I just want to know how good a first attempt at writing an article this is.
Also, I shall keep making changes up until the Pee Review template is put onto the page if I think them necessary. As soon as someone decides to reserve this Review, please either add the template or ask me to do it.
Joefoxon 12:18, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
Good first attempted article, this is my first attempt at a pee review so I hope you find it useful. English peasant 22:22, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
Some good jokes, I particularly like the use of "logic" in the wanker section and the 2 rules of refereeing. I think the article could benefit from a few more jokes and the removal of a couple of tired ones like the concept that nobody understands the offside rule. (IMO only English commentators struggle with it, always waffling on about daylight between the players when the rules state no such thing). I also think the article would benefit from being much more offensive and cynical about specific players and managers reflecting the football crowd mentality, you also forgot to mention that diving, sulking, injury feigning bastard with a womans haircut Drogba. A section on bribery could also be funny. With a bit of weeding in places, a little expansion in others and a few more jokes it could be better.
The concept is OK, some bits don't work so well and detract from the quality of the article, they could be chopped or improved. It is often funnier to stick very closely to the truth, so that when the jokes come along they have more punch. As an example, the bit about starting "life as a dick, before an unknown type of cancer causes tumours to grow" detracts from the excellent payoff about Graham Poll (even if it is a bit of an in joke - this is where a hyperlink could come in useful). Remember many different unrelated ideas in one article is generally not a good thing, it would benefit from sticking to a core theme, like childhood bullying victim turns control freak/Nazi rather than random stuff about burrowing into the ground for 1,200 years.
Prose and formatting:
Spelling and formatting seem good, but I'm not a grammar Nazi so my opinion probably isn't worth a great deal.
The Ronaldo image works because it has a funny caption, I am no photoshop genius so I am hesitant to criticise other peoples efforts, but I do feel that a normal image with a funny caption, or a better effort at photoshopping would be funnier than the lead Hitler image.
An enjoyable article with a few good laughs.
Overall a very good effort for a first article, very funny in places. With a bit of expansion, more work on clarifying the concept, weeding some of the randomness out and finding a couple more funny images this could be really good article.