Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Banhammer

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edit Banhammer

The-Administration 05:09, 26 December 2008 (UTC)

Concept: 3 Concept makes sense, but you only have one paragraph worth of text. Most of your article's length is from header quotes, lists, and white space at the end. Right now, you should be worried about adding more "space wasters", but it writing content. Although a see also list is more or less mandatory, it won't help you address your main problem, lack of content.

Generally, you shouldn't put articles on pee review until you can get them to atleast first draft stage. The reviewer really can't see what you are doing with the article, so can't offer you any tips beyond write more.

Additionally, I think your take on the article is weak, the ban hammer should be more about admins, and not about a mythical weapon wielded by internet memes. On the same topic, referencing Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, and the like is generally not funny. There are exceptions, but as a rule, try to avoid internet memes unless the subject matter demands it.
Prose and Formatting: 4.5 Although the spelling, grammar, and lack of red links look ok, you have too much white space caused by the large pic, and too many lists. Well, not so much too many lists, but too many lists for the amount of prose. As a rule, if you can transfer a list into a paragraph without doing damage to the humor, do so. Lists tend to attract randomness and rambling, and whenever you right a list, as yourself, does the reader want to actually read everything I said? The same holds true for any edit or joke, as yourself, does this section, image, image caption, joke, phrase, or list item improve the experience of reading this article, or is it funny by itself, but hurt the rest of the article.
Images: 5.5 The one image is funny, but its way way way to big for the article. Due to the detail in the pic, it might make sense to keep the image that size, but right now, the image is bigger than the article. It looks like a space waster. Also, if your going to have a huge pic, it might mean you need to cut down on images later. (Right now, you only have enough prose for one image) Showing a huge ban hammer might be funny, but it may mean getting rid of another image at some later point.
Humour: 2.5 I really didn't find this funny, mostly for reasons already listed. Too meme-y, listy, and short. Also, I'm detecting some embryonic randomness in the article. Like I said in the concept section, try to make this article about the actual ban hammer and admins, not about a mythical weapon.
Improvability Score: 4 If you can't think of more prose, you should probably consider giving up on this article. Maybe you could merge some of the funnier material (which, unfortunately, is limited to the pic) into an existent article on the topic.
Final Score: 19.5 NEED MOAR CONTENT & make it about the actual banhammer
Reviewer: --Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 19:08, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
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