Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/American Graffiti

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Revision as of 21:22, August 10, 2008 by Knucmo2 (talk | contribs)

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FAQ

edit American Graffiti

It is preferrable that if you urinate on this article that you have seen the American Graffiti film as well as all of the Star Wars movies.

Wi Account ki 00:40, 15 June 2008 (UTC)

I apologize for the long wait but it doesn't look like anyone meets that criteria... --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 04:56, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
Humour: 5 Well, the article was very factual. And that is part of the problem - the intro was not particularly funny and was too serious. I've had this problem in some of the articles I've started, so its an error I am quite attuned to (I used to write for Wikipedia so that probably explains it!). It certainly needs lightening up.

The same goes for the main-body - though I appreciate the parody, its not really utilised for humorous effect. The bright point was the epilogue - some good laughs in there - particularly Leia and the Jedi-mind trick (Though isn't she technically a Jedi herself? And hence not vulnerable :P).

Concept: 6 The concept is fairly good, and I've have seen a lot of Lucasfilm stuff. But you the point is to make people relate to it, and if you want it to feature then non-experts will have to find it funny too. I would maybe focus on making the Jedi's seem a bit more childish and inexperienced like the guys are in American Graffiti.
Prose and formatting: 8 No gripes here.
Images: 6 The images were of OK quality and they were relevant to the issue - I would maybe find a better one of the wolf, and somehow try to make it a bit more humorous. The prose already tells us that Wolfman is indeed, a wolf, so use the caption in the image for a one-liner or something - they can really make or break an article, and I often look at some articles just for the fantastic images and one-liners (even if they have torrid prose!)
Miscellaneous: 6.25 Averaged.
Final Score: 31.25 The story you've got is good, and I like how you've taken the Graffiti story and put Star Wars characters over it, but it just needs to be made more funny, and on the plus-side there are plenty of truthful things for you to make funny. I would recommend reading HTBFANJS, but more importantly, studying the real masters of humour, who are not to be found on here, but in the world of comedy.
Reviewer: --Knucmo2 21:22, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
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