||I was disappointed by some of the humor tactic, which included strange randomness. Blatant inconsistency, and some badish jokes. Some of the jokes were actually fairly funny though. My advice is to stop making jokes within joke, i.e. random inconsistency. Instead, follow a clear and consistent path, laying down the jokes like gold bricks one at a time. Sometimes less, yet more carefully thought-out, and organized humor is the best.
||It's hard to say whether this concept has a lot of potential. I'm pretty sure there are better subjects to parody, as this one is kind of abstract and complicated.
|Prose and formatting:
||Please read HTBFANJS, the prose needs a fair piece of work. As much randomness as this had can't be considered prose. The formatting is fine, but it could be beautified a bit, I suppose.
||The image is fine, and the caption is good, but it's not that funny. You need some humorous images.
||What was that about those super-long Muslim names (yes, I saw the Hashish bit) and about shooting at a row-boat for 30 Minutes. That's makes the article loose points because it is a bit on the odd side.
||Ok, so here's my take on it. Your writing style and writing ability have a lot of potential. I'm afraid that for me at least, this article would be hard to make both very funny and not use over-absurdness. I think it definitely could be done, but in the future stay away from the overly absurd, and remember that a joke with some truth in it is always funnier. For Example: (funny) "After leaving the White House, Bill Clinton became a Pimp so that he could "get some ass" anytime without having to ask the Republicans first."
"After leaving the White House, Bill Clinton became a gay Nazi commando, and hunted yellow Chimpanzees in Texas in return for BJs from Your Mom"
I hope this helps :)
||--Major'GUN' Ggarfield, Le Marquis de Nofu .Complex! 05:46, 8 December 2007 (UTC)