Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Charlie Brown Christmas
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|Concept:||7||This article is about a well known perennial television special, and is written in the style of parody. In my previous review of one of your articles, I explained how parody differs from various other things. However, this article does have some issues. It is prone to too much hyperbole in places.. It also borders on hatecruft at times.
Hatecruft is defined as insulting the subject in bombastic and unfunny manner. For example, Mr winkler is GAY would be an example of hatecruft. Your article isn't as bad some that I have read, but it could use more wit in places. In the intro, you say that, " it has been shown on television approximately one zajillion times." The word "zajillion" in unneeded hyperbole. A phrase like "several times a year, every year, for the past half century" might work better. Its funny because its largely true: the special has been on TV every year since 1965.
The article seems to not set up jokes well. There is good material in here, but it is far from "polished".
|Prose and Formatting:||6||Most of the formatting errors are due to the overuse of images, covered below.
In addition, the section length is very inconsistent. The "Soundtrack" is a short sentence, while the "Plot" section covers most of the article. The "Marxist interpretation" and "Merchandise" are also on the short side.
Also, I said before, quote templates are generally a bad idea. They make the article look to busy, and the information could be better expressed in paragraph for.
|Images:||6||You have good images in this article, but too many of them. Don't place the images in the article. AKA images should be on the side, and not between paragraphs. Also, images should never "force" whitespace. That is caused when headers appear to frequently. Instead of going through the next header, an image creates horizontal white space above the next header.
If I had to purge images, I would recommend the "real life Charlie Brown" image, the "don't cry" image, and the "snoopy dancing" at the end of the article. The first two are in a different style than the other images. The last one seems like it thrown in there just because it was cute.
The tree where the uncyclo logo should be is a nice touch.
|Humour:||6||The article is a mix of good jokes, poorly executed potential jokes, and some weak material. For example, the phrase "Lucy being Adolf Hitler to Charlie Brown's Benito Mussolini" doesn't really makes and seems like pointless namedropping. For an example of bad execution:
"Yet because Charlie Brown was a complete idiot, or because he could see something special in the tree, he buys it anyway."
That should read something like:
"Yet because Charlie Brown could see something special in the tree, he buys it anyway, or perhaps he was just a complete idiot."
The punchline should almost always come last. Some of this stuff is particularly annoying in this article because it comes 85% there, yet misses the mark.
The Linus quote probably could use some work. There probably is a good scripture, I think the one you have is fake. In addition, a King James or other dated version would work well, as the dated language would increase the crazy factor. In addition, the "Soundtrack" section is too short.
|Improvability Score:||7||Fixing this one shouldn't be too hard. I'm not to familiar with your writing style, but from looking at your features, it seems you might use a somewhat different formatting style than I do. However, I do think the joke delivery in much of the article clearly could use some work.|
|Final Score:||32||Please contact me on my talk page, as my watchlist is 11,000 + articles long. Also, you may wish to withdraw your pee review request at the fork.|
|Reviewer:||--Mn-z 20:33, February 9, 2013 (UTC)|