Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Blizzit BlowUrden
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You kinda have to know Drizz't to get this one. I am unsure if this breaks the "No RPG characters" rule, but the idea is to make fun of the Drizz't clone stereotype. --WarlockLord 03:53, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
|A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article|
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).
|Humour:||4||OK, I have to admit, I came into this expecting quite a lame game article about how this character is teh pwnzors and stuff. Instead, I found a couple of amusing lines dotted in it as I read on, and I kinda like it. However, it does need quite a bit of work, as a couple of lines and an idea with a little potential don't make an article by themselves.
Part of the problem is the intro, which sounds so much like just another game article about a character well known to players and unknown to the rest that most people will read a line or two and then click the "random page" button again. So you have to hook 'em early, and reveal some of your hand straight off. This is the trick - show people you intend to mock the uninspired "it's the same character model, but with a different hat" lazy approach to clones like this, but without saying explicitly that's what you intend to do. Leave the fantasy roleplaying bit out of the first line or two, and try and get a really good line up front, you need a chuckle in the first couple of lines or you'll lose people.
Try to write for a wider audience - OK, so Drizz't is a popular character (I came across a forum with people wanting Johnny Depp to play him in a movie while researching this review) but limiting the article to just those who know the game alienates a lot of readers. You know how the best Pixar movies have loads of jokes for kids, but some subtle ones only adults will get? Well, you can have a game article with jokes everyone will get, and toss in a few references that only fans will get. Gets you more interest, lowers the chance of this being deleted, see where I'm coming from?
So, widen your net a little, refer to other characters from this school of design (Luigi, Wario and Waluigi spring easily to mind, followed by Shadow the Hedgehog and a bunch of others), which gives you more to work with, and you can have fun with them! Maybe be dismissive of these as weak, lame ideas from children's games - the differences here are so much more subtle, and so much deeper as a result, man!
Your last two sections - I like where you're heading here, but you don't go very far. You need to expand more. I kinda like the "curved sword thingy" lines - make more use of repetition here by comparing them to Drizz't's scimitars using similar terms.
Also, don't rely too heavily on the "Emo" thing - people are getting tired of the emo jokes, and it looks like an easy, lazy shot. Have a line or two if you like, but don't keep referring to it.
Perhaps you can spend more time on explaining the differences you'll see if you "look under the surface, and at the bigger picture" - you can suggest all sorts of ways they differ that aren't ever shown. Choice of underwear, perhaps? Favourite vacation spots? Magazine subscriptions? Widen the thing, make it more absurd as you go along, play up the fact that because there are no real visual differences between them, you really have to reach to come up with any.
That should be enough to keep you ticking over anyway!
|Concept:||6||I'm giving what is, for me, an above average mark here because I like the direction you want to take with this based on the final sections and your blurb above. But it's nowhere near there as it is - right now, it stands a chance of being deleted as "gamecruft" - ie yet another article about an obscure game character by a fanboy. So take your idea and really run with it, if you want it to survive!|
|Prose and formatting:||5||Average. You need to make the intro more approachable, as I say, and generally fill out your article a bit. Your writing style comes on a little hyperactive, as if you know what you want to say but don't want to type it all, so you try to fit it in to a few lines instead. Have a look at UN:BEST for some of our better articles, there are some belters that might give you an idea on how to write this a little better.
Oh, and get rid of two of the three quotes - too many quotes is another thing that puts many people off. The Captain Obvious best fits the article, so that's probably the one to keep.
Formatting's OK, no problems there.
|Images:||4||One image, used twice. OK, so I can see why, but for your purposes, it would be better if the second image was just different enough to be noticeable, while being almost identical. The caption then plays up these massive differences, and you're away.
If you do expand, another pic or two would be a good idea. The characters I referred to earlier would probably do if captioned relevantly.
|Miscellaneous:||4.8||Averaged. Same as I always do.|
|Final Score:||23.8||Yeah, there's potential here, I think. However it's most likely to be dismissed as "gamecruft" in this state, so you have to put in plenty of work to bring it up to snuff. I think I've given plenty of ideas here, but if you need more, take a look at HTBFANJS - despite the name, it's a collection of really handy comedy writing tips, and it may well help you a lot. It does me!
Finally, remember: this is only my opinion, others are available. And good luck!
|Reviewer:||--UU - natter 21:21, Jun 30|