Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/12 Angry Men

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edit 12 Angry Men

Hello there! If anyone would be so kind as to regale me with an opinion, that'd be just jim dandy. Thanks! Mooky 20:59, January 28, 2010 (UTC) I got it down there. Except it keeps disappearing. HELPME 01:28, January 29, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

Humour: 3 Not incredible. The satire was OK, but there was quite a bit of repetition, which gets boring. And quite annoying as well. It was also not much more than a quite repetitive timeline, which usually isn't good. I suggest HTBFANJS and a bit of beefing up. HTBFANJS does recommend repetition, but only in certain situations does that apply. The last line got a chuckle out of me, and the satire was alright. Most of the humor is fine, but not quite the strong satire we always hope for. And seriously, HTBFANJS again. This is wonderfully helpful. I even read it myself for no apparent reason.
Concept: 2 Sorry for the poor rating, I understood the concept but it really wasn't great. It is not super original, but it is still an OK idea. It could be expanded on (Jury people as WWE wrestlers) can be a great satire target. The "Timeline of the Trial" is just slightly irritating, and distracts from an OK concept that could be made great. I can say that an article with this concept is certainly salvageable. It probably won't ever be a feature though, unfortunately.
Prose and formatting: 6 There are a few grammar mistakes here and there, but they are fixable. The prose is not wonderful. Again, the "Timeline of the Trial" section. The problem this inflicts on the prose is simply put- it puts too many headers on too little information. Sure, there is a good enough reason for it, but it still gets a bit annoying after a while. I suggest at least expanding the writing under the headers, or just putting more on the paragraphs on the section. Most of your grammar and spelling is fine, your prose is a little down, but this is not a major problem category for this article.
Images: 2 The only images were WWE wrestlers, which were more for example than humor. The captions by them were a little funny. The last one got another chuckle out of me. But there needs to be more images, because a strong image and caption make a great article excellent. The list of paragraphs thing would have been better (but still not recommended) if there had been any images there. Also, images can help the way the article looks. For example, I would recommend a picture somewhere there with a wrestler holding down another wrestler with a caption saying "How's THIS for an objection?!" or something like that. Something to add to the satire would really boost the humor here.
Miscellaneous: 3.3 I used the pee template. It sums up my opinion very well.
Final Score: 16.3 Again, the large amounts of repetition sort of need to go. A huge thing for this article: expansion, expansion, expansion. More images around the article, you've proved you're pretty good with captions, you need to take advantage of it. You need to expand the writings under "Timeline of the Trial" and the paragraphs outside of it to help the humor. More satire and humor is a must, and it has to be very good too. Even though bigger is not always better, smaller isn't always better either. The key is knowing where each one belongs.
Reviewer: HELPME 01:28, January 29, 2010 (UTC)HELPME
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