Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Alan Rickman

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I'm not quite sure why I wrote this, my friends are playing Guitar Hero and I really like Alan Rickman. It's my first article, and I'd like to see if it's up to scratch, cheers guys.

edit Alan Rickman

This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 6.5 average of all sections
  • intro:6
not a bad start. the oscar wilde quote really should go, it's generally met with a discouraged sigh by most readers nowadays.
  • early days:6
the lists of conquest part is kind of a stretch and not that funny. you encyclopedic tone really works well here.
  • big break:7.5
much better. things like bruce willis dying and derisive laughter aren't expected, and thus funny. however, you also tend to wander over to the random humor side of the woods, with things like 'he invented the telephone'.
  • success/excess:6
starts strongly, but tails off. perhaps a betetr explanation of who stephen fry is would help the flow.
  • long live rickman:7
a solid ending. nicely wrapped up, again using the encyclopedic tone.
  • general humor comments:
there weren't any gut-busters here, but you had some consistent quality througout. i'd call this about an average article funny-wise. if you're looking to improve, take out some of the random humor, and read HTBFANJS repeatedly.
Concept: 9 i LOVE the concept of beard relating to success, really brilliant.
Prose and formatting: 7 no major issues, but a few minor ones. you seem to redlink to a lot of names, and they tend to be ugly (the links, not the names). some of our paragraphs end up being just a line or two long; try merging some or just adding content.
Images: 6.5 i'm torn on yor images. on one hand, they are simply images with witty captions, which works really well. on the other hand, the tone of the captions doesn't fit at all with the tone of the article. this seems like a minor detail, but you could try to sound more official with the captions. bonus points for staggering your images though, i hate articles with all of them on on side.
Miscellaneous: 7.5 averaged
Final Score: 36.5 for a first effort, this is quite good. i definitely recommend reading HTBFANJS again and again, i know for a fact that many writers here who have 7+ features go back to it all the time. generally, if you were to cut down a little on the random stuff, but keep (and add more!) witty stuff, you'd be golden.
Reviewer: --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 05:31, 10 December 2007 (UTC)

Umm I'm not sure quite how I'm meant to do this, but I've changed the article a bit and wanted to see what you thought... Maybe take a look? Please? --OnionHeadHat 23:17, 10 December 2007 (UTC)

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