Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/AIDS is now rated as most wanted by the FBI
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Alexandros 17:16, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6.5||at the minute this could be a lot better its good but not excellent. Again a lot of this is tied up in prose and formatting. loved the joke about china nuking aids that was really well done.|
|Concept:||9||this is brilliant! Hilarious in fact. It’s poking fun at just how ready the government is too make a fool of itself. Also you have the brilliant double meaning of catching AIDS. kudos|
|Prose and formatting:||6.5||bolden your opening Washington D.C. Add some links. Remember to italicise all quotes.
While you had some very good ideas here I don’t think you made the most of them. You need to expand a little by interviewing people on what they think of the scheme. Talk to a left wing talk to a right wing and make them sound appropriately stereotypical sorta thing. For the lefty you could have him say “well that’s what they said when Cold was rampaging around causing havoc, what makes them think that they can catch AIDS?” and the righty could be saying something nasty about gays or showing his support for the movement, maybe both.
Also what does this sentence mean? “AIDS not killed in America but is also wanted all over the globe for millions of other murders.” It’s so confused and jumbled I can really work out what you were trying to say you need to clear that and a few of the typos up.
Your closing needs a bit of work too, try something like “UnNews sincerely hopes this threat is caught as soon as possible but whilst the killer remains at large we shall keep you, our nearly existent readers, informed.” Though I don’t suggest you actually keep on a running story, it just sounds like a more journalistic ending.
|Images:||4||It’s kinda meh. Relevant but unfunny. Why not dress up the offending virus as Osama bin laden? Also it’s a little small.|
|Final Score:||32.5||if you’d like to insult/thank/ask me about anything please visit my talk page.|
|Reviewer:||Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog| 08:50, 22 May 2008 (UTC)|