Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Family Car Trip

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edit User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/sandbox

Humour: 8 I found the chaotic humour funny, if a bit confusing.
Concept: 3 This needed to be done and I'm surprised it hadn't been already. But here's the problem:

Buuuuuuuut.... It's fucking confusing. Pass the sodahh! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch. Go to the bathroom and change the fucking- oh! It needs to lololol gay be more understandablezz:

Idea: Make it a script?

Raphael: You’re gay! You’re gay! You’re gay! You’re gay! You’re gay! You’re gay!
Horatio: SHUT UP!
Lady Windermere: Shut up both of you!

Idea: Make it a diary?

The car shook with Raphael's stinging accusations. I turned, livid, to lay a strike on his pompous head. Suddenly, fate! O fate the interloper saved me from wretched crime! Lady Windermere clasped my angry hand in hers and, with a white kiss on my brow, lay me to sleep on the Thunderbird's hot vinyl. I awoke with chicken curry in my ear.

Just make it so that it's not so damn confusing and so that you know who's talking when. The only way I can think of to do that is to completely change the style like the above examples.

Prose and formatting: 3 In the weird I-have-a-cold-can-you-pass-me-the-tissues-my-eyes-are-watering way I'm seein' things, you have too many headers and they make no sense. But, then again, I have a cold. Anywayz, check your spelling (the parts that are supposed to be right) and make it make more sense. Like, so I don't have to read it a couple times and be like "Oh, I would try and see who the person who said SHUT UP DOUCHE was supposed to be, but my nose just started running again." Cause it hurt head when no sense making. P.S. I totally would fix your spelling and stuff rather than just bitch to you, but I don't know what parts you want spelled correctwise and what parts you don't. Sorry.
Images: 5 The one you have is fun! But you need more! Use Google to find them or just clandestinely photograph your 2.6 children-having neighbors!
Miscellaneous: 5 Audio would be great on this.
Final Score: 24 Yay for a good idea! But still needs a lot of improvement. You definitely need to change the style in some way to make it less like listening to the Opera section of Bohemian Rhapsody:

Galileo! Figaro! Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me! Galileo!

You know? God, my sinuses...

Reviewer: vyvyan 01:21, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
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