Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/AFI

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edit AFI

Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 02:35, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

For whatever reason, it doesn't seem like people are reviewing much anymore. All of the current articles have yet to be reviewed. I would review some of them, but I'm not sure how to exactly. Anyways, please review this.

Of course the current articles aren't reviewed yet, that's why they're in the "current" section. The reviewed articles go to the section labeled "reviewed." And when I was new, people always told me to sign my posts. I am now in a position to do the same thing. So: sign your posts!
Oh, and I'll likely review this for you at some point, because I'm cool like that. I'm not promising anything, though. --Guildensternenstein 02:54, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
Yeah I'm sort of new(ish) and I'm still learning a lot of stuff. I didn't know what the current thing meant.
Can articles be reviewed more than once? Like can I review one that already has a review on it? (possibly a stupid question)
Oh, and I didn't think that first one needed signed since I'm the one who posted the review request and it had my sig right above it... but if it makes you happy...--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 03:17, 28 February 2009 (UTC)--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 03:17, 28 February 2009 (UTC)--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 03:17, 28 February 2009 (UTC)--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 03:17, 28 February 2009 (UTC)--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 03:17, 28 February 2009 (UTC)--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 03:17, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 3 I've got to direct you to the bottom of the edit box here, be funny and not just stupid. The article is not very funny at all you run alot of things into the ground that are so far under already the humour is just plain gone, but none-the-less let the review begin. On the intro your quotes aren't very funny try this one.
“I know I'll stand on the edge of a bridge so the rest of the band die horribly trying to save me then I'll go home”
~ Davey Havok on AFI
. Just an idea for a quote that can be funny. Your intro has dead humour in it, I mean you use the whole emo point which, I'm sorry to say, is completely obvious. Also the whole emo thing is no longer funny, give me an emo joke you've heard and you can have a medal, yes they slit their wrists write crappy music and cry, we don't need reminding. The murder reference given their song titles that you probably haven't listened to, is also incredibly obvious, later on in the concept I'll give you some more advice on this.

In the first section on What is AFI? the only thing funny here is the bit where you point out what kind of bullshit is A Fire Inside, expand on that, the rest of the list just doesn't work that well, I don't get what you're doing here, are you making a joke or just taking the piss out of something? I believe its the latter yet I still don't get it. Below this list where you say it doesn't stand for anything, thats funny, keep that in there, improve it a tidge but keep it there. The band members part is pants as well, you go on about this murder thing quite alot and its not funny, what about making peoples heads asplode from the god awful music rather than that they are serial killers? The worst part is the previous members. Name dropping, run down jokes, all I can say is delete this unnecessary section, if you keep this in you'll be told the same by anyone else, its crap and should be removed the current members section then can be named members then and once that's improved the article will look alot better.

Band forming... Again with the name dropping? is it really necessary (no it isn't) change the names and the section will look pretty good, needs a bit of adjusting and my concept I have for you will take it away from the murder idea. Going through all the songs as well, probably took you ages but I got bored of the repetative jokes in the list, if you're going to do a list that long don't re-use jokes I nearly died of boredom. Some of the original ones were quite amusing though"[edit] Strength Through Wounding This is not a song, it is the sacred chant of the AFI. "Through Our Bleeding, We Are One!" It is said that if someone not a member of AFI is to sing this chant, they will instantly be shot dead, with no gun in" is funny, but I'd reduce the list so the reader don't die of boredom.

The sections below this, well you get the idea with my advice above, the miss murder thing works though so improve the section a little and it will work quite well. Very disappointed by this article though, it could be very funny, it's just not.

Concept: 6 The concept is bloody great, I mean look at them, just fucking look at them, its enough to laugh at them as it is so how have you failed? You have gone for the emo and murder angle which is obvious, used and thus boring. I would suggest changing this totally and going in at the homo-eroticism of the band angle, I mean from this we could even use the murder side and link it to necrophillia and vampires. Brilliant yes? Of course it is because I thought of it. A mistake you have used with your murder and emo is that you threw it in at once, and with such a long article it couldnt be help. With my concept theres alot of material that can be used so you can spread it out more and bring new jokes in to avoid repeating yourself and have something thats very amusing, you can ask for advice on my talk page if you like, my advice is free.
Prose and formatting: 7 Alot of spelling and grammar errors in this, I suggest a spellcheck and a proof read. Otherwise your language style is fine, its mainly the article itself that needs improving
Images: 4 There is only one funny image which is the decemberunderground image and caption, yes it amused me, the rest aren't that funny, which is why you need to hit it at the homo-eroticism angle, their band photos will help pull this off easily. Otherwise the images as they are, are pretty poo, maybe keep the miss murder transvestite one of Davey, because hell, that looks gay too.
Miscellaneous: 4 The idea is good, its implemented badly and isn't very funny, you get a 4, you need alot of work but take my advice and heads will LOL.
Final Score: 24 Reviewed this because your whining was annoying me, I'm also a fan of AFI and would have made sure it got reviewed, most reviews are done within a week, how it has always been, I can assure you these reviews do get done.
Reviewer: --The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 11:18, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
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