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Bitchass441 05:46, 15 February 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||Haha, well, it is different I will give you that! It reminds me of I maed a yuky doody. You seem to be a guy who is looking for some front page glory, and I am sad to say you won't find it with this one. Of course, this is a concept problem and this part is for humor. It wasn't HILARIOUS but it was quick, easy to read, and a lighthearted style.
I do believe you could have done more with it though. Like, for example, if you read the link for the article I put, you see it is a little boy talking about how he pooped all over the place. But he did more than that. He made it into a story about how his mom cleaned it up and he saw his daddy using his mommy as a toilet. I think that is what this article needs. Some little humorous addition to really pull this whole thing together.
Ideas? Well he had a birthday party right? Well an idea I have, is that on this day he is supposed to be able to fly. He gets too excited though, falls off and dies. That idea was really quick and if you thought about it you could probably come up with a better one, but I think it is important for articles like this to have a surprise ending. Just an idea by the way, no need to do it...just saying.
But...I did laugh I admit, so I doubled the score of your first article. I liked how he was saying something, and he would just randomly go YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY and loose his train of thought, and then get back on track, usually repeating something he already said. There are some good parts in here.
|Concept:||3||Eh, the concept is a bit weak. This sort of thing is always fun to read, but is very limited in directions it could go. I mean, you can only go so far. I think again, like I said in humor, you need a conclusion to wrap it up, but overall, this is really limited in where it can go. Also, before you write something like this, I suggest you write a few normal articles that are more encyclopedic.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||Better! Much better than your first time. I will again, try to be brief and will list a few suggestions that you pretty much SHOULD do if you wanna make this purty.
Second, get your grammar straight in some areas. I caught one which is in the beginning, you put "Right, is it so fun..." when is should be "Right, it is so fun..." very easy to fix and a quick readthrough will clean this up. Good grammar is a must.
Third, length. A good article should be longer. Add more story to it to bulk it up.
|Images:||7||Nice! Picture was truely amazing. It was funny, fit the topic better than any picture I have ever seen could and wasn't random. It REALLY helped tell your story by showing the preppy little guy. Adding one or two more wouldn't hurt though of maybe him at a birthday party or something. Just an idea.|
|Final Score:||24||Better than your first one. Not much room for improvement, because of the limit of the topic, but WAY better than your first one. Try making a normal encyclopedic styled article first. Put a few normal features under you before you start little fun projects like this. They will be taken more seriously if you do. If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page! Good luck bud!|
|Reviewer:||18:56, 15 February 2009 (UTC)|