Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Family Car Trip (resubmit)

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edit User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/sandbox

Humour: 8 Pretty funny. I have a little brother so I know what it's like. Younger brothers may be offended. Good use of repetition.
Concept: 9 Great concept. We've all been there. Ugh.
Prose and formatting: 7 The only problem I noticed was that some of the sentences seemed a bit short, almost like fragments, but it's dialog, so it's not a big deal.
Images: 5 You could probably get away with another image or two. Be sure to remember (once you get pics) that the caption is just as important as the picture itself -- always try for a humorous (perhaps humourous, given the context of this article) and amusing caption. Don't just add a caption for the sake of having a caption.
Miscellaneous: 6 One big problem with the page is that it ends very abruptly, going straight from your dad singing to the final ending. You may wanna have a few events that lead to your mother's realization. Also, instead of her saying "oh shit", "oh dear" seems funnier to me, because it's like she's "not that concerned" with the fact that she has just driven for hours in the wrong direction.
Final Score: 35 OK, I couldn't really think of where to put this, but here goes: The page seems too short. What you have is great, I just feel like there should be more of it. Try adding more things that the family does while in the car-- Perhaps a game of "I spy with my little eye", or twenty questions, or the main character trying to read, or play gameboy, or talk on his/her cell phone. Whatever works. Basically, just add more of what you've done-- your writing style on this page feels like it works, so try and retain that. And remember! The force will be with you...always. Good luck with this one, it definitely has potential.
Reviewer: P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:51, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
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