Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Battle of the Alamo
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This is a strange thing to ask, but could you also make sure it's at least somewhat historically accurate (minus the jokes made for humor)? Having a blatant error that wasn't done for humor, at least for me, is a detriment to the overall experience. Do you agree? If you don't care for historical accuracy, then it's fine by me. This isn't Wikipedia, so my request is extremely idiotic, but I wanted to make an article that poked fun on history, so If I get some history wrong, then...nevermind, I should stop blabbering.-- 07:41, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
Well, here's my first review for this article, as I'm now going to analyze this article. --Lucyfer & his friend, Wlado! 00:15, June 15, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||0||First of off when I first gave a glance at this article, that it had absolutely no hummor at all! I can understand that you are most definately a n00bie, and also propably a former Wikipedian writer. Here are some examples of making some hummor, in which I want you to not copy, but also get the whole picture of what I'm saying.
INSTEAD OF: since Texans had to use friendship in working together while fighting Indian Raiding parties
TRY CHANGING IT LIKE: Since Texans had to use the gay little tree-hugging style of friendship in working together while fighting those noisy-ass Indian Titty-Raiding parties; where the Indians both drink 8 bottles of illegally-made liquir, and then trying to get some milk from those crazy but horny gyspies' big, beautiful breasts.
INSTEAD OF: there was a large influx of immigrants from America, many seeking a new life and an escape from hard times in the wild frontier
TRY CHANGING IT LIKE: There were large influxes of fat, rasist motherfuckers from America; many seeking new life and escape from those pesky IRS hounds trying to dig they're hourly $5 MILLION in income tax... up the residents' asses.
INSTEAD OF: which they showed by bringing thousands of enslaved Africans with them
TRY CHANGING IT LIKE: Which they brought a bunch of pnemonia-ridden, goofy-looking
INSTEAD OF: Santa Anna, the massive killjoy he was, sought it fit to remove the rights of Texians (the name for Texans before statehood), such as the right to freedom of speech and freedom of religion, and to increase taxes.
TRY CHANGING IT LIKE: Santa Anna, the great big dickweed he was, because he was molested by his father in his childhood; sought to oppress the bloody-hell out of Texians from all of their freedom, mostly so no one would fun at him because he was raped consistantly in the past. Did I mention that he's an ass-jabber?
See, like that. If I were you, I'd look at this article, Avant Garde Jazz, along with some hummorous featured articles. Oh... and be sure to add some hummor to even the ones that I didn't point out.
|Concept:||7||Concept is good. You've seem to have placed it all out, so I'll give you a 7.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Very impressive. In fact, for a first-timmer like you, your prose and formatting is better than others.|
|Images:||2||Same thing like hummor. How about you search RadicalX's Corner for some more slap-your-knee funnier ones. My advice for the Alamo building is to add a drunken guy wanking his small penis; or a picture of Santa Anna, but with a face in combination of Barack Obama, Hitler, and Lucifer mix together. And along with that, add a caption saying, Shield your eyes kids! This anal-minded dictator will make you take off your pants and give you a blowjob! Or any other job because molests kids!. But that's just me, and you should not copy my advice, but tweek it a little bit to make it your own original punchline(s).|
|Miscellaneous:||7.2||Overal, it's good quality. Just work on your humor skills, though.|
|Final Score:||24.2||Well, that's the advice that I'm going to give you. Be sure to heed them, and your article will be a legened like all of the other featured articles.|
|Reviewer:||--Lucyfer & his friend, Wlado! 00:15, June 15, 2011 (UTC)|
- Dante once said that people who provide false counsel get eternity on the Eighth Circle. I see bright, fiery things in your future. --
00:19, June 15, 2011 (UTC)
- What I took from this is he wants more hummers in your article. (talk) 07:00, 20 June 2011