Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Series of Unfortunate Events
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Umm... yeah. I wrote this because I'm a fan of the books, and the page was deleted (twice). Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. User:EpicAwesomeness/sig 09:24, March 5, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm almost done with my other review, plus I've read all those books...I think. Consider it done. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 21:22, March 9, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||7.8||I must say it, I really did enjoy your article. You had some good use of humour in the article, so much that I wouldn't mind reading it again...
Anyways, let's note your good qualities. I liked your sneaky manner of using links to add an ironic twist to all the books, although I might suggest adding maybe a slight description of each book for an added irony value. For the first one, "The Bad Beginning," maybe add a description like, "Where the story begins. Contrary to the obvious placement of the title in the front of the book instead of the back like I suggested to the editor, the story does not actually have a bad beginning, oh no, it is in fact a fucking nightmare of a beginning. Don't believe me? Then read the book...but don't actually read it, because it will make you sad. Am I making sense? I don't know anymore..." Carried that joke a bit...but I think you can understand what I'm trying to tell you here. I also enjoyed your clever use of the VFD for both the book and for that thing on uncyclopedia.
Another suggestion would be look over hte article and pick out sentences that lack any direct humour towards the overall article. This section, for example, "During books eight to ten, the Baudelaires jump over dams, narrowly escape oncoming trains and are shot at." Maybe add something at the end like, "During books eight to ten, the Baudelaires jump over dams, narrowly escape oncoming trains, are shot at, and sometimes fall down and skin their knees, resulting in half on hour of rolling on the floor going "eeeeeeeee ahhhhhh eeeeee ahhhhh." Kind of weak, I know, but it's just a general idea. It's just that I see some sentences that look like they need or at least could have a funny joke attached to them. This is just a suggestion of course, so it's up to if you want to try it.
That's about it for the humour section, didn't really see anything else of major importance. This article is well written, good job.
|Concept:||8||Partly because you managed to convey the concept so well, partly because I enjoyed the books, which after reading your article, makes me feel bad...Anyways! your concept is fresh and although it has become mainstream, you manage to keep the idea unique and did well to write out the article, especially considering that it has been deleted twice. Cudos to your efforts.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||The formatting of this article is beautiful, I personally think you nailed it at replicating what The Series of Unfortunate Events format is like. However, I have rather minor critiques. For one, I noticed a couple of spelling errors, which I fixed, but I may have missed some so it might be a good idea for you to make one last read-through of the article to catch any that I missed. Secondly, that placement of the picture with the caption "The Baudelaires as seen in the film *shudder*," should probably be placed farther down, closer to the section that talks about the book being made into a movie; Maybe replace it with the space of that badly drawn picture? Lastly, I did notice some grammar errors, so you might want to fix those too when you make that read-through. Some misuse of conjuction has also been noted, like here, "the film included comedy and a hinted happy ending, which takes out the serious element that real life happens to include. And even worse, Jim Carrey played Count Olaf." 'And' is a conjunction, doesn't need a period before it.|
|Images:||8||Let's go at this one at a time:
Your first image, the letter in the beginning, is done superbly well, did you do that yourself? Anyways, I can't really critique anything about that, good image.
Your second image, the picture of the children in the movie, is also decent. I already suggested you move it though, so look in the format section about that.
Your third image, with the bad drawing, is pretty good too, but if I may suggest...You have, "Count Olaf as drawn by Brett Helqueist, who illustrates my books." I think you should add at the end, "As you can see, he's gotten increasingly better at drawing," or something ironic along those lines.
Your last image of Count Olaf as a 'player,' is very good also. That's about it. If I may suggest though, why not include an extra picture, maybe of one of the victims that Count Olaf kills, or of Mr. Poe. I think you have room for one more picture, but this is an optional suggestion. Feel free to ignore me right about..............nnnnnnnnnnow.
|Miscellaneous:||7.9||My 'overall' feeling of your article, whatever that means. Sorry I didn't write out a longer review; I couldn't really find anything seriously wrong with your article that would require any major changes. Good job overall.|
|Final Score:||38.7||So that's about it, hope I could help. If you have any questions or comments, just jump over to my talkpage and I'll be more than glad to answer them. You can also leave me a message in the designated area if you want to request me to spellcheck or proofread your article. Good luck, hope to see this get featured soon.|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 01:52, March 10, 2011 (UTC)|