Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Bob

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edit Bob

NeuroticNinjaPirate666 15:06, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

Ok, I'll try this one. 24 hours... --Some Idiot Image002 09:58, August 3, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 2 The real problem about this article is in the concept section, so I'm going to go into more detail there. But in this section I'd just like to mention a few things about each section you've got.
  • Introduction: This is a very confusing segment I really don't understand it. Slow down and make it a bit clearer.
  • Origin of Bob: Tells the beginning of the world, but has no relation at all to this Bob. However, this is a great idea. Expand this little section. What happens afterwards? How is Bob created? Is he an extra character that Moses is blackmailed into writing into the pages?
  • Creation of the EULA: Er... doesn't really make sense. I actually don't know what the EULA is... maybe you could explain?

This article isn't very funny, but you've got some good ideas in your current sections. To make real improvements, read the section below...

Concept: 1 This the main problem with this article. It has no fixed concept. We have no idea who this Bob is, or what his purpose is. Your current things about Bob are completely random and don't make much sense. We need to rethink this article and build on it.

Step 1: Brainstorm. Think of everything you can that you could say abut this Bob. How did he come here? He is a heavenly spirit? What is his life story? His purpose? Is he actually a computer virus? We don't know whom he is, so give some detail. Most importantly, you've got to think what you're trying to say here. Just writing random facts isn't going to be funny. What impression do you want to give the readers? Is he evil? Is he lovely? Is he mysterious? Just random blabber won't be interesting to read.

Step 2: Divide all these ideas into sections and write them down on your page. Some of your current paragraphs are already good so you should keep them.

Step 3: Build on these different subsections. Visit HowTo:Make your Uncyclopedia article appear longer than it really is to find out how to make your article longer, and if you haven't visited Uncyclopedia:How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid then do so. Flesh out all your ideas to make your article longer.

These three steps will help build your article and also help the very jumpy and unclear concept of your article. This may be hard to do this with such an unclear article, but that also opens the door for a wide range of ideas that you could use.

Prose and formatting: 4 Well, it's ok, but doesn't look very good either. Not many spelling mistakes. However, you article looks really bad because it's not very long, and because...
Images: 1 ...you have no pictures. Now, I've actually put '1' as a score here because it's hard to get a picture of a character you made up yourself, but all is not lost. Here some ideas:
  • Get a picture of Bob. Or maybe a crowd of people, and say 'Can you spot Bob?'
  • Get a picture of George W. Bush or Hitler or something and label it 'This is not Bob. Maybe.' or something like that.
  • A picture of the conversation between God and Moses in the first paragraph.
  • A picture of Bob being created by God or something

And anything else you can think of.

Miscellaneous: 3 Averaged your scores and added a '.75' because I know you can fix this article up.
Final Score: 11 As you can see there are some big problems here. These are the steps that you need to drastically improve your article and actually make it quite good.

1. Make the changes to your paragraphs as I have detailed in the humor section

2. Build on your article using the steps in the concept paragraph

3. Add some pictures, using my ideas or your own

To reiterate, you mostly need help with your jumpy concept. However, this article has hope if you make the necessary changes and really try to juice out everything you can (don't forget to make it funny). I know your scores are pretty low, but there is no point paying attention to them. Just make the improvements and this article WILL get better. I hope that helped.

Reviewer: --Some Idiot Image002 22:03, August 3, 2010 (UTC)
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