Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/1944 Summer Olympics

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edit 1944 Summer Olympics

I must say: there seems to be no way to salvage this article in any way, shape or form. Am I wrong, or fully justified in my beliefs? MacManiasig.png MacManiasig-cheerios.png MacManiasig-holmes.png MacManiasig-starwars.png MacManiasig-firefly.png MacManiasig-pixar.png MacManiasig-oregon.png MacManiasig-lesmiz.png MacManiasig-doctor.png 16px-HalLogo.png Portal16px.png UncycLensFlare16px.pngDalek16px.png 16px-ChekhovSig.png16px-JapanSig.png Sir MacMania GUN[03:15 5 Oct 2009]

It's... salvagable. But I'm not going to bother reading it to many sub-sections. Make less of those and/or expand them each sub section has one sentence. Which is crap. But it probable has potential. Probably.--I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 18:45, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Well I'm going to review it now. Also, I'M justice! --ChiefjusticeDS 08:30, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 7 I, personally, thought the humour was pretty good, but lacking in direction and focus. It could easily be salvageable, but what is needed is some expansion and a closer look at some of the jokes. The first thing I think you should do is give a quick summary of the teams involved, you launch straight into the sports and don't really provide any information regarding the teams competing. I'm not suggesting that you transform the competing teams section into a massive list, but rather suggesting that you don't just list them in the way that you have. I think you should instead leave the less notable teams in that list but at least give a brief summary of the more unknown ones. I realise this is quite a big job, but it is the only alternative that I can see, as in it's current form I found myself reading team names in the sport descriptions yet still having no idea who or what they were. Perhaps I'm just not enough of a Star Wars fan, but this seems in need of fixing more than anything else. The jokes are good, on the whole and the main thing you need to do is expand some of them, some of the sport sections seemed to have masses of humour potential, but were completed with two sentences, this is potential you can't afford to pass up, again, I know there are a lot of sections, but you don't have to expand them all. What I am suggesting, essentially is that sections like: Lightsaber combat undergo some extension, how did the dialect hold the weapon? how did the other teams lose? Just basic expansion. Also, is the start of the italicised text in the 'Closing ceremony' section supposed to be as it is? It doesn't seem obvious currently.
Concept: 8 I like the concept and I think you have executed it reasonably well. My main problem here is that you seem to be rushing a couple of sections. You write exceptionally well and I think that this should show in all aspects of the article. For example, look at the 'Selection as host city' section. It is reasonable, but some of the ideas seem absurdly random and the section lacks coherence in some places. I think you should go back to it and ask yourself if this is the best you can do with the concept. I accept that finding a way to create the situation that the article, is going to be complicated without being fanciful at all, my recommendation is on the basis that you are going to be random but that I feel there is a better way to do it.
Prose and formatting: 9 Well up to your usual standard, you have already heard my proofreading speech numerous times so I won't burden you with it now. Your formatting is okay too, except at the top, can we avoid having the first image sit directly on top of the template. Also, and I am nitpicking now, can you try to avoid squeezing the text at any point in the article, you have plenty of room to manoeuvre the images about so just try to make sure they are reasonably spaced out.
Images: 9 Your images are absolutely fine, and I really like the caption on the "Dialect" image. However I am taking a point away because the entire final section is without an image of the Doctor, whom you say appears. I think there is some opportunity and space for an image here, so why not put one in? However this is really just me being petty, there is no real need for any improvement here.
Miscellaneous: 8 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 41 The article is fine and with a little bit more work can be even better. Just try to provide more detail and coherence where it is needed and you will be well on your way. So, this article is definitely salvageable, just needing some polish in the correct places to truly reach it's potential. As always please direct any questions, opinions and comments at my talk page. Good luck making any edits.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 09:21, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
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