Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ben Croshaw

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search


edit Ben Croshaw

I'm a really big fan of both Zero Punctuation and Mr. Croshaw's other work, and I was shocked when I leared a few days ago that there wasn't an article on him already. This, hopefully, does him justice. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:45, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm also a big fan of Ben 'Yahtzee' Croshaw so back off everyone this one is mine!--ChiefjusticeDS 07:06, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 8 I thought that was pretty impressive, you have a good grasp of the humour that actually makes Zero Punctuation worth two shits. Now that's out of the way let's talk shitness. I would suggest that you are careful about getting too carried away with the style. While you use his style appropriately you have to remember that when Croshaw reviews he is talking about a game, or something else that makes the escapist forums fill up with people moaning about how Yahtzee didn't review a game this week. To talk about a person in the same way does require a couple of changes. Namely to grasp the change in focus, I think you generally do this pretty well and would only caution against a couple of parts of the article where you wander off topic a little bit. While Yahtzee regularly gets distracted in his reviews he always comes back to a point and you have to make sure you do so as well. There were a couple of instances in your article where you seemed to distance yourself from something he would actually say, it is of paramount importance that you don't in this article. Even without sorting these problems this is a very amusing article. Incidentally, I think you should be aware that the humour is very highly dependent on the person having prior knowledge of the series someone who has not experienced zero punctuation may not appreciate it fully, but then you wouldn't expect them to be on the page anyway.
Concept: 10 I really like the way you have decided to write and I can't really fault your style at doing so. It is a very faithful recreation of one of his reviews and you use his own words and criticisms of others excellently. I can't really think of anything more to say on this, other than well done.
Prose and formatting: 9 Now, you should note that the above score makes an exception that I usually never make, and that is to exclude your grammar from scoring as Croshaw excludes grammar from his reviews. I would suggest you proofread it yourself to get rid of a couple of spelling errors. The images are ok and the article does not feel too long and laborious as they break up the text nicely. You are also to be congratulated for managing to put in text breaks and still keep the sections relatively fast-paced. A suggestion would be to redirect users who search for 'Zero Punctuation' to this page as otherwise this article may be missed by people who would appreciate it.
Images: 8 Your images are pretty good and I'm glad you have used ones from Yahtzee's reviews. I would however reconsider a couple of the captions as I think you can do better than you are currently. I would also say that there are perhaps some more appropriate images to be found in Croshaw's reviews than appear here.
Miscellaneous: 9 My overall grade of the article
Final Score: 44 Very good, besides some niggling mistakes the article is a superb recreation of Croshaw's humour and style and you have successfully transplanted a lot of his own sayings and criticisms into the article and used them appropriately for your own reasons. Good luck with any editing.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 07:41, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
Personal tools