It seemed funny when i made it. Any way i can improve it? --Moneke 05:25, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
Though there were plenty of jokes in the article, they never exactly came to a dramatic head. In most articles I've liked, jokes were either subtle, incredibly obnoxious, or totally random. Often an entire paragraph would work toward setting up a predictable conclusion and have the joke at the end be a logical but slightly-less-than possible surprise. However, in the article you tended to have a lot of exposition before giving the joke, which tended to be cliche. Though this article seems focused on critiquing the white house, it tends to jump around a lot and at one point focused completely on a Mr. I. R. Bent.
Though I've never seen this exact issue presented in an article, there are plenty of other jokes out there about how the government, Bush in particular, has grossly overreacted to a seemingly-innocuous event and ended up putting someone in prison. I'm honestly really tired of the Bush jokes. Yes, he's in the white house. Yes, he's stupid. However, I've been hearing that for seven years now, and it's not funny anymore.
Prose and formatting:
Though there were no spelling errors, the grammar and sentence structure bugged the hell out of me. On average, every sentence took up two lines. Your first sentence was an entire paragraph. This would be a problem in any article, but UnNews is meant to mimic conventional news styles. News articles are almost always written in short, choppy sentences so that the public can read it without their ADD kicking in (a method I really don't agree with). Yours reads more like a commentary, but without the substance of one.
Even news articles should have at least two images.
I can easily tell you put effort into this.
Though it is obvious you put work into this, this is a long way from VFH. You definately have the ability to make this into a featurable article, but first it needs a lot of work. Personally, I don't think UnNews is really the place for your style of writing. You could stick to mainspace articles, but I think you ought to try your hand at UnBooks. I don't read many articles in the UnBooks mainspace, but your writing style might fit right in there. Anyway, this article has the potential to be featured, but first it needs to be edited substantially. I want to see this succeed, so good luck.