Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Blue-ringed octopus
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Note: It is impossible to exaggerate when disparaging these monsters.
|I like to write a lot of things, I’m pretty good at Pee Reviews, and the only award I had even gotten was a Author of the Month Award. Also I like Avenged Sevenfold, Modern Warfare 2, Halo 3, and brunettes and emo girls.|
|Concept:||6||The concept could work, but the way you executed your article really downplays your article, along with this score I gave for this section. One thing I didn’t like is that, since this animal actually exists, most of this is made up. Even though made up stuff can bring humor, HTBFANJS states that. ‘’’The truth is usually funnier than nonsense. The funniest pages are those closest to the truth.’’’ Staying with the truth will bring much more humor than complete nonsense, as some people often hate nonsense articles. Another example from HTBFANJS is this
Stupid. Pointless drivel. Although possibly funny within the somewhat dry context of the page, without that contrast it lacks any kind of humor.
Funnier because it's closer to the truth. "CHiPS" was a real TV show. Blending fact with fiction, or blurring that line makes for better comedy. This is not a particularly hilarious line, but you get the idea.
I will explain more of the problems below.
|Prose and Formatting:||5||The first thing I like to point out is the narrative tone of this article. At times you tend to break from the tone preferred for this article to first person. That’s not a smart thing to do and will cause conflict and confusion with the reader. You need to pick a tone and stick with it. The preferred tone for this is an encyclopedia tone. So do that and keep yourself from being directed away from that tone.
Second thing I like to point out is the fact that at times you make the squid ,seem like a person when you say stuff like ‘’being a total jerk,’’. Unless you’re talking about a person, it’s a big no no. Something like ‘’they are very mean and not friendly in any way’’ or something like that would be more acceptable.
Third, some of your sections tend to be on that short side than how people (like me) desirably want them as. To fix this problem, you probably should expand on the information of each section, adding a little more flavor to each of them.
Also, there are a few grammar mistakes I would like to point out
I think that’s all of them
|Humo(u)r:||4||I’m sorry to say that I barely found anything funny in here. I shall explain further.
Most of the humor is based on sexual intercourse, which I highly doubt that would be considered funny. You make the creature into something like a deadly but horny creature who like to fuck other females. I think that would be considered stupid rather than funny in my opinion. You can still use some of that, but make it less obvious and less noobish.
In the feeding section, you said eat primary diet is the bottom of people’s feet, yet earlier diet is the bottom of people’s feet, yet earlier you said I hunts crabs and shrimp. Maybe you need to put that in the same section.
Also, I don’t think you should make the creature evil. Maybe saying something like ‘’it is a rather shy creature and will get quite aggressive if a stranger approaches’’ or something like that. It may bring more humor that way. Also, like I said above, Truth is always btter than complete nonsense. And because most of this is nonsense, is the reason the score is so low.
|Images:||10||The images are good. They’re plain and simple, but they support your article very well|
|Miscellaneous:||5||My overall grade of this article|
|Final Score:||30||I have to be honest, some of the other things you made that I reviewed were much better than this. But I have review things 20 times worst than this. Just follow my advice and read HTBFANJS, and your article can make a grand revival. If you have any questions/comments, just go to my talk page and I’ll be happy to answer them. Good Luck! Cheers!|
|Reviewer:||--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:31, March 24, 2010 (UTC)|