Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Battle Royale (rw)

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edit Battle Royale

I spruced up this article, having been given a 17. I was shocked and appalled at myself by this result. I got 6 As at AS level and so am not used to this sort of result. I suppose it was a life lesson...

Humour: 5 Weak at the beginning, better towards the end. Get rid of jokes about emos and Hitler, they're overdone and cliché. One joke that worked fairly well was the one with the lego. However, I'd call the winner "her" instead of "it," which sounds bad.
Concept: 6 Weak concept, but it has potential. Just needs more work.
Prose and formatting: 4 OK, this was IMHO the biggest problem with the page. Many of your sentences are run-on, and you need more commas in some places. Also there was this sentence here: The remaining 2% were organs that could not express interest in the world not understanding them. I can't interpret it, and sentences like that really detract from the quality of an article. If you want help with stuff like that, there's always User:Ceridwyn/Proofreading Service.
Images: 6.5 The images you have are ok, just make the second one you have bigger, and probably add one more.
Miscellaneous: 5.5 The page is a little short, but that's not a serious problem. You also need a better ending, something that makes the page feel like it has come to a satisfying end.
Final Score: 27 Ok, here's the deal. You've got some ideas, but there are 2 main problems. Number one is that many of your jokes tend to get random, straying from the actual subject matter and mentioning things like Hello Kitty and Hitler which are mentioned and never heard from again in the rest of the article. Stuff like that has to go. Number two is the grammar. Just wait a day or two and reread it, then you'll probably notice what you did wrong. Otherwise, you can check out the proofreading service listed above, and get them to help you out. As always, read HTBFANJS, it's Uncyclopedia's bible, and if you read it enough times and do what it tells you, the features will fly.
Reviewer: P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:35, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
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