Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Day With My Dad

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edit A Day With My Dad

Any critiques or advice would be appreciated. Thanks very much Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 22:28, January 9, 2011 (UTC)

Humour: 8 I believe the humor of this article would come through better if you fixed the problems below. That having been said, I laughed until I hated myself (and you as well).
Concept: 8 I enjoyed what you tried to do with this article and really liked the idea behind it. I think you managed to translate that concept to the page beautifully. Nothing bad to say here.
Prose and formatting: 6 I know you were going for a certain feel but a lot of the sentences seem to run together. You may think of double spacing between your ending punctuation marks and the beginning of the next sentence to separate the sentences better and make the flow of the article smoother. I loved the titles of your subheadings, I feel obliged to say, particularly, Alright, let's roll. Classic.
Images: 5 In my opinion you could cut the last two pics or add a couple more relevant ones. I do have to say the first picture, and its caption, is hilarious. The other two, while captioned masterfully, don't seem to go with the article.
Miscellaneous: 8 It has heart and intention (hopefully not experience) adding to its momentum and delivery. It was just as funny the second time I read through it.
Final Score: 35 I really like the idea of this article but still think it could use some work. I wish it was longer, but that is only because it entertained me. I find myself wanting to create an article simply to link this one to it. The bottom line is if you fix the pacing problems and add a couple pics that do the written body justice, I think this article has a shot at getting featured (not that i have any say in it). You might also want to add a couple categories to it so more people can find it. This is only my opinion as a writer and is subject to scrutiny on its own.
Reviewer: Omnifluff 00:19, January 10, 2011 (UTC)
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