Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Anxiety

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edit Anxiety

I created this article sometime ago and think its rather short. But I'm not sure how to expand it. Help? ZhelielCow.jpg » Zheliel Talk Contribs Cow » 08:07, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 4 Sorry to say but the top quotes were poor. Wilde and Yoda are very cliche and only work in very specific circumstances. I'm not counting them as part of the article though.

Anxiety is the form of ultimate knowledge and the sign of ultimate wisdom. Ok, you have a good idea; smart people are often anxious about things. However I still think you need a deeper concept. Concept is the most important part of humour in an article. Read Bouncy Castle and see how it sticks to the concept while throwing in random lines here and there, that is the angle you should take with this idea.

Ok, Llamas, still salvageable.

The username thing. NEVER use it. EVER.

Nostradamus is good, he could tell the future and therefore would be anxious right? The Llama part is fairly useless here, build upon why Nostradamus was anxious.

The history part just chucks things in randomly, but the idea of Adam works. He would be anxious because of the fruit, and to keep the wife quiet while he watches bears wrestling or something. Referencing Wikipedia is pointless here, use the Adam part to explain the origin and then branch off into funny historical examples of anxiety.

The first paragraph in the Modern world part is getting somewhere, ideally you should start with a description of anxiety before giving examples. The Mona Lisa/Karl Marx thing is way too random and doesn't really add anything. With Galelio you have another smart person you can use as an example, but you just throw in some randomness. Why would he have been anxious? Explain that then add the randomness to compliment the seriousness. That is when randomness has its greatest effect.

The conclusion goes nowhere, just more pointless randomness. Anxietarianism sounds like it could be made into a fake religion of which you could say that smart people are members. Thus forming anxiety into some kind of great conspiracy, which would add irony to the article.

Don't be anxious, it's just notes -- Aaah! was funny but all the notes are too random and have little relevance.

Concept: 3 Smart people are anxious could work. You don't really build on that though, you need to do more than throw in random junk because as it is now the concept is just randomness with little direction.
Prose and formatting: 6 The crossing out quickly became annoying and doesn't really add to the article or its humour. I suggest you read Bouncy Castle to see how to pace an article with some randomness here and more serious stuff there.
Images: 5 Most were irrelevant, find some pictures of either people looking anxious or historical examples. Go to Uncyclopedia:RadicalX's Corner if you want some fake looking historical images photo-shopped because those would add greatly.
Miscellaneous: 4.5 Averaged.
Final Score: 22.5 Really there is just too much randomness and too little actual article. First figure out the concept you want then build the article around that and add in the randomness then. I think you can improve it, you did have good ideas such as Adam and Galelio but you need more than just randomness for it to work. Also read HTBFANJS, that would give ideas for more serious sections of the article (that you need).
Reviewer: --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 06:56, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
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