Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Brainwashing

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edit Brainwashing

Did a major rewrite of the whole thing; hope it's better than whoever wrote it in the first place =\ Numero Uno 15:08, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 6 A lot of stuff is pretty funny, but I think there's a little too much total randomness.
Concept: 7.4 Pretty good, even though it's a rewrite.
Prose and formatting: 10 Really good.
Images: 7.6 Pretty funny. But the head a sploding picture is overused.
Miscellaneous: 6 I say get rid of the footnotes and see alsos.
Final Score: 37 Not bad, but with a bit of cleanup, could be really good.
Reviewer: HNT♥♥ Look at this|Look at that |now it's time to sit & chat 23:31, 23 May 2008 (UTC)

Okay, let's take this paragraph by paragraph here.

Get rid of the quotes: Your article shouldn't have to rely on them to be funny, and yours don't contribute much.

The Gwen Stefani reference is a bit stale, and make sure your article has no redlinks cuz they're fuckin' ooglay.

The part where it says the maid saw his "dying scenes" sounds awkward; I'd change that to "death".

Take out the part about showing up at a party without a brain. It interrupts the flow.

I think the "variants" section is a bit superfluous.

You left the last "t" out of "Sesame Street" (It now says "sesame stree").

Take out the peppers in the brain image, it seems too random. Unless there was a place you mentioned that before and I just didn't notice.

Take out the "adverse effects of not brainwashing"...you just spent the whole article basically saying the exact same things.

Overall, it's not too shabby. It just needs a little more work. Keep at it, kiddo. HNT♥♥ Look at this|Look at that |now it's time to sit & chat 23:31, 23 May 2008 (UTC)

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