From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
New article, need some feedback. IronLung 21:16, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
PEE REVIEW IN PROGRESS
of giving you his opinion and pretending you care.
- I'll get this one. Soon. 18:24, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||7.5||Hey IL! Let's see what we've got here.
|Concept:||7||The basic concept here is "A fundamentalist muslim cricket team that murders Cricketers who are too polite to object." That's a very strong concept. Unfortunately, some other stuff dilutes it - mostly, the famous authors and the crisis of conscience. Those should go. What I'm worried about here, though, is that too much of the joke is in the concept itself - and therefore in the lede. It starts very, very strong, but limps over the finish line.|
|Prose and formatting:||10||Your prose is awesome. Your formatting is good.|
|Images:||7||The images don't really add a lot of humor to the article, but they help with the formatting. They're fine.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||Because I want your final score to be 37.5. Better than "solid" (35); not as good as "probable feature" (40). At least, not yet.|
|Final Score:||37.5||I think I've said my whole piece here. You've got a funny concept and a well-written article, but somehow it doesn't quite come together. What this needs is some kind of plot twist. I'm looking at an article that makes me laugh out loud in the first three sentences and then doesn't deliver on its promise to keep me laughing. But clean up the concept a bit and pepper the article with two or three really funny, surprising, out-of-nowhere lines, and you've got yourself a feature. Good luck!|
|Reviewer:||00:04, 15 January 2009 (UTC)|
Just to add that I was on the verge of peeing this when Hyperbole stepped into the breach, and I am so glad you created this article, as it led me to the real story, which actually has a lot of scope in itself. When I initially read what you'd done, I had similar thoughts to Hyperbole, but then I delved into the history and found it almost as bizarre as your own article, and understand what you've done here - but without that relatively obscure knowledge, I can see how the joke might fall flat. My only regret is the fact that a book appears to be in preparation detailing the history - it's just the sort of thing I'd love to turn my hand to. Work on this ... your take has scope. --Asahatter (annoy) 00:33, 15 January 2009 (UTC)