Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Avant Garde Jazz (again)

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edit Avant Garde Jazz

Here it is again! 107.5.33.113 00:59, May 10, 2011 (UTC)

Humour: 6.5 The humour is very good although somewhat repetitive, meaning that after awhile, we kinda get the idea that Avant-Garde Jazz sucks! The intro is great however, I wouldn't change much about it. Perhaps a good idea for improvement would be mentionning some Avant-Garde Jazz Artists and describing their awful style and music? Also this sentence from the History paragraph: " Regardless, many people with open minds over the years have been listening to the music and eventually; regreted how those "Intolerable psuedo-music Corperations" disrespected the msuic of Avant-Garde Jazz and making people listen to a bunch of autotuned Namby-Pamby, carpetmuching-crap" should just be deleted or totally rewritten. The paragraph about the effects of this shit is awesome: I lolled when you mentionned the dog who asploded.
Concept: 6 In my opinion, any concept can be awesome if the author can make it interesting, but I realize this particular one was a little diffucult to work with, you somewhat succeeded at making it good. Perhaps also a section describing an utterly sick and fucked up concert would have been a great addition.
Prose and formatting: 4.5 I'm sorry, but this is horrible. An exemple: "The sax is very prominent playing wildly as if the Sax is screaming for help to get a lawer and charge the player for sexual conduct, drums are played in a sloppy matter like an Autistic child would play it. The bass is played being slapped in the strings to emulate the sounds of some disturbing sex stuck in their heads, and the Piano is played also(...)" Besides the obvious spelling mistakes (I'll correct some when I'm through writing this to help you), the verb "play" is repeated 4 times in a short span. Verbs you could use are "perform", the bass "contributes to the cacophony", the player= the awful performer, etc. Don't be afraid to have a synonym dictionary on another app while writing, as repetitions like this tend to distract the reader from the jokes. Also, consider making 2 sentences instead of one when you're going on a tirade like this: Some of the Avant-Garde Jazz fans were abruptly sharing their strong feelings about their music being used for very funny mocking experimentation, calling it, "A form of unfair disrespect to the artists who have made a mark on that music, giving of them and abstract artists a bad name!" I read the sentence 3 times and I'm still not sure I get it.
Images: 7 The images are funny, no doubt!
  1. The first one is great and kicks off the article in a nice way.
  2. That is the weakest one. It's abstract alright.
  3. I don't know anything about captain Beefheart, but maybe a caption a little longer?
  4. Tuba thing: the picture is really good, but I think the caption could be funnier.
  5. The before and after made me laugh hard! It's a great thing you did not put a caption, in my opinion, pics that have captions in them don't need another one.
  6. Finally, I would get rid of the monkey picture, or at least move it just below "Comparison, so it doesn't interfere with the See also section. You gotta see your article as a Picasso, and the placing of that pic is disgracious.
Miscellaneous: 7 Since I am a nice guy
Final Score: 31 There are a lot of positive points to your article, don't get discouraged! It is funny indeed and it will be even more when you iron out those long sentences that make no sense (split them in 2) and the repetitions. Remember to always have a dictionary at hand. You seem to be better at humour than grammar :) (I'm not too good at it either) You're on the right path to a great article, bro.
Reviewer: Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:25, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
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