Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Adult Toys

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edit Adult Toys

Fatdog 17:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

Gotcha --Kit talk 16:45 6 March 22px-Flag of Sweden
Humour: 8 So let me think about how funny ityour article actually was. Let me reassure you in its whole I found it quite entertaining. It had a ncie variety of comments and witty jokes. Somehow you surround the subject in ridicule. By adding well placed comments (like the world of warcraft one), by adding some twisted facts (really? 4 out of 5 men enjoy that !?!) and completing that with silly pictures and captions you manage to create quite a nice article. But lets not get ahead of ourselves. It wasnt all flowers and rainbows. I do have a few comments about your formatting and your images. Also your quote is a bit so so in my opinion. It may not need to be removed but perhaps it could be accompanied by another one. But in its whole and as I've previously stated it was really enjoyable. I smiled through most of it. Giggled maybe 10 times and laughed on 4 occasions (12000rpm joke, WoW joke, one of the images and the unicorn comment "**not a vagina"). If you find more good comparisons or witty jokes feel free to add them but otherwise it is qute nice as it is. An 8 there!
Concept: 6 The concept is basically good. You took the subject "adult toys", twisted some facts, added funny captions and wrote in a humourous way about it. Thats good so far. Why I didnt give you a better score on this part is that firstly that is not that original. Sure you don't need to write a really well-thought of idea that somehow is a metafor for adult toys because blablabla (like a few, sometimes overrated, writers do); but you could still try to find an angle. A thread through the article which you go by. An idea or something that comes back a bit - be it a theme, a joke or something with the formatting.
I also think you could develop the article a bit more. Here again its quite satisfying as it is but were you to find some more time and will and could do well with a few more paragrafs. For now, it could be sum up to a nice introduction, a part about the history and then a list of 4 toys. It doesn't feel that thorough.
Put shortly. Good idea but potential to develop and build around a common idea/thread.
Prose and formatting: 5 Concerning your english and spelling I have no major comments. I may have missed some misspellings or other subtles errors while focusing on those nice pictures of yours but I can't recall getting stuck on any sentence because of any english errors.
The formatting on the other hand has quite a few major flaws. Shouldnt "History" and "Varietes" be the same kind of titles for starter. And the long list of varietes where you first list a few examples and then show a picture just look awful. Ok awful may be an overstatement but it could defintely look better. Either try putting htem together in some neat table or at least work with the pictures and the lists to create something that wont hurt my eyes and wont make me scroll like hell to read further down on your page =) Maybe try working with the introduction paragraf and the TOC as well se eif you can get a nicer look. First imperssion is everything and your article doesnt really have a good one in my honest opinion.
Images: 7 The first picture isnt that great in itself but its comment is just great - on the spot. Your second picture as well fits just well and has a good comment. The third one (girl having orgasm) is surely nice to look at but doesnt really feel as if it contributes that much. The caption is okay but it too feels as if you could come up with something better. The fourht picture (grandma) has nothing to do with anal beads but goes well with the grandma comment and lets face it, its a grandma doing f*ck you which I find funny =P so sur ekeep it =) The dildo picture shows a dildo. It has no comment and in itself isnt comical.. at all. Maybe try finding another pic there? Your last picture and its comment are just great. Didnt get it until i read the text and the comment at which point I laughed. Really witty there! Thats a keeper!
Miscellaneous: +5 It takes balls to write about adult toys. Whether you be a man or a woman it was nicely done!
Final Score: 31 To sum things up. Plz do somehting about the formatting. You may want to develop your article a bit. Give it more flesh on more good jokes to lean on. Other than - me likey! Cheers to you!
Reviewer: --Kit talk 17:18 6 March 22px-Flag of Sweden
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