Please aim properly when taking a leak on my article and make sure that it is clear, dont take too many viramins beforehand...
SirACROLOKUN • FPW • AOTM • FA •(SPAM) 08:02, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
As I said in my last review, your humour does leave something to be desired, and, as far as I can see, while you have made changes not much has changed in this regard. I am increasing the score, however, as your style is really complimented by the additions. The article is witty and seems far more professional now, than when I last reviewed it. You do lose marks because the humour is somewhat one dimensional and a bit of variation at some points would be refreshing. This is not completely necessary since the perspective of the review doesn't demand it, I only feel some alternate jokes would help people get through your article and make them avoid skipping sections.
I am pleased to see that you took my earlier comments to heart and had another look at this. I can find very little to criticise with regard to your concept now. The idea is engaging and fans of the GTA series will find it an amusing satire. The idea of combining a game with the life of a historical figure is an underused one, and while the idea is not totally original your article provides a refreshing read. By making sure you bind what you are saying back to games system you ensure that you do not drift away from the original premise of the article (see a brief note on this below)
Prose and formatting:
The reason the score for this section is unchanged is because, while you have toned the imprisonment factor down slightly, in executing a change you have confused the article slightly. The section on controlling the lime quarrying should ideally be located under gameplay, rather than in the plot synopsis. I would recommend putting a brief comment on the controls for the lime quarrying section in under gameplay, you can do this by transplanting them from their current position. No real additions are needed to the text, just move it round for the sake of clarity and professionalism. Your image to text ratio is spot on, but again for the sake of clarity I would suggest you swap the image that is at the very bottom of the article (the one with the caption on communicating with other prisoners) with the one that shows Mandela in the lime quarry, they would compliment the text much better in one another's positions.
Images are much better, your article looks, in my view, far more professional in the absence of the cruder screenshots. Once the formatting issue above is sorted I think your article has nothing more to do in this regard.
My overall grade of the article
Your article is much improved, from the last version I saw. It is excellent to see you taking criticism to heart and changing your article, and the increasing scores for each successive review demonstrate a real commitment to improving your work. I would recommend sorting the small number of very minor issues and then proofreading it again to make sure there are no enduring problems. Overall you have my congratulations for putting in the time and effort to make this article as good as it is. Good luck with any future edits.