Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Blarging

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edit Blarging

soviotkandyland | ())crayola))> 16:08, 3 June 2009 16:08, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Umm, i'm gonna assume you were trying to link to blarging, and get to work. Saberwolf116 19:19, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 1 Hey there, Soviot. I'm glad to see you're contributing to the site! I know I gave this a pretty bad score, but please continue reading. Alright, you make quite a few rookie mistakes on this one: first, something you should remember is that at Uncyclopedia, these days, we never, ever, ever use quotes. And if you do, they have to be exceptionally good. Things like God and Michael Jackson simply aren't funny, so i'd recommend you take out all those quotes, and rework your introduction. Typically, introductions are supposed to give the reader of where you're going to go with your article. Take the beginning part to explain away what blarging is, so that the reader won't feel lost while they're reading. The rest of your article...well, that's the thing: there really isn't much of an article there. Keep in mind that you can work on an article as much as you want in userspace, so if you want to work on this for a while, put it under User:Soviotkandyland/Blarging- that way, you can spend all the time you want developing it and bringing it up to code. If you haven't already, i'd recommend reading BGBU and HTBFANJS- they're very helpful, and typically give new users good ideas on how to write an article.
Concept: 3 Well, I spot a major problem with your concept: a concept like this can be good or bad based on the execution. Right now, it's not very good, because it doesn't look like you spent much time on it. Take a little while to look back at your article, and think about some things you could write about: what is blarging? How often is it used? Who uses it (avoid all references to Chuck Norris)? There are a lot of ways you could go with this, but you need to take your time.
Prose and formatting: 2 Like I said in the humor section, quotes make an article look ugly, so make sure to get rid of those. Another problem is that your sections are short, and look ugly because they're so spread apart. This could go along with expansion of the article, as well thought out and coherent sections should be a goal you should aim for, as opposed to a bunch of sections with just one line a piece. Next, your images are in the wrong place. Your first image overlaps between the introduction and the first section, no doubt due to your excessive quotes. Reduce the size of that image, expand the first section, and stick it in there. Your second image overlaps into two seperate sections, again due to short sections. Expand your sections and that should resolve this issue. Finally, mid-way through you have a list. Lists never work, and i'd recommend that you change that into a paragraphs- a constant rule for writing is that paragraphs > lists.
Images: 5 Slightly more on topic than the rest of the article. However, the main problem is that they're in the wrong places (see P&F) and they don't seem to give the reader enough info while they skim your article. Instead of having your caption saying "OWNED!" try "an unfortunate victim of a blarging". This gives the reader much more information, and gives them a good idea of whether they want to read the article or not.
Miscellaneous: 1.5 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 12.5 Your articles suffers from 3 problems mostly: first, you write it in such a style that assumes the reader already knows what it is- try to make it sound more like an encyclopedic article, with general information and lies blended together. Second, it's much too short. You need to work on this much more, or it might end up on VFD. Finally, you make a lot of newbie mistakes, so like I said before, take a look at HTBFANJS and BGBU- they are really helpful, and will give you a good idea of where to go.

Bottom Line: Work on it some more; explain it better, and read the aforementioned guides. Good luck! =)

Reviewer: Saberwolf116 20:06, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
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