Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Doctor's Visit

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edit A Doctor's Visit

Not my best work, but I like the formatting. M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 04:54, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 3 The humor in A Doctor's Visit is lacking in a big way. Though there were parts that were enjoyable, I did not laugh at the very blatant and pointlessly misspelled words. I think that how old "Edward Quiver" is only detracts from the telling of the story. This only makes story harder to tell and makes it easier for one misspell words like "vassinashon." The humor of the story was, if any all over the place. At one point you are talking about blood sugar, then a rap star, then the eagles and finally vampires. This has a lot of potential in the humor department but not even starting to be there.
Concept: 7 Concept much better than the humor. I believe that everyone can relate to a visit to the doctor's and riding in the car with "mum." But I rarely read about experiences on Uncyclopedia that I can relate to. Good idea.
Prose and formatting: 5 Formatting was awesome! Made the story look like a diary pieced together by someone. Very cool. Prose on the other hand was a little bit confusing and not so straight forward as I have said earlier. Try to spice this up by making the sentences shorter and a lot less wordy. For example:

i wanted to listen to that kid that all my friends (we were having fun one day when they were pushing me off the slide really hard) wer listening to some super rap star music and i heard if i like him people will like me, but my mum wouldnt let me listen to him and she was listening to a band called 'the eagles"

This could be two, maybe three sentences. Also, it needs some more interesting language. Otherwise you are making blatant, boring statements rather than showing the kids perspective on things.

Images: 4.5 I am somewhat confused on why you chose to use pictures of only somewhat related items in the story. The Dracula picture is pointless and not funny.
Miscellaneous: 4.9 Averaged using Pee.
Final Score: 24.4 This article has a lot of potential. If you put some time into it, it could be very good and very entertaining. Remember to be less blatant in your explanations. The formatting was great though and actually made me think that I was reading this kids diary of a kid going to the doctor. Just jazz it up a little bit.
Reviewer: --User:MurroughOBrien/sig
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