Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Bass (bass)
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- I got this one. The student finally becomes the master, eh? I'm kidding sir..please, don't lock me up in the cage again...--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 15:07, February 20, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||5.5||So let's break this up by section. Let's begin with the first section. Now, the first paragraph is good with that ironic joke about the DUMMMMM being important. For the second paragraph, the one issue I see, is your contradiction in the last sentence. "However, as all respected music scholars know, bass is vital to a concerto - equal to any lead instrument such as guitar, trumpet or mouth organ. Well, maybe not equal, but still pretty vital nonetheless." The last contradiction kind of kills the humour because it is like a confession that bass really isn't as important as you are trying to make it seem. Maybe take another ironic approach to this sentence, something like, "However, as all respected music scholars know, bass is vital to a concerto - equal to any lead instrument such as guitar, trumpet or mouth organ. Other scholars believe that the bass is in no way equal to other instruments; it is in fact, THE most important part of of music." The reason I suggest this is because you give off this feeling that you are trying to shoot down any stereotypes and negative views of bass, but this last contradiction kind of makes it seem like you are agreeing that the bass really isn't that important. I notice some other contradictions like this which I will reference later on. The main point I'm trying to make is, stick to one side of your argument by finding ways to defend bass against stereotypes, don't give in and agree that bass really isn't important to music.
"From Tyrannosaurus Rex (dinosaur) to Tyrannosaurus Rex (band) - The History of Bass" So, the main issue I find here, is the short length of of the ancient bass section. I think you could expand that last sentence to say something like, "However, after 300 years of playing an awful sounding instruments, the musicians realized that common metal served as a much better material for strings instead of gold. Such a discovery would lead to the creation of metal strings which were versatile, sounded better, and were cheap enough for people besides Bill Gates and Warren Buffet to afford." Just a suggestion of course. For the classical music section, I think you good insert an ironic twist to this sentence, "Another notable bass classic is Johan Sebastian Bach's Concerto for Bassoon, which is widely regarded as one of the best pieces of music ever written for the bassoon." by saying it is "regarded as one of the best, and only, pieces of music ever written for the bassoon" which asserts the uselessness of the bassoon, without making it seem like you're directly asserting that.
The types of basses section good also be expanded. You could talk about the different styles of basses specifically, such as upright, electric, etc. For example, using a wikipedia article on double basses, you can make some sentences ironically funny, like this one, " Before the 20th century many double basses had only three strings, in contrast to the five to six strings typical of instruments in the string family or the four strings of instruments in the violin family. This was due to the wide aclaim of popularity for basses, which lead many luthers to reach the conclusion that if a three-stringed bass is so popular, why not add another string to make it the ultimate instrument? Pure genius." Or, as another example, "In addition, while the violin has bulging shoulders, most double basses have shoulders carved with a more acute slope, making the bass a much more smoother and portable instrument as opposed to the cumbersome light-weight of the violin."
For the electric bass, you could joke about, "In the 30s, the first electric bass guitar appeared. The change to a "guitar" form made the instrument easier to hold and transport from its previous 600 pounds to only 350 pounds. Bassists around the world tried to raise their arms to express their enjoyment, but only those few bassists with arm strength were able to do so." This are just general ideas, I'll let you ponder about these suggestions. The Being Overlooked and the Eroticism sections seem fine as they are, so not comments there.
|Concept:||7||Talking about the bass is a good topic, especially since it doesn't receive the attention it deserves, or at least any good attention. So overall, the concept is fine, its simple enough that I can't really give you any criticisms here.|
|Prose and formatting:||6.5||Prose and formatting just has some minor issues. I noticed some grammar errors, which I fixed myself, but you should read over once again, just to make sure I didn't miss anything. Also, the placement of the Kate Bush picture with a bass seems a little off, because it divides the Classical bass section and makes the DUM DUM DUM DUMMMM part seem like a separate section. You might want to lower the picture, or move it. Aside from that, the formatting is alright and the grammar only needs one last check over and this part should be fine|
|Images:||6.5||Your images are fine, I think they are well suited, it's the captions I have an issue with. The first picture with the fish is good. The second picture with the ancient section, however, seems to have a misplaced caption. It reads, "You guys are great, all you need is a hot girl bassist. You're gonna be huge." However, the picture is of one girl holding a lyre, so who is the caption talking to and why is it talking about a hot girl bassist before you even bring up the idea of hot girl bassists? I'm not sure how to improve this though, I'm drawing blanks, sorry.
The tambourine picture also has an unusual caption, are you suggesting that the person will get hit in the head by the tambourine, or what? I simply don't understand what you were trying to suggest here.
The Kate Bush picture is fine, and that last picture may need a re-wording. Instead of saying "The hot girl bassist isn't unique to rock," you might want to say, "The idea of a 'hot girl' player isn't unique to the bass instrument." Or somethign like that
|Miscellaneous:||8||I would give you a 7, but as a fellow bass player, I give you a point, but since that can be seen as a form of corruption, let's just say that I gave you another 'grace' point because I liked the article. That should keep the uncyclopedia cops off my back. Aside from that, not much to say here. All the ideas I have are above and I hope that they help you out.|
|Final Score:||33.5||Pretty good work here, I enjoyed the article, but I also feel that the article has more potential if you can add some more things. I actually think that this article has the highest score I've ever given, so that tells you how I think about this article, right?....Right....Anyways, have any questions, you know where to find me. Hope I was able to help you out, sorry If I didn't, I have a bad headache right now. See ya, zoom zoom.|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 01:32, February 21, 2011 (UTC)|