Uncyclopedia:Everything you ever wanted to know about Uncyclopedia, and weren't afraid to ask

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Fasgrgarg2242424SIGNSIGNSIGN

This handy guide will help you through some of the rules and regulations that govern this gentle place. Remember: No parking after 10am.

Ah! Hello there, curious onlooker! Welcome to Uncyclopedia! Heaven knows how in God's name you have ever found this website, and none of probably want to know. No one wants to listen to you complain. Hoho! I made a funny! What's that? You don't get it? My, you have so very much to learn. Well, I'm here to help. I was once like you. Lost and confused in this swamp of a website. Well don't worry, lowly n00b. I will answer anything you ask me (within reason)

What is this?

Uncyclopedia is a parody of the ever-so-popular wiki Wikipedia. Instead of providing the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, we here at Uncyclopedia try to misinform as much as possible and to humor anyone who gives more than a glance at this website. We have established ourselves over the years and developed a sophisticated, sarcastic, and biting writing style that is lauded among our peers.

I Don't Get It

A common lament. You see, by spending so much of our times on this god forsaken website, we have developed a great number of in-jokes. This in-jokes serve only purpose: to exclude. Our community kind of gets off on being complete assholes to everyone we encounter on the intrawebs. By excluding others, we feel much, much better about ourselves. God knows we need some self esteem once in a while.

Isn't that kind of dumb, though?

What are you saying? I suppose you don't ever annoy your friends, if any, and don't ever prank them to have fun (if your atom-sized brain can comprehend emotion of any kind). If not, then you. Are. A fucked-up loser.

Shouldn't you be, like, accepting? You'd get more readers

You see, that is where you are wrong. If we were open to everyone, then everyone would continue to return to the website. And after they spent a few days reading, they would want to contribute. Pretty soon we would have an uncontrollable flood of crap on our beautiful, beautiful website. We wouldn't want that, now would we? Two diamonds are better than 2,985,064 random rocks of no value.

Can I Become a Contributor?

If you really wanted to, you definitely could. But to make sure your articles are really funny, you should spend some time familiarizing yourself with the kind of humor we find acceptable on this website. Maybe a year or two. Yes, a year. But, if you eat your vegetables, or become a caffenaited hamster, then a few weeks. But that's only for 0.0000983421% of people.

A year or two? JESUS!

Yes, a year or two. It is a huge commitment to become a writer for our website. Unless you have fully immersed yourself with our community, we would not accept you. Your articles would just be huffed mercilessly. Bang!

"Huffed"?

Deleted.

Oh. Well, I'm going to prove you wrong.

Try me. I dare you to write something funny. Knowing what I know, you'll end up writing some lonely little stub that gets forgotten and eventually posted on the QVFD. Maybe, just maybe, you will wisen up and join the ranks of the beloved contributor. There is hope yet! If you work intelligently, then you may as yet prove me wrong. But then again...if you fail, you will be ridiculed and exiled, forced to live out your remaining days as an ill-begotten IP.

Okay. Here it is.

*Sigh* This is exactly what we are concerned about. Please, just don't embarrass yourself any further. It's people like you who think they are hot shit and just end up ruining everything for the rest of us. It just isn't amusing to here how ridiculously funny your friend Jimmy is or how awesome your teacher is. Nobody cares. Just go home, kid, and stick to reading it. You aren't old enough to contribute with the big kids yet.

Fine. You Guys are assholes anyway.

Thanks! You just validated my entire rant. You are doing the human race a favor by just going back to your precious YouTube. Just don't try to make any videos. From what I've heard, you've got the personality of a dead hamster.

This wasn't even funny, man

Seeing that you failed to come up with a funny article yourself then by the law of all things funny (excluding you of course) you are not permitted to say what's funny (ME) and what's not (YOU). And BTWOMFDWTH it's called self-reference, and it's often hilarious. So STFU.

This website blows.

That's your opinion, and I respect that you have them, dickwad. I also respect that you gave up enough of your time to provide me with enough material to write a humorous article. Maybe if it gets a good enough Pee Review I can get it voted for on VFH.

Pee Review? VFH? I don't even want know. I'm getting the hell out of here

Good riddance. Little shit.

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