Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Anna Pavlova (ballet dancer)

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===[[Anna Pavlova (ballet dancer)]]===
 
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This article was first created as a replacement for "Anna Pavlova" one. However now they both co-exist together.
 
This article was first created as a replacement for "Anna Pavlova" one. However now they both co-exist together.
 
'''I have problems with the link. Please, follow [[Anna Pavlova (ballet dancer)|this one]] to get to my article and not the one at the top!'''
 
 
{{User:Anton199/sig}} 05:42, June 13, 2013 (UTC)
 
{{User:Anton199/sig}} 05:42, June 13, 2013 (UTC)
   
{{Pee Review Table
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<nowiki>{{Review_request|05:42, June 13, 2013 (UTC)}}</nowiki>
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[[Category:Pee Review]]
 
[[Category:Pee Review]]
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== Reviewed ==
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{{Review template
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|ReviewLite=<!-- Add your review below-->
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This lite pee review is mostly suggestions with a little motivational paragraph at the end.
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Execution of the dying swan is rife with possible punchlines. How do you execute someone who is dying? Or she could also have given birth to a living dance method. Or you could mention with what method she executed the swan (hanging, fire squad, forced to dance ontop of nails etc...)
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Pavlova was born to an ordinary family (then describe elements about the family which paints them as NOTHING ordinary at all.
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The line about the Father dying is great. One idea is to explain doubt on one side and then the obiouse on the other i.e. It is not known if her father died one or two years after she was born though it is fairly certain that her mother was alive before Pavlova's birth.
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The second paragraph in the early years...I'm not sure why it's there. It informs...but there is either missing relevance or humour (or both).
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The last paragraph is built on a good idea but perhaps not executed so well. One way to make a tired line humerous is to extend it to the absurd. Perhaps describe a dancing spectacle that she's attending that increasingly becomes more amazing yet the girl gets more bored. By the time the elephants are dancing ontop of beachballs while fireballs crackle over the audience...is when she feels so suffocated by boredom that she'll pass away. At this point...her willing to do ANYTHING to get out of going to the ballet will suffice...even if it means studying ballet.
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Career: In the first paragraph consider listing more than one example of techniques that she cannot obey. Each one getting funnier (that doesn't necesarily mean each one being absurd or stupid). Humour often works in threes. For example: She failed to obey showing up to rehearsal, she couldn't remember to dance while on stage and she was incapable of eating a carb free diet while preparing for the role of the anorexic Cinderella.
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When she demands a bigger dressing room you could compare it to her previous one which was rediculously small.
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How did she get to be the lead dancer. What did she do to get there? Why was she chosen over far more talented dancers?
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Give an example of a ballet by Marx. "Das Kapital on Ice" for example.
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The joke at the end of paragraph five is great. Though consider exagerating it even more. "She reached a real low when she was reduced to performing extremely lucrative solo acts at the best ballet companies in the world."
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With the swans in the back yard. One way to make this funny is to label animal rights activists as the opposite of what they are complaining: "The swans ate high quality cornmeal and roamed around the back garden freely when they should have been roasting in the oven".
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In the death section...I'm not sure what your motivation is for writing it. Sometimes it's better to allow one moment of happiness in an otherwise comical tragic life. For instance she danced infront of a giant audience and then passed away during the standing ovation in pure happiness. Meanwhile at the after party they burnt her ontop of a funeral pyre while drinking martinis and eating Swan paté. (for example).
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Sport:Helarious and very well written!
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Legacy: The dessert idea is great. Consider taking it somewhere not expected (starting wars is a common way to make something funny).
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The "house of historical interest" is also a great idea. But consider giving a helarious reason why its made a house of interest which has nothing to do with her life as a dancer.
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In the final line consider exagerating the difference between her memory in the english speaking world and lack of memory in Russia. For example:
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She has fifty statues around the world and dance schools named after her. While in Russia...people prefer to glorify her life by banning any mention of her in public.
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Concept: Do you have an over all concept for the article? Why are you writing it? Is there anything in particular you want to say? Having a motivation for writing it or combining the biography of her life with something else can help make it a more solid and funny article. For example: Her career could mirror the history of Russian politics. Or you could focus on one element of her life throughout (always trying to be a better dancer...but never quite achieving it) or comparing her career with that of a stripper dancer etc... Once you have a motivation for writing the article or a clear theme (or secondary theme) the article practically writes itself and there will be far more inspiration for commedy and different sections.
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The images are sort of typical. Try to find an image that you wouldn't expect...or that has nothing to do with her life but is connected to the article with a clever caption. (the baseball image was funny).
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The article you have is a great start...a solid foundation with some funny lines and many opportunities do draw out the humour thats practically written between the lines.
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|Rscore=<!-- Add a score here, if you want to, out of 10. Otherwise, just leave this part blank-->
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6.5
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|Signature=--{{User:Shabidoo/sig}} 10:35, December 26, 2013 (UTC)
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}}

Latest revision as of 11:09, February 20, 2014

FAQ

edit Anna Pavlova (ballet dancer)

This article was first created as a replacement for "Anna Pavlova" one. However now they both co-exist together. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 05:42, June 13, 2013 (UTC)

{{Review_request|05:42, June 13, 2013 (UTC)}}

edit Reviewed

Reviewer details

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{{{Reviewer}}}

Humour

How and why is it funny? Any suggestions?

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Concept

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Prose and Formatting

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Prose and Formatting

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Writing style
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Spelling
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Grammar
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Layout
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Images

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--ShabiDOO 10:35, December 26, 2013 (UTC)
This lite pee review is mostly suggestions with a little motivational paragraph at the end.

Execution of the dying swan is rife with possible punchlines. How do you execute someone who is dying? Or she could also have given birth to a living dance method. Or you could mention with what method she executed the swan (hanging, fire squad, forced to dance ontop of nails etc...)

Pavlova was born to an ordinary family (then describe elements about the family which paints them as NOTHING ordinary at all.

The line about the Father dying is great. One idea is to explain doubt on one side and then the obiouse on the other i.e. It is not known if her father died one or two years after she was born though it is fairly certain that her mother was alive before Pavlova's birth.

The second paragraph in the early years...I'm not sure why it's there. It informs...but there is either missing relevance or humour (or both).

The last paragraph is built on a good idea but perhaps not executed so well. One way to make a tired line humerous is to extend it to the absurd. Perhaps describe a dancing spectacle that she's attending that increasingly becomes more amazing yet the girl gets more bored. By the time the elephants are dancing ontop of beachballs while fireballs crackle over the audience...is when she feels so suffocated by boredom that she'll pass away. At this point...her willing to do ANYTHING to get out of going to the ballet will suffice...even if it means studying ballet.

Career: In the first paragraph consider listing more than one example of techniques that she cannot obey. Each one getting funnier (that doesn't necesarily mean each one being absurd or stupid). Humour often works in threes. For example: She failed to obey showing up to rehearsal, she couldn't remember to dance while on stage and she was incapable of eating a carb free diet while preparing for the role of the anorexic Cinderella.

When she demands a bigger dressing room you could compare it to her previous one which was rediculously small.

How did she get to be the lead dancer. What did she do to get there? Why was she chosen over far more talented dancers?

Give an example of a ballet by Marx. "Das Kapital on Ice" for example.

The joke at the end of paragraph five is great. Though consider exagerating it even more. "She reached a real low when she was reduced to performing extremely lucrative solo acts at the best ballet companies in the world."

With the swans in the back yard. One way to make this funny is to label animal rights activists as the opposite of what they are complaining: "The swans ate high quality cornmeal and roamed around the back garden freely when they should have been roasting in the oven".

In the death section...I'm not sure what your motivation is for writing it. Sometimes it's better to allow one moment of happiness in an otherwise comical tragic life. For instance she danced infront of a giant audience and then passed away during the standing ovation in pure happiness. Meanwhile at the after party they burnt her ontop of a funeral pyre while drinking martinis and eating Swan paté. (for example).

Sport:Helarious and very well written!

Legacy: The dessert idea is great. Consider taking it somewhere not expected (starting wars is a common way to make something funny).

The "house of historical interest" is also a great idea. But consider giving a helarious reason why its made a house of interest which has nothing to do with her life as a dancer.

In the final line consider exagerating the difference between her memory in the english speaking world and lack of memory in Russia. For example:

She has fifty statues around the world and dance schools named after her. While in Russia...people prefer to glorify her life by banning any mention of her in public.

Concept: Do you have an over all concept for the article? Why are you writing it? Is there anything in particular you want to say? Having a motivation for writing it or combining the biography of her life with something else can help make it a more solid and funny article. For example: Her career could mirror the history of Russian politics. Or you could focus on one element of her life throughout (always trying to be a better dancer...but never quite achieving it) or comparing her career with that of a stripper dancer etc... Once you have a motivation for writing the article or a clear theme (or secondary theme) the article practically writes itself and there will be far more inspiration for commedy and different sections.

The images are sort of typical. Try to find an image that you wouldn't expect...or that has nothing to do with her life but is connected to the article with a clever caption. (the baseball image was funny).

The article you have is a great start...a solid foundation with some funny lines and many opportunities do draw out the humour thats practically written between the lines.
This was a Pee Review by --ShabiDOO 10:35, December 26, 2013 (UTC)
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