Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Apricot Avenger

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Revision as of 01:31, February 25, 2008 by SysRq (talk | contribs)

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edit Apricot Avenger

I think its funny, but I wanna know what other people think... also, I know that the street is a bit too involved, and I'm sorry about that, but the crazy artist in me says that I can't let my art be changed just so it pleases the masses. Robertodole 03:24, 24 February 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 5 The humor is probably the worst part about this article. The jokes are few and far between, and most of them are kinda blunt and obvious to say the least. A few of them made me smile, but most of them made me groan. Ix-nay the tentacle monster thing, it's an overused joke whenever anyone talks about Japan. Not really that funny or original, find another recurring joke to use. I like that you've recognized that this is the kind of article that needs a recurring joke, (to make for a nice punchline) but you just need a better one. It's a great article on the surface, but it's got no meat. And people come to Uncyclopedia looking for a nice huge slab of beef on their plate, not just a lot of dressing.
Concept: 8 I like this idea, and your angle is pretty good, too. Seems like you have a lot of external links to back this up, so you really only have one way to go with it. But I like it, there's certainly potential here.
Prose and formatting: 7 A little drab on the prose, your writing style just kinda plops the jokes out on the reader's plate instead of really taking time to set up a joke. Your formatting is golden, though. At first glance, this article is just gorgeous. Props to you there. That evens out to about a seven, methinks.
Images: 6 Images were okay, the ones you have are good. However, I would consider adding at least one or two more to break up the huge blocks of text that you have. Don't bore the reader. Something this long needs just a few more images. Keep the images you have, they're fine.
Miscellaneous: 5 This thing is just waaaay too long and not really that interesting. I appreciate that you're trying to get as much material out of this idea as you can, and you've done a good job of that. It's just not...good material. As I said before, you over use a lot of your jokes. There's a fine line between being consistent and being redundant. Either shorten it up or fill it out.
Final Score: 31 I've got to say, this is an interesting case. You've got a lot of material, but it's just not that good. You obviously know what you're doing with the formatting and such, you just need to get yourself a better angle here. Try reading over HTBFANJS, that might help you get some ideas. Holla atcha boy if you need any help, of course I'm more than happy to.
Reviewer: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF (@ 01:31 Feb 25)
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