Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Band geeks (2nd review)
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Added some pictures
GlitchMaster 01:58, 22 March 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||I like the sattire in this article, the intro is fairly good, it's not too funny, but it works in the way a good article should. One thing I'd like to query. "immediate testicle shrinkage followed by bodily necrosis will ensue." I don't understand/get this, could it be clarified?
In the life section it could use a little more humour in it. It works but it's a little dry on the sattire here. "They remain at the field far after everyone else has left, continuing to run their show, over and over and over." what is the field? what is the show? neither of these are specified here. Good points are that it is well written and works well, the idea is good, however it is incoherent in places such as, "This includes the most important one... Competition".
In species of the band geek, I don't know what you're talking about in the reluctant band geek section, I've never come across one and it doesn't make sense in the last sentence about denying at specific times. I'd suggest writing why here. The proud band geek one is fine and works well, could do with a link to Douche here. I don't like the stereotypical band geek because thats just a nerd and has no reference to a band geek at all. Ultimate band geek section is good too. The American Pie one is very funny, but this one needs expanding. The colourguard is fine I'd leave as is, I like the "twirl-girl" reference.
The so you want to be a band geek section, well its ok as far as lists go, could be funnier here but its a list.
The habitat section should not be in a list if you've already used one list. Lists are not that funny, even less funny if you overuse them.
Next section same as the previous.
I'm going to skim the rest because well because it can be summed up. The next section is bulky and not really funny, it could be cut down and be alot better.
The quotes, what the hell is this? Pick the best and put them at the top where they belong obviously.
Another load of lists, stop with the lists *head asplode's*
|Concept:||5||Concept = 3/5 implementation 2/5
Idea is good and it starts really well, but it drags out and is full of lists later on, it really needs a revamp.
|Prose and formatting:||7||Language and format is fine, good work here, didn't have to correct anything :p|
|Images:||7||Could do with some more at the bottom, especially like the big band one and the tuba one, I lolled.|
|Final Score:||29||Needs some work to expand the funny and cut out the unfunny, I'd say cut out the you know what as a figure of speech but JUST!!!!! Mordillo will no doubt argue with me again. Its got alot of potential, if you want any help on it feel free to drop me a message.|
|Reviewer:||--—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 14:13, 3 April 2009 (UTC)|