Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Alberto Gonzales
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A little rewrite of mine. Got pee'd three before, and improvements were made. Any more suggestions for expansion?--18:32, 22 December 2007 (UTC)
Notes: There's a request at UN:PIC. Also, the past review said it might be VFH worthy with a bit of work. I did do some work, however, I don't think it's VFH-worthy yet, though I could be wrong-- 23:00, 22 December 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||I felt humor was somewhat lacking. It got better toward the end, see endnotes.|
|Concept:||8||Notable political figure. Good subject for comedy and/or satire.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||Mostly well-written, but could use improvement.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||I like this well enough and hope it succeeds.|
|Reviewer:||----OEJ 00:57, 31 December 2007 (UTC)|
The Easy Bit: There are some infelicities in language. One does not go to "speak at a testimony", one is summoned for a hearing or invited to give testimony. Probably "retired his political career" should be "retired from his political career" or "retired from politics" or just plain "retired".
The Hard Bit: Well, as I read the first part I thought, this is almost the plain truth. But as I went along the satirical flavor became more pronounced.
Now, that said, most of the humor seems to be based on the idea that Gonzales does not recall anything about the firing of the attorneys, or about much of anything. That's a good joke, but I wanted other jokes as well. More variety.
I maintain that having a theme or a few major themes in an article is a good thing. But in the piece to hand I would appreciate some departures from the main theme. I guess the upshot is, I wanted more funny. I wanted comical little scenes and some character actors doing bit parts. I might recommend thinking up some "scene-starter" lines and seeing if any of them spark an inspiration for a comic bit. Miss Cracknuckle from the public library in Humble, Texas, approached Gonzales on the steps of the White House. "Young man, you checked out Horton Hears A Who in 1963 and never returned it. You owe the library $52,945.15 in late fees." Police Sergeant Lester Thudd remembers how Gonzales used to steal napkins from the White House cafeteria. Senator Larry Craig taps Gonzales (on the toe) to head up the Idaho Closet Club.
I dunno. Those ideas are pretty bad. But I would have appreciated a wider variety of jokes. Yes, easier said than done...MUCH easier. That's my recommendation, though.
Good luck with this piece --
----OEJ 00:58, 31 December 2007 (UTC)