps, big time. If you have any questions and/or, just got to my talk page and I’ll be happy to answer/reply to them. Good Luck! Cheers!|
|Reviewer:||--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 13:16, March 22, 2010 (UTC)|