Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/American Graffiti
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It is preferrable that if you urinate on this article that you have seen the American Graffiti film as well as all of the Star Wars movies.
Wi Account ki 00:40, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
- I apologize for the long wait but it doesn't look like anyone meets that criteria... -- 04:56, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||Well, the article was very factual. And that is part of the problem - the intro was not particularly funny and was too serious. I've had this problem in some of the articles I've started, so its an error I am quite attuned to (I used to write for Wikipedia so that probably explains it!). It certainly needs lightening up.|
The same goes for the main-body - though I appreciate the parody, its not really utilised for humorous effect. The bright point was the epilogue - some good laughs in there - particularly Leia and the Jedi-mind trick (Though isn't she technically a Jedi herself? And hence not vulnerable :P).
|Concept:||6||The concept is fairly good, and I've have seen a lot of Lucasfilm stuff. But you the point is to make people relate to it, and if you want it to feature then non-experts will have to find it funny too. I would maybe focus on making the Jedi's seem a bit more childish and inexperienced like the guys are in American Graffiti.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||No gripes here.|
|Images:||6||The images were of OK quality and they were relevant to the issue - I would maybe find a better one of the wolf, and somehow try to make it a bit more humorous. The prose already tells us that Wolfman is indeed, a wolf, so use the caption in the image for a one-liner or something - they can really make or break an article, and I often look at some articles just for the fantastic images and one-liners (even if they have torrid prose!)|
|Final Score:||31.25||The story you've got is good, and I like how you've taken the Graffiti story and put Star Wars characters over it, but it just needs to be made more funny, and on the plus-side there are plenty of truthful things for you to make funny. I would recommend reading HTBFANJS, but more importantly, studying the real masters of humour, who are not to be found on here, but in the world of comedy.|
|Reviewer:||--Knucmo2 21:22, 10 August 2008 (UTC)|