Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions/Do you care
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
"Do You Care" is mainly for highlighting great past articles. Please see Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions to make "Do You Know?" submissions.
A list of previously-featured articles may be found here. "Do you care" entries follow a similar format to DYK, but use 'facts' from the previously-highlighted articles. Anything else may be better suited to the main DYK list.
Each entry should begin with '*...that ' and should link to the corresponding source article(s). Note that the DYK/DYC boxes on the main page are randomised (to display just one of the entries at a time) and protected (so they must be updated by an admin before facts suggested below become an Uncyclopedia reality).
Do you care...
- ... that Anonymous is the most prolific writer that ever lived?
- ... that Uncyclopedia doesn't have an article on Moral Responsibility?
- ... that the sincerest form of flattery on a wiki is to have your user page vandalized with gay porn?
- ... that in 1996 Internet downloading officially replaced murder as the seventh deadly sin?
- ... that another anonymous user was given a 24 year ban? Sorry Nikki, you wont be getting the message.
- ... that the winner of the Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition receives not only a golden trophy, but also the right to be the primary enemy of the United States of America for one year?
- ... that air guitars typically have 6 strings and 24 frets?
- ... that the KITTENHOEFFER magazine stand by IKEA is one of the finest, clearest and most popular design examples of self-assembly furniture ever devised?
- ... that my Sharona is just a game in my mind. Is it just a matter of time?
Previously-featured articles in need of DYC. Do you care?
Existing DYC entries
- ... that the year 1927 was so awesome, immense applause at the end of it resulted in not one but eight encores?
- ...that AAAAAA Aaaa aa aaaaaaaaaa aaa!
- ...that, according to Aesop, a tortoise and a hare agreed to race? The hare took off at a tremendous pace, but lay down to sleep on the way. The slow but steady tortoise thus emerged victorious. Moral: Tortoises frequently carry rohypnol. Never leave your drink unattended when tortoises are about.
- ...that Afghanistan is a country located in Central Asia and in the Middle East, serving as a vital bridge between “nations that like to blow themselves up” and “nations that nobody really cares about"?
- ...that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
- ...that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ...that the first performance involving an Air Guitar was a live open-air concert outside of Sherwood Forest where Lute player Allan O'The Dell and Court Jester Robin The Gnarled appeared sporting a radical new design of Lute they had crafted from air?
- ...that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ...that All Your Base Are Belong To Us?
- ...that in the Perpetual 80's alternate universe, after December 31, 1989 all time-keeping devices revert back to Tuesday, January 1, 1980 due to a bug in the alternate universe's C64 system code?
- ...that Alternative Medicine is a broad term describing those things which differ from actual medicine, which is hopelessly unhip and square. None of them are quite as healthy as you putting the bong down and getting some fresh air and exercise, but what are the odds of that happening?
- ...that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ...that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
- ...that the Attack of the 500 foot Jesus will take place at exactly 06:06:06 on Tuesday the 1st of January, 2008, on the dot? Thus will Nostradamus finally be proven wrong, since he stupidly predicted that all of this would occur a full three days later.
- ...that the history of the Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition dates back to just before World War II? Benito Mussolini, seeking a way to bring his allies closer together, invited Adolf Hitler and Emperor Hirohito to Rome; Hitler brought a large number of frankfurters (his favourite) for the trip.
- ...that the disposal of broken banana phones by tossing them out the window onto the road often leads to a driver running over the banana and spinning out?
- ...that as soon as you compare someone to Hitler. you lose the argument immediately, the thread closes, and you are Banned from the Internet? Proposing war for the purity of the Aryan blood is an effective way to trick your opponent into comparing you with Hitler; you will also win a Certificate of Hitlertude.
- ...that, since a bar means a group of attorneys and Mitzvah means good deed, most Jewish scholars believe Bar Mitzvah translates to "It's good to know how to sue someone"?
- ...that a barrel clown is a clown that sleeps in every 14th construction barrel on the road? They sit in there all day, eating sandwiches until somebody hits their barrel with their car.
- ...that bloodbath is one of the most frequently attended spectator sports; Major League Bloodbath matches are enjoyed by millions of people everyday on the radio and TV?
- ...that the Dark Ages were caused by a lack of bon-bon deliciousness to make everyone happy and stop killing each other with swords and crossbows?
- ...that the film industry of Mediocre Britain has become one of the most successful film industries in the world as its wise and far-sighted producers, realising in the mid-80’s that people were afraid of any form of innovation or originality in the cinema, endlessly re-make the same 3 movies?
- ...that a Cabbage can kill you just by looking at you funny? They rip people in half all the time, and roll around in their bloody entrails. They wouldn't even think twice about tearing off your arm, and jamming it through your eyesocket so that the fingers are sticking out your mouth, and then kicking you in the nuts, which would make you BITE YOUR OWN FINGERS OFF. The purpose of the cabbage is to flip out and KILL.
- ...that whilst the Certificate of Hitlertude and the Certificate of Terrorism have been a rousing success, attempts to perform a similar service for people whose arguments have been compared to Communism have been less than successful as nobody cares anymore?
- ...that with the release of the limited editions of Spy vs. Spy and 3 Stooges, an outbreak of people having pianos dropped on them, being rolled over by steamrollers and encountering other bizarre incidents occurred? The next day, however, all of the victims were inexplicably unharmed.
- ...that Dake-Bonoism is a modern synthesis of the pentecostal teachings of the late Rev. Finis Jennings Dake and lyrical writings of Bono (lead singer for the popular Irish band U2)?
- ...that what marks the style of The Doctor out from other documentaries such as Horizon, The Day Today and Newsround Review is that the educational nature of the programme is carefully disguised behind a plot regarding aliens, time travel and such like, woven from the real-life adventures of Oscar Wilde?
- ...that the film Dude, Where's My Time Machine? has been criticized by physicists who claim the movie paints an unrealistic picture of time travel? Celebrated physicist and cartwheel champion Stephen Hawking said, "Even if we were to accept that that many sorority sluts could travel through time at once, it is still improbable that Mr. Kutcher would end up wearing one of the girls' panties."
- ...that Emoticonics, a well regarded and inconcievable science with a rich history and creamy centre, was established in the early eighteen sixty ones by Anonymous and was initially concerned almost entirely with developing a method for the faceless to convey emotion? ;)
- ...that the English–American Dictionary was designed as a reference to Americans as they attempt to understand, and be understood, by English-type people? It is intended to prevent embarrassment caused by the misinterpretation of rubber and other such words and phrases.
- ...that the word "Estonia" consists of two different words: "Est" and "Onia". Est means East and Onia=Onion, so Estonia should actually be called The Eastern Onion Country?
- ...that there is a website offering free iPods in return for completing offers and referring freinds to do the same?
- ...that Fanfiction.net, originally formed to distribute Harry Potter slash/fiction, was created by Josef Mengele as a means to test the limits of human endurance?
- ...that the word fascist refers to anyone who annoys you, even slightly? Why exactly the fascists stopped strutting around in black shirts publicly assaulting their enemies, and started correcting the spelling of your e-mails and telling you off for not washing your coffee cup is unknown.
- ...that Fecal E.Coli is the flagship product of the legendary Coca Coli Company.
- ...that the Flintstones obviously pre-dates the Honeymooners since it takes place at a time in history when men and dinosaurs shared the earth?
- ...that middle and high schools in America frequently exaggerate the intelligence, achievements and superpowers of the country’s Founding Fathers?
- ...that Ayn Rand's Fountainhead Earth series achieved negative sales, with critics sending their copies back as returns and more copies being remaindered than were actually printed.
- ... that It's A Wonderful Life's George Bailey was one of the most renowned criminals of the 1940s?
- ...that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
- ...that in German, you can easily wordyouanywaylikesentencetogetherputtingbybuild? In fact, it's mandatory. Talk like Yoda and take out the spaces.
- ...that Gibberish is a European language spoken on the windswept steppes of the British-controlled Iberian region of Gibraltar?
- ...that God is possibly the best known fictional entity on Earth after the Beatles? He was elected to be our god for the 2006th year running this year, barely beating the Egyptian sun god Ra, Omnipotent Odin, and the Almighty Prune (still recovering from alcoholism). He is also dog spelled backwards.
- ...that dentists have admitted that, thanks to the invention of the electric toothbrush, they are now pretty much useless? Many only survive by living on the street and collecting donations from people who give them money because they don't realize that they are dentists.
- ...that the Idiotic Table of the Elements was started by Greek scientist Idiocrates in 1430 BCE? The early table only contained four elements: Flaemon, Wettium, Windon, and Dirtium.
- ... that I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle?
- ... that it has been proven beyond reasonable doubt that the reason for 50% of modern marriages ending in divorce is because those people try to go to IKEA together for a relaxing afternoon?
- ... that Gödel's famous Incompleteness Theorem states that no Talk page is ever complete? He proved it by the diagonalization method, forming a diagonal string of comments of "we should end this discussion now" entries. This result was later improved on by repeatedly adding of "Shut up".
- ... that the modified iPod Nano 200 GB's capacity enables you to store about 50 000 pieces of music? If this capacity is filled with illegal "warez" mp3s, you can be fined up to 75 000 USD. (204 800 megabytes, 4 megabytes per song, 10 songs per CD,
averageCD price illegally fixed at 15 USD).
- ... that the iPod yocto, Apple's 1,337th digital audio player this year, is the smallest possible iPod? Its width and length are physically impossible to measure simultaneously, and it is the first known digital audio player to weigh less than air.
- ... that J.D. Salinger was this guy, he was a writer I think? He wrote this book, it was about baseball or bread or something.
- ... that Seigenthaler was himself assassinated on live TV in 1964 but made a special pact with Satan to preserve his living body, at the cost of his soul? Satan found his soul too small and stringy to be nutritious, and threw it in the garbage bin where it was never found.
- ... that Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One is a 2006 film starring Keira Knightley in a white corset and Kate Beckinsale in a black one? The film was titled according to the 2005 Hollywood Truth In Titling regulations.
- ... that the KITTENHOEFFER magazine stand and the NAPAALM torture rack are actually made from identical components, but issued with different instruction leaflets?
- ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
- ... that the kitten hurling battle originated in the steamy jungles of what is now Québec as a mating ritual of the Aztecs? Men would attempt to establish dominance over each other to impress females by measure of how vicious a kittening he could receive.
- ... that Kool Aid was a benefit concert held in order to help cool people everywhere, who were struggling to maintain their hip status in a world filled with squares?
- ... that Santa Claus is real? If you haven't seen him it's because you've been naughty, telling lies, or Jewish.
- ... that the gun that shoots guns that shoots swords is similar to the gun that shoots swords, but instead of shooting swords, it shoots another gun? When the second gun reaches the end of the string, you pull back on the first gun and the second gun shoots a sword.
- ... that Lord Byron was killed on May 25, 1840, in a pistol duel with Oscar Wilde at Wilde's East London apartment in what was promoted by Don King as the "Spat in the Flat"?
- ... that ** HTTP Error 403: Can't touch this! **?
- ... that the mystery of the missing milk was a mystery that dominated newspaper headlines and became one of the greatest conspiracy theories of 1995? It remains unsolved with literally tens of police officers working on the case daily.
- ... that Mordor is a former Soviet nation, which became an autonomous republic in 1984 with the fall of Hadrian's Wall? It borders Slovenia, Land of the Dead, Euthanasia, Ankh-Morpork, Magincia, Cop Land and Iraq.
- ... that Much Ado About Yokels by William Shakespeare is sassy, witty, funny, scathing, poised, naïve, twitterpated, smarmy, biting, sarcastic, caustic, intrepid, loathsome, riotous, and a terrible piece of theatre? After this play was published in 1902, it was doubtful that Shakespeare would ever work in Hollywood again.
- ... that Newmath was approved by Minitrue for inclusion into the Oceania state newcurriculum in 1984, along with newspeak and goodthink?
- ... that, while controversy has arisen over the name, imagery and the lack of African-American players or management of the Birmingham Niggers baseball club, the team's media guide notes: "You don't see any Native Americans playing for the Indians or Redskins, do you?"
...that, according to the DPRK, "Kim Jong-Il is regarded by many as the greatest being that the entirety of humanity has ever seen...and has caught Mew in Pokémon, obtained the Triforce in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and resurrected Aerith in Final Fantasy VII?"
- ... that Nostradamus was regarded as one of the best prophecy writers of the 13th century, penning the bestsellers The Da Vinci Code and 1984 which both won Ivor Novello Awards for their lyrical content? Most prophets of his generation were stoned, but he was more unconventional, preferring to inject marmite.
- ... that Open-Heart Surgery for Dummies was added to the "Dummies" series in 2002 in light of a sudden demand for cheaper heart surgery? The do-it-yourself method was popularised by this book, written by Gerald Carter, a freelance writer with no medical experience whatsoever.
- ... that the Orange Construction Barrel (viaae fabricatio barrelus) is one of several species of highly specialized plants which have adapted to be able to grow in the most extreme of conditions - the roadways of North America? It is the second most common member of the sub-genus fabricatio -- commonly known as the "fabriforms" -- and is prized for its weather-resistance and bioluminescent fruit.
- ... that Peer is this annoying guy who hangs out on IRC? He has connections with the Masters of the Internet so his name is always hidden from the user lists in channels. When someone least expects it, Peer jumps out and resets their connections.
- ... that Philip Glass (January 31, 1937 – ) is a composer of minimalist music, who once worked as a taxi driver in; Philip Glass is a composer of erotic music, who once worked as a taxi driver; Philip Glass is a composer of minimalist music, who once worked as a taxi...?
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
- ... that you forgot Poland?
- ...that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
- ...that Poop is part of a balanced breakfast?
- ...that Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution? What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle.
- ... that Quantum Economics conflicts with general common sense?
- ...that not since Pot v. Kettle has the Supreme Court presided over a more important case than Raccoon Tail v. Super Mario Cape?
- ...that random humour is unique in that it is the only type of humor that is an ingredient in Jell-O? It is best known for being similar to Mountain Dew in that it has no use in solving a maze.
...that when an expendable member of the crew in Star Trek wears a special uniform that creates reduced empathy, his death creates little discomfort, and he can be sacrificed for the good of the greater United Federation of Planets?
...that Redundancy is the use of superfluous text, speech, or items, repetitive text, speech, or items, that is more than what is required or is superfluous, repetitive, or more than required?
- ...that Romania's primary import is drama? Romanian roommates are the world's greatest natural source of drama, and their output does not diminish over time. Romania is also the world's leading exporter of vampires, gymnasts and sexual fetishisation of old women.
- ...that RTFM is Interwebs-speak for "Repeat the first message". If someone tells you to RTFM, be patient with them and copy-and-paste your original message several times. Typing the message with capslock on will improve the chances that it will get through.
- ...that Scotland is not currently allied with anyone although they do go out drinking and having a good time whilst watching the football with Ireland on occasion?
- ...that the Seven Deadly Sins are both seven and deadly? Whoever has the highest five-sin combination is immediately struck down.
- ...that Stereotype Reassignment Surgery is a newly invented technique allowing national, ethnic and social groups who are fed up with their current stereotypes to trade them with another group?
- ...that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
- ...that Styrofoam is a slightly edible fruit which is produced in overwhelming quantities from nothing at all?
- ...that the Book of Moses called The Table of Contents is the zeroth book of the Old Testament of the Holy Bible?
- ...that the Teletubbies, also known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, led Notre Dame to two football National Championships between 1920 and 1924? The four were all dominant figures in their respective positions in the back-field, crushing each opponent mightily.
- ...that Terri Schiavo, a martyr, was beatified for the miracle of distracting the American public long enough that God's will could be codified as law without anyone raising a fuss about it?
- ...that God (born God Cohen in 4004BC in Liverpool, England) is one of the most famous and prolific musicians in the Western world? Though he recorded under the name God during his early career, a contractual dispute with his former label led him to change his recording name to YHVH, a string of unpronouncable consonants?
- ...that the GI Joe-Transformers War took place in 1988, and resulted in the Autobots/Joe Alliance (AJA) gaining control over the Union of Decepticon and Cobra Forces' (UDCF) strongholds in the Bedroom and Backyard theatres?
- ...that [[The Most Quotable Smackdown of All Time]|“You can't kill Mark Twain, judge. He's an immortal piece of Ninteenth Century Americana.”]] ~ Winston Churchill
- ...that 'twas The Night After Christmas when all through the house, was an orgy of presents worth more than... the house?
- ...that language is believed to have first been discovered around 45,000,000 BC when, moving rocks from one big pile of rocks to another large pile of rocks, an unnamed caveman dropped a rock on his foot and uttered the pivotal first word: “Moog”? Modern scholars have extensively studied this word and, going through all root languages, cite the modern translation of “Moog” to be “Fuck, my toe!”
- ...that The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.
- ...that Uncyclopedia Brown is the fictional hero of a series of detective stories for small children written by Oscar Wilde? His real name is Rasputin H. Brown, but he is known by the nickname Uncyclopedia, due to his vast knowledge of facts, figures and dates, all of which are untrue, misleading or inaccurate.
- ...that the University of California was founded in 1868 by giant reptilian hippies from the planet Zarkon? It is the 56th State of the United States of America and owes its economic success to the fact that it is the only state of the union to abolish private property and become a communist utopia.
- ...that while your mobile phone takes photos and video clips, plays music, receives and sends email, browses the Web, has a PDA with WiFi and Bluetooth built in and, of course, does text and picture messaging, Nokia has proposed yet another feature, called "voice chat?"
- ...that in late 2001, President Bush declared total war on Planet Earth and all nation states and ecosystems harboring life?
- ...that Wilde wilde wicked Wikipedia is a tragic parody of Uncyclopedia, although Wikipedia claims the reverse.?
- ...that WMD refers to "W's Missing Doughnuts", an incident at a Cabinet meeting that is the most probable cause for The War Against Terror?
- ...that X-Windows completely determines the look, smell and feel of applications running on it in such a strict way that all application windows look exactly the same? Although this makes it look far better than Mac OS X and even Windows XP, some users find it hard to distinguish between their applications when they all have the same title.
- ...that you have two cows; Bessie, Maisie, and Clarabelle? You also have trouble counting.
- ...that zombies walk the Earth because there is simply no more room left in Hell; this as a result of the "No More Room In Hell Act" of 1662 wherein Satan outlawed further immigration into Hell because of "those damn dirty Americans" stealing all of the good jobs there and putting immense stress on the demonic economy?
- ...that you have been eaten by a Grue?