Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Christmas Story

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edit A Christmas Story

I made a new page called A Christmas Story. It's slightly a rough draft, but if I could get some help with the Christmas Letter (I can't seem to put it on the right-hand side) and maybe some more quotes from the movie, that would be greatMrCleveland 16:43, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

MrCleveland 16:43, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Concept: 4.5 The concept isn't bad, but its still in the stub phase. I wouldn't call it a first draft, it looks more an outline. The article needs some alot of fleshing out. Right now, the article looks like its all over the place and doesn't flow that well. If you add more material, that might go away on its own.

On the plus side, you have avoided random humor and many of the other evils that plague many articles.
Prose and Formatting: 5 I did some formatting to your article, to clean it up. It still has an ugly feel to it, and need work. I'll go thru the things I changed first. Ok First off, THE TEXT SHOULD BE IN PARAGRAPHS!!!11!one!one I fixed that by merging your smaller paragraphs, and sometimes merging sentences, adding connecting words, et cetera. After doing that, there was a pillar of images on the right which generated alot of white space at the bottom. I moved the images around, placing some on the left, so that everything fit together. I also added see also section, to give it more length. After that, I demoted some 2nd level headers to 3rd level headers. A 2nd level header every few lines looks bad. I also got rid of some extra lines. As a rule, you should never have more than one line of blank space, and you don't need spaces before and after images.

Your article sill needs some formatting work. First off, you need to add an introduction before the story section. You should never start an article with a section header, or a section header following only quotes & an image. I tried seeing how it looked without the first header; it didn't work. Also, the article needs fleshed out to make it look right. If it gets alot longer, you might want to promote the 3rd level headers back to 2nd level if it makes sense. It still has too many headers now, but that is ok since your still adding material.

Finally, feel free to undo my editing changes if you think of a better way to format it. I did the formatting a bit haphazardly, and may have merged together some stuff that shouldn't have been merged.
Images: 6 Images are appropriate, but nothing stands out. You might want to crop the one of Ralphie as a rabbit, you can't see it that well in thumbnail view. Also, you have too many images for the amount of text, I'd suggest fleshing out the text and keeping the images. I'd probably keep all the images for right now, and see how they work when the article is fleshed out.
Humour: 3.5 Its too outline-y. I really can't judge the humor right now, it might turn out good when you increase its size, or you might make it worse. I can see some potential here, but potential does not generate humor on its own.
Improvability Score: 5 This one should be fairly easy to improve. However, it still needs a good bit of work, which is why you got a fairly low score.
Final Score: 24 keep working on it, and put it back on pee review when its about 2-3 times its current length.
Reviewer: --Mnbvcxz 06:34, 23 December 2008 (UTC)

Okay, a few changes have been made such as the Little Orphan Annie section, the letter that Ralphie made was extended, and with the code, I used 111111111 which equals to AAAAAAAAA.

I hope that helps. MrCleveland 00:36, 26 December 2008 (UTC)

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