Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Bland Gift Manual, Prison City (3)

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edit Bland Gift Manual, Prison City

I never ended up putting this through it's 3rd review...but I worked hard on this and really believe that it shouldn't just be swept under the rug... Anyway thank you for taking the time to review my article

Sir ACROLO KUNFPWAOTMFA •(SPAM) 05:15, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

I have some time in the next few days, and I did your original reviews, so I'll drop back to do this one for you. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:35, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 8 A quick point before I dive into talking about this one, you did put this through a third review, see here. I remember that it was during my summer review rampage, and I thought it was a superb piece of work. Anyway, not much has changed since last time and my prior suggestions still have some bearing, though you have done a bit more work in this regard. Your humour does become somewhat one dimensional in places, and you need to consider going through the article and trying to consider the humour from different perspectives. If you take one of your favourite articles, for example, and try and read it in a way that discounts the humour that derives from the main premise, in your article this part would be any jokes that rely on the idea that it is a GTA clone starring Nelson Mandela. You will notice that in the featured articles, you can still find jokes besides those that come directly from the concept. This is where your article falls slightly, while you get this spot on in some places, it doesn't work quite so well in others. If, as a reader, you come accross this article and you find the premise slightly amusing, but then find that a sizeable portion of the humour derives from that concept, you will not enjoy the article quite as much. This, essentially, is a very long-winded way of saying, widen the appeal of the humour a bit. I notice as I read that your article has all the ingredients of something special and is well on it's way to being so, but you need to take a bit more time to just read it through and to be very harsh with every sentence and every joke, if you think it needs work, then ask yourself why? Keep only what you see as your very best work, you have written enough high calibre articles to know what will work and what won't, use that knowledge, and still don't be afraid of asking another writer for their point of view on a certain joke or section. While I'm giving you an overview, another editor can provide the specifics for a problem you are struggling to fix.
Concept: 9 As I said in my last review, your concept is practically finished, what you need to do to make sure that your tone remains consistent throughout. I realise that your article has undergone a huge number of changes since Saberwolf's first review, but you need to make sure that everywhere conforms to the changes. One of the most crucial is your tone, at least in this context. Remember that you are writing from an encyclopedic perspective and that you should not offer opinions. I suspect you know the basics of writing from perspectives, and thusly you should check everywhere in the article to make sure you are consistent. This includes the image captions, you can amend the tone effectively in all cases, without losing the humour, or the point.
Prose and formatting: 9 I'm glad to see you sorted the very minor issue I flagged up for you last time. As with the other sections, you need to make sure that you sort out every aspect of this issue. Remember that you are aping a Wikipedia article here and thus all the contents of the article all in the correct place. Controls shouls be located in the Gameplay section, and the Story should be found under the plot synopsis. As I said last time, this is a very minor issue and that is literally all that stops your article reaching it's full potential, it has a number of minor difficulties that it is struggling to get past. Just don your best to deal with these difficulties.
Images: 10 Per my comments last time, just make sure you sort the tone in a couple of the captions.
Miscellaneous: 9 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 45 You have an excellent article here and there should be very little stopping you from trying to recognise the potential that it has. Just sort the couple of difficulties you do have and see what happens. Even if you don't manage to get past VFH with it, you shouldn't just decide it is crap, VFH isn't everything, and humour isn't universally similar. In my eyes you have an excellent article here that bears all the hallmarks of hard work and effort, so very well done.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 20:43, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
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