Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/2008 Summer Olympics

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edit 2008 Summer Olympics

Worked long and hard on this article for quite some time (since about the beginning of the Olympics IIRC). I have spent many hours on this article and I think it's an excellent work. What do you think! - RougethebatAdmiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate SonicLivesPicture 04:08, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

this is hella long, enzo, but it's been here for ages so i'll give it a look. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:10, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
Cheevers99
This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 6.2 average of all sections
  • intro: 7

an average intorduction. rather long, but i see you sporked it virtually line-for-line from wikipedia. sporking can be a good thing, copy-pasting is another. try to go in your own direction rather than just replacing numbers or country names. your content was pretty good, though. i see there have been several revisions since your last edit, so i'll try to keep that in mind. for example, the baby-milk thing had nothing to do with the olympics, but the massage parlor coupons i liked.

  • bid: 5

the sporking is again obvious here, as it reads alittle like a mad-lib. try to go in your own direction. i'd like to see more detail about things like why alaska lost all those votes and such; this section could be expanded a bit.

  • undevelopment: 6

the first part is good, but again feels like a copy-paste when you throw in the $2 line. i like the poorly translated venue names a lot. didn't you already say the only event taking place outside china was equestrian in canada? the stadium section was okay, kind of hit-or-miss. things like 'Whoever-The-Heck-You-Praise Church' and 'Clik Chik'Cha Chivala Chii', or quoting someone as saying 'huh?' fall a little flat. the hello kitty stuff was good, and your text ties in with the image nicely. the transportation section was rather weak, it appears all you did was change the numbers and not much else. i liked the marketing section, but i wonder if the rogue the bat reference is necessary. the broadcasting part was ok, but it ended strongly.

  • torch relay: 4

hmmm not much is good here, and adding to the copy-paste feel you get a little random with things like throwing cheeseburgers. make this section more original, with diffferent stuff than the boring account on wikipedia.

  • opening/closing ceremony: 7

some good stuff here. seizure pokemon, fake fireworks, 1908 UFO, guy hanging from the roof were all good. again, i can't stress enough, comically large/small numbers really don't do much for the humor of the article.

  • paricipating countries: 6

here you define NOC for the first time; do so earlier in the article. single athlete or less was good. the second chance paragraph was kind of weak, especially the name.

  • list of participating NOCs: 9

this is definitely a strong points. stuff like the arctic empire being a bear and the isle of man being represented by two people were really good. the mushroom kingdom could use a better flag. if you were going with a white flag for surrender for the french, thats good, but it looks like a blank space; throw a border around it.

  • participation etc.: 4

this section falls a little flat. some stuff seems like real facts, other stuff is just a bit weird. try rewriting this section without being so close to the wikipeida entry.

  • sports: 7.5

i like this section. the idea of all the sports starting with E is pretty good, as was texting and wikipedia vandalism. the end bit was kind of weak.

  • calendar: 4

i'm not sure how necessary this is; there doesn't seem to be much parody involved.

  • medal count: 8

this was pretty good. i'd like to see chinese taipaei beat out china by a single medal or something.

  • concerns/controversy: 2 8

weak. but, not your edit, and i liked yours better, so i'll change your score.

Concept: 7.5 5/5 for a well-known subject worthy of parody. we certainly should have an article on this.

2.5/5 points for execution. i liked your general approach, except for the copy-paste method. don't just change numbers, names of countries/people, small details like that. go in your own direction with it. come up with some other stuff in categories like 'banned from competition' and 'new stuff china built' and the torch relay.

Prose and formatting: 8 prose, formatting, etc. was generally very good. it's quite long for a full proofread, for now i'll give it a quick look. feel free to pop it on UN:PS if you feel like it.
Images: 7.5 the lead logo is good. the bird's nest is great. the subway map is sufficiently confusing. the torch relay is good, but i think it could be even more complex. the opening ceremony one could be better, maybe chop (or ask someone to chop) the standard globe into the actual opening ceremony? the taiwan flag and oil wrestling are fine. overall your images really dont need much changing, they work well enough and contribute to the article.
Miscellaneous: 7.3 average
Final Score: 36.5 my preview button tells me that your score is 36.5. i would say this is definitely a decent article, but your execution is bringing it down a little. try to stay away from the simple copy-paste-replace method, and instead try out new ideas and concepts. overall you avoided overdone stuff like the gymnasts, which was good. i think to make it to VFH you'll need a lot of pruning with respect to the number replacements and such, but i'm confident you can get there. good luck!
Reviewer: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:41, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
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