Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Arnold Schoenberg

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edit Arnold Schoenberg

Humour: 4 Well, it seems like what you're relying on for funnies is people thinking that busting on this guy is humourous. My impression was that you wrote this with a thesaurus in front of you, opened to "awful." Here's what I knew after I was done reading your article: You don't like Schoenberg's music. And I just don't find that very funny.
Concept: 4 I'd suggest expanding on the 7+6=13 thing rather than talk about how his symphonies made people commit suicide. (On the other hand, you could expand on the suicides or something. But don't just stop at "he sucked" because I can't relate to that.)
Prose and formatting: 9 Your writing itself is quite good and I caught no grammar/spelling mistakes.
Images: 6 I found the images alright; captions, of course, followed the same humour as in the rest of the article (which you know I don't find very funny as it stands).
Miscellaneous: 6 My favourite part is, as I stated earlier, the bit on his mathematic equations. Thing is, you need to make this part into its own section (maybe more?) cause as it stands, it's under the Music heading. Doesn't seem quite appropriate.
Final Score: 29 Anyway, I think this article's main problem is that it very thinly veils your own (rather vague) opinion on Schoenberg. Of course, people's opinions always sneak into their own writing. You just need to make it look less like a rant. If you decide to rewrite, drop me a line and I'd be thrilled to re-review.
Reviewer: vyvyan 21:03, 23 July 2007 (UTC)

Just to ask, have you heard of Arnold Schoenberg before? -- The fatgoat Talk (to me, obviously) The Crap I've Done 06:12, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

Vaguely. I actually read Wikipedia's article on him before I did your review, so I'd know something. --vyvyan 21:54, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
Ohh, okay. I suppose the whole joke about his music being bad makes more sense to musicians, I guess. Or at least musicians with a large working knowledge of music history. I actually like serialism, though I haven't really heard much of the music Schoenberg wrote. I've been somewhat obsessed with the joke of modern music being unbearable, even though I like a lot of it. I wish I knew why... Oh well. Thanks for the review! And thanks for reading the Wikipedia article on him too. -- The fatgoat Talk (to me, obviously) The Crap I've Done 01:48, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
I happen to consider Schoenberg as my favorite 20th century composer, and I was still quite amused by the ranting. It reflects less the writer's opinion than the public opinion he received during his life time. Even today, many still seem to hold the view that serialism/atonality is more noise than music, or at least that it sounds awful. I assume several changes have been made to the article since the pee review (I myself added the latrine stuff and all the quotes below). There's a couple of grammatical problems, and some others I would change. First off, I have a problem with multiple adverbials or multiple adjectives in a row without separating them with relative pronouns. The phrase "spontaneously lunatic random insanity" does a good job in describing itself, rather than Schoenberg's works. I suggest reversing the simile, for example "sounding as pleasant as a cat being shoved onto a hot grill" or the "nails scratching on chalkboard". Also, I would have this sentence instead of the one present: "However, no-one cared about the concerts or attended them, and the organization was put out of its misery in 1921." While the prose works in most other ways, I believe the article still needs more content. The truthfullness of his private life interest us not, and I would play on the insanity idea to the maximum. Be cruel. Make him spend his childhood in an asylum and escape. Put him in a straightjacket and watch him try to compose or conduct. Have him display signs of schizophrenia, obsession, paranoia and various kinds of phobias, as well as hear voices, talk to animals or inanimate objects and chat with dead relatives (like William Blake). Depict him attempting suicide, running around naked, walking around with a tennis racket everywhere (he did play tennis), storing his body fluids in jars or consuming them, founding or joining religious cults, embracing horses, signing his letters as "Dionysos" or "Jesus Christ" and doing other things popularly associated with insanity. Oh yeah, and see if my depiction of Alban Berg could be made any more retarded. --Unregistered Rascal
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