Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Blinkered worldview

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edit Blinkered worldview

I know there are no images so if anyone can add some that would be spiffing.

Pip Pip! Good Old Ted - LOB - What ho!

I'll get it! *Pee whore* :P Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 21:59, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
fixed your sig for you ted, hope you don't mind --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >}
Humour: 4 Now, a 4 means it's not QVFD or anything, and I know this is your first article, so I should probably go easy. Before I do a section-by-section, there is a problem I need to express.The article is pretty short. Adding a bit more content would help. Too much is bad, though. Alright, here's the promised section by section:
Identification:
First thing first: The repeating of the line "Immediately take your wet towel, stuff as much as possible down the test subject's throat and end their misery. You can dispose of the body in any way you deem appropriate." got a bit dull after a while, there are other ways to kill with a wet towel. I dislike too much repetition, especially when not in a list. Working in more ways would be good. And a hate tirade against Bush is not really incredibly original- keep in mind I don't like him much either. It's not really funny to insert a political bias in general. Just because I agree with what something doesn't mean I laugh at it- so, the first one is alright, but I'd recommend scrapping "George Bush (Refined)" In the first Geography one, it seems a little random. I would probably recommend moving the inbreeding humor, and also, why would they have a gun? There is an attempt at satire, but I don't really understand where you're coming from. The "Don't Pee Down My Back And Tell Me It's Raining" Line was pretty funny, and I think it should definitely be somewhere in the article. I think the humor here is generally fine; what takes you down is your placement of it.
Practical uses of blinkered worldview
Again, an outward political satire can be good, and the America-bashing and China thin are acceptable (Even though though that was more of an Australian dialect used for the America quote- although admittedly an American thing to say) but many people do not know where Yorkshire is or the way they act. This joke flies right over the head of people that are elsewhere, and won't be funny to them. I suggest making the world more able to get it. Also, it sounds like the author feels bitter towards those types of people. This is not good, as sounding like this is only applicable when satirical purposes call for it. I liked the way you worked "big" into the American section- well done.
Avoiding Blinkered Worldview
Well, it's good that you were original, praising Uncyclopedia instead of taking a point against it. But the first paragraph assumes every reader is not American- how can someone who is already here travel to America? It's just like the view that assumes everyone is a male. I would suggest you change this joke to keep the idea, but maybe change the wording. Also, in the second list bullet, I noticed it was straight sarcasm. This is rarely funny, remember to make sarcasm more hinted. It sounds like the author is angry at Islamic people, and anger in writing is usually bad. You need to try to make it sound like a neutral point of view.
Concept: 6 The concept itself isn't a bad one- your execution seemed a bit weak in places. Remember, always, that humor needs to be inserted in areas of bias. When I say "I agree" to something, that doesn't necessarily make it funny. Also, make sure that everyone finds it funny, not just certain groups. I really do suggest you mix more satire in your bias. Also, make sure everyone gets it. Read the humor section for more details.
Prose and formatting: 7 OK, your grammar and spelling were good, I did find a grammar error here and there. To remedy this, run your writings through Microsoft Word and use grammar check, or get help from the Proofreading Service. As for formatting, I felt some areas were a little off. It seems nit-picky to say, but make sure to only skip one line; your quotes in the "Practical Uses For Blinkered Worldview" section did not follow this. I do like that your paragraphs were not too long, as nobody wishes to read a huge block of text. But in the first three sentences of "Identification" should probably be combined, as the line skip seems pointless here.
Images: 0 No images, as you said above. Unfortunately, image making is not my strong suit, but you could ask someone on Uncyc for help with that, I'm sure they'd be happy to. I'd advise think of what images you want before asking for help making them. For example, you could do an image "This is what the world looks like to someone with a blinkered worldview".
Miscellaneous: 4.3 Averaged.
Final Score: 21.3 This really does seem pretty good for a first attempt. I may seem to be being mean, but I'm being cruel to be kind. I do think the article has potential, but the humor drags in places, and you really do need images. Use HTBFANJS to help with any changes you make. If you have a problem or for anything else, really, feel free to come to my talk page.
Reviewer: Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 06:44, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
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