Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

This is where you can submit Did You Know entries. List your submission(s) below, and if the admins decide it's worthwhile, it will be added to the main page template. You can sign your submissions if you want.

Q: Why is DYK now locked?
A: Because when it was freely editable, the admins felt it was too funny and potentially dangerous to your mom.

Q: When will my submission appear?
A: When an admin decides that it's good enough for the front page. A warning: DYK is low priority for most admins. It may not be updated with new submissions frequently, and many entries will be deleted without making it to the main template. Here's how to maximise your chances:

Search the current DYKs and make sure yours isn't a repeat. No, "...that 75.8% of statistics are made up" won't cut it, sorry. You can press Ctrl+F to search some keywords.
Link to good pages in your DYK.
Sequence DYKs (i.e. using two or three or four indented entries for one DYK) are allowed, but don't go overboard.
DO SOMETHING ORIGINAL. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF SOPHIA, BE ORIGINAL.

How about this?

I better stop. I'm getting seasick.

Now I feel better.

Q: What is the template format?
A: All the DYKs are thrown into a random blender using the <choose> tags. That means only one (or a few) DYK will appear on the front page each time you load the page. So no, your DYK will not automagically appear after it's accepted.

Q: What about "Do You Care"?
A: Do You Care entries are mainly for highlighting great past articles.

Media:Example.ogg=Did You Know...=

...that evrey time The Jonas Brothers sings. A puppy dies?
...that according to microsoft Excell, zero to the power of zero equals #NUM!
...sex turns straight poeple gay and gays in to Mexicans?
...that your butt looks fat in those jeans?
...that you desperately need mental help?
...that if you read this your literate?
...that Amish people enjoy online roleplaying?
...that Stacey's mom has got it going on?
...that all your bombs are belong to us lololololololol
...that I can not spell Massachusetts. Oh wait...
...that the meaning of life is to bomb Iraq.
...that the cake is a lie.
...that children in Texas should leave home at the age age of six. Who knows what the parents will do to them?
...that vampires are invisible to mirrors because their reflections are pussies and hide?
...that Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 is the second best selling game of all time after Commnader Rat.
...that I am your father?
...that the wu-tang clan ain't nothing to fuck with?
...that Jesus is the other white meat?
...that the Did You Know under this one is actually true, so skip it.
...that the Phillipines has the highest murder rate of any country in the world?
...you didn't skip it so now I will kill you tonight.
...that if a drummer is too tired for an encore the drummer is too tired for the after party.
...that it is impossible to spell phycology? See what I did there?
...that reverse pshycology doesn't work?
...that everytime you take a breath a child in Africa dies. Breathe faster.
...that this page is 61 kilobytes long?
...oh wait, your mum just came in and now it's double that.
...that I wrote the last four Did You Know's and I do not plan to stop here.
...that I can see you?
...that first there was nothing then there were fat people. WORSHIP US FOR WE ARE THE MASTERS OF MCDONALDS!!!!
...that if I had a dollar for every time someone died, I could afford your funeral.
...that water is bad for the health because fish have sex in it?
...there are something money can't buy for everything else there's master card
...captain obvious says things you obviously know.
...that most Jews are rich? Ya, the rest are dead.
...that i took the cookies from the cookie jar.
...that love is not enough.
...that you should be getting ready for christmas early. Therefore put your turkey in the oven?
...that death is bad for the health?
...that if you press CTRL+ALT+A on google heart you have just founded a new game for next summer?
...that if my grass were an emo, i wouldn't need the lawnmower?
...that if my granfather were still life, now he would knoking on the coffin lid?
...that only Love can break your heart, but a 357 will open you up like a ripe tomatoe.
...that Radiohead sucks?
...that contrary to their tour name you can't see the Three Tenors for $30.
...that Jesus did know?
...that excessive warnings were issued today that all the warnings issued yesterday do not go into effect until tomorrow. You have been warned.
...that the cube root of Woody Woodpecker is Penis Penispenis.
...that the bird is the word?
...that cows go moo?
...that a ~~surprising~~ discerning number of these facts are true?
... Inkabink is French for "dirty vagina"
... that America's Most Wanted was canceled back in 2001 because their viewing audience believed that criminals on The FBI's Ten Most Wanted List were wanted Dead or Alive.
...that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you.
...that Redrum is murder spelled backwards?
...that if Ella Fitzgerald married Alan Funt, they'd have mulato children.
...that if you rearrange the letters in Voldemort you get "to blave', which everyone knows means "to bluff", which means he's only mostly dead.
...that yesterday, no.... wait.... that hasn't happened yet.
...that my wang is itchy?
...that Tone-Loc drinks his Medina straight up, not Funky or Cold.
...that gary colman is just danny devito painted black?
...that one out of every three homeless people have never bathed in their entire life?

...that English poofters stole Greek idea of playing rugby?

...that time is really going in reverse and that we are all speaking sdrawkcab?
...that all you motherfuckers are gonna pay?

...that evil is afoot? We must vanguish it! SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

...that tonight while you sleep, a cotton seed pod from outer space will be placed next to your bed, and grow into a sockpuppet that will replace you.

...that everything hurts when you poke it with a broken finger?

...that the Philippines is the true home of American and Indian foreigners?

...that the word "that" is not a common word?

...That media forms can underwrite cultural mobilization and resistance by articulating the voices of the marginalized, enabling them to formulate their own identities in opposition to hegemonic discourses that position them at the margins?

...That abstinence is only 99.999% effective.

That Champagne is considered by many to be the "Champagne of Champagnes"?

...that broken glass tastes like blood? (For obvious reasons.)
- ...but dosn't taste like glass to vampires? (Again, for obvious reasons.)
  - ...that as a result, Emos can be frequently seen munching on broken glass?
    - ...and as a result of the result, Emos can be found in garbage dumps scavenging for bottles to break?
...that The Lord knows I am not a cruel man?
- ...that I call my cat The Lord?
...that work is the curse of the drinking class?
...that

every single one of e e cummings

poemswere

written

entirelyinlowercase

brokenlined?

- ...j

u

stlikethis

?

...THAT I JUST SAID HELLO AND YOU DIDN'T RESPOND?!
...that I did your Mom?
- ...that the writer of the above "Did you know..." has been brutally slaughtered due to exteme retardedness?
  - that the writer of the above "brutally slaughtered due to exteme retardedness" has been brutally slaughtered due to extreme retardedness and bad grammar?
    - ...that a lot of people are going to jail for all of this slaughtering?
...That Texas Has a List of People who Legally are Mentally Retarded In the United States so they can prevent them from crossing their boarder.
...Christians think dancing is a sin? Personally I'd rather get up close to a woman's body on the dancefloor then listen to some boring old fart babble on about some boring-shit written 2000 years ago
...Jason Knight loves gay sex?
...doing the right thing really sucks?
...Somerville House is nicer then Stuartholmes?
...that my milkshake brings all the boys to my yard and damn right, it's better tha yours?
...that according to Scouting For Girls, Elvis isn't dead, Evlis is a dad and that Elvis is in debt?
...that when a tree falls and nobody is around chuck norris hears it.
...that there is a murderer behind you?
...that for 23 days The Incredible Hulk was believed to have been murdered?
...that the internet is not a truck?
...that all the lines in this column are funny and not just stupid?
- ...and this DYK is bound to go to the main page?
...that you did not know this?
...that most of these have already been said before
...that most of these have already beem said before
...that Waldo and Carmen Sandiego are the same person?
...that famous Rapper Boba Fett is currently wanted for the death of Michael Jackson and not Hulk, Thor, and the Fantastic Four.
...that ya mom enetered a ugly contes but was disqualified because the rules said "no profecionals"
...that uranus is a gas giant
...that DYK hasn't been funny ever scince it's creation. i never knew that. i thought it was the hight of wit
...that Tchaikovsky wasn't gay >.> <.<
...that Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything aroun him?
... that if you notice this notice then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
...that "Yo mamma" jokes are so old they make Yo Mumma look young!!!
...that no one actually understands R2-D2?
...that robe isnt famous for robes?
- ...and the bannister isn't famous for bannisters?
  - ...but Bega is famous for Bega?
- ...tabletop isn't famous for tabletops
- ...tamborine isn't famouns for tamborine
...that most of these have already beem said before
...that almost one in five people prefer a Labour government to an aggressive urinary tract infection?
...that "This" lead's to a new and improved version of Uncyclopedia?
...that you spin me right round?
...that having one testicle is more aerodynamic?
...that a question mark looks like this?
...that I have an alien probe made on Pluto for use on Uranus?
...that you weren't planned?
...that A moving droideka is a vunerable droideka?
...that nedaL niB amasO is a subliminal message?
...that my roommate is dating Miss Parallel Universe and Im jealous?
...that we sometimes recycle these?
...that Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley aren't really dead?
- ...that they're just hiding?
...that Uncyclopedia is an example of the Infinite Monkey Theorem?
...that masterbation will make your vision better?
...that Tom Cruise was the original inventor of the cruise-missile?
...that golden retrievers dont really find any gold when asked to dig?
...that some people actually pay for thrills but I get mine for free?
...that the tumor of death was sold to Tom Hanks for 13 seagulls?
...that Kafka actually had little talent, but was somehow lucky enough to compose great literature purely by accident?
...that every condolence spared to someone with AIDS means eight extra years in purgatory?
...that Uncyclopedia is not factual?
...that Microsoft fails?
...that Tom Cruise can fly when no one looks?
...that I keep finding squares in my diamond Shreddies.
...tahtt wrting typoes can reslut in suddden instnat death+
...that everything dissolves in sin.
...that you can press Z or R twice to do a Barrel Roll?
...that you are adopted and nobody loves you?
...that Wikipedia is watching you?
...that you can sit and try and think of a good Did You Know for 20 minutes and still end up just writing this?
...that these aren't very accurate?
...that you're a gay fish?
...that life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapeños?
...what you do todays might burn your ass tomorrow?
...that cheese is better with hot chocolate fudge?
...that if you can read this you may not be blind?
...that the Day Of The Jackal is not a national holiday?...not even for the jackals!!
...that Life evolved on earth when God puked after a roller coaster ride in Disneyland.
...that by reading this you agree to the terms and conditions on page 6,423 of file 96 sector 108 and will now burn in hell for all of eternity?
...that you just caused World Wars III and IV?
...that the 7 billion mice working at Google are all allergic to styrofoam?
...that that is that?
- ...and that that is all that is to say on that?
...that this page is 55 kilobytes long?
...that it is physically possible to walk through a wall?
...that dark matter is passing through us constantly?
...that the efficiency of a speeding lawn mower in 5.72 knot winds at exactly 3.739 inch grass with moderate puffin combustion is 14√¯x+|15|=|71|?
...that popcorn makes great Yeti repellant?
...that <insert name here> pooed his pants? and Ogopogo broke up with him because of that?
...that I knew that as well?
...that Pokemon is nearing it's end because i caught them all?
...that swine flu is coming for you?
...that women suck?
...that I rode your mum?
...that thisisacompletewasteoftimeandyoushouldnotbereadingthis?
...that William Hung released a christmas album called, "Hung For Christmas?"
...that Britney Spears is Brit spy.
...that Paris Hilton is Italian Spy.
...that more people have stayed in Paris Hilton, than have stayed in the Hilton in Paris
...that if you own a Ford car and you are perfect at driving, you can be part of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as Ford Prefect.
...that Sidney Sheldon was abducted by aliens and all novels are real alien saga.
...that even so called small dick Asians have more population than so called Big dick Americans and super Big dick Africans.
...ThAt ChAoStExT iS aCtUaLlY iS tHe FaStEsT wAy To BoTh TyPe AnD rEaD?
...that Navy Seals have health bars?
...that this sentence does not start with the standards Three-Dot-ellipsis?
...that ass is darker on the other side.
...that "Google" is fastest search engine which employees best mice in the world.
...that "Megahard Doors" will be launched in year 2050 as replacement for "Microsoft Windows".
...that the word "That" is written 546089 times on this page by now.
...that you have failed me for the last time?
...that teachers are aliens?
...that this sentence is free from both spelling and grammar errors?
...that Alfred Hitchcock got his name from a parlour trick he would play featuring a belt, his genitals and a bicycle?
...that neither Fayette Pinkney, Linda Turner nor Shirley Porter completed their university course?
...that your idea was dumber than snake-mittens?
...that furbies are the long-lost cousins twice removed from humans?
...that KFC diarrhoea actually burns because thats the way the Colonel wanted it to be.
...that the Rat Pack took their name from an especially carcinogenic brand of cigars?
...that if teenage mutant ninja turtles existed, the world would change?
...that cryptic comments are like a half-withered hydrangea dipping its petals luxuriously in a tub of Gatorade?
...that my teeth are made of light?
...that the world record for biting a baby alligator's tail and flinging is five feet and 21 milliliters of baby alligator tears?
...that we are the champions, my friend? And furthermore, that we will keep on fighting til the end?
...that life as we know it is wrong?
...that all hummingbirds are allergic to magma?
...that Nelson Mandela has fourteen identical twins, none of whom matter?
...that New Age crystals don't heal, but they do alter the orbits of the planets?
...that America's first president was not technically George Washington as is popularly believed, but instead the forgotten Mexican rebel Arturo the Eight-toothed Jackal?
...that Atlantis is merely the lavatory complex of the underwater arm of the CIA?
...that Qwerty keyboards are named after early '40s inventor Renatus J. Qwert?
...that all your base are belong to us?
...that whenever you play a flight simulator you're controlling an actual plane halfway around the world?
...that steam issuing from your dog's footprints is a sure sign of alien possession?
...that every given nickleplex yields three point seven roggles?
...that Daraa-Jindalee Apostolic Church is a boring shit hole
...that you cannot find hay in a needle?
...that you do not know?
...that I know that you don't know that he knows that you and I don't know that they don't know that she knows that I don't know that we don't know that they know that I don't want to know that you know that they and we know that she knows?
...that USB is a revised version of USA?
...that the only universally recognized gesture is jazz hands?
...that hippos make for delightful pets if you lobotomize them?
...that you can tell the future by the number of hairs on your body that point north?
...that Nutella makes the world go round?
...that scientists are searching for a way to transpose the Amazon onto Australia, with middling success?
...that gravity and momentum are a dirty Jewish ruse?
...that some more gruel would really hit the spot?
...that giant squid wrangling pays well as long as you don't mind the smell and your lungs are made of diamond?
...that if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, the tree will begin to sing Nightwish until somebody approaches within earshot?
...that Lava Gardens, Inc. may not be the wisest investment?
...that there is exactly one Rastafarian yeti?
...that "skiji" is not a word in any language?
...that jacks have never entertained anyone?
...that Laos is a lie?
...that many Cthulhu are cuddly if you get to know them?
...that most women aren't as turned on by lunatic shrieking as I'd hoped?
...that a robot can weep. A robot can weep.
...that whenever you sit down a grandmother expires?
...that before Pangaea the earth's landmass was composed of 12,000 tiny continents, each one independently named "Jyroxos" by the microbe kings?
...that money is unnecessary and any commodity can be purchased with fresh blood?
...that Amelia Earhart is currently on exhibition in an underground museum staffed by elderly zombies?
...that the Hindenburg was actually filled not with helium, but with lighter fluid?
...that Excalibur was actually first drawn from the stone by a particularly stupid Lars gibbon?
...that evolution nearly granted antelopes the ability to spit lightning?
...that moose are currently invading Yugoslavia?
...that the South shall rise again, then go back to bed because its far too early in the morning to be up?
...that the wax works at Madame Tussauds are actually real celebrities that just spent too long in tanning booths?
...that I live in your eyes?
...that somebody set us up the bomb?
...that I can see you picking your nose?
...that Twilight Sucks?
...that when nearly all of earths humans are extinct, China will save us?
...that no matter what you say, PS3 is better that Xbox 360?
...that I did not want to know the above fact?
...that reading this wastes 3 seconds of your life?
...that i am coming for you?
...that Michael Jackson is Muslim?
...that women don't have penises? (except your mum)
...that this is a sentence?
...that that means this?
...that only Enrique Iglesias knows what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the doors has changed?
...that you should get off this website and get a life?
...that if your eyes are the window into your soul, why does it hurt when I spray windex on them?
...that in during World War 2 five thousand combat deaths were attributed to sword wounds?
...that in my day you got whipped to within an inch of your life for such behaviour?
...that Uncyclopedia will close down if you dont put any GOOD did you knows?
...that if the whole population of China was standing in a line and you walk along it, you would never reach the end?
...that all contributions to Uncyclopedia are considered to be released under the Creative Commons SA License?
...Objects in the Mirror are actually behind you?
...that if you ate your own excrement you would poo out a packet of buscuits!
...that Rome was, in fact, built in a day, if you are talking about a day on Venus, which is nearly 165 years long!
...that the number thirty five did not exist until 1982.
...that it takes a male rabbit on average six "thrusts" to produce 17,544 offspring!
...that today was my hundredth failed suicide attempt.
...that six years ago TO THE DAY the date was EXACTLY the same as today, except it was 1969?
...that in Africa the sweetest gift they'll get this year in life (wooOOOOooo)
...that there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time.
...that by the time you have read this nearly three seconds have passed
...that you are the favored host to a certain debilitating brain eating virus?
- ...that they have ate your brain?
  - ...that the person next to you is the favored host to a certain debilitating brain eating virus?
...that hell is post mordem depression?
...that telling someone you are bleeding from the mouth only makes it worse?
...that I came back from the dead to do something of very little importance?
...that Mr. Nice Guy is a misnomer and oxymoron because he is actually a prick and all men are made out of crap, respectively?
...that I wasn't really wearing a condom and I'm sorry?
...that, for sure, people just broke up right now?
- ...and, for sure, exactly half of them are upset about it?
...that pigs will be jewish when pigs fly...into a temple?
...that you probably shouldn't try this at home?
...that i'm not credible, but don't take my word for it?
...that i'm not righting the write way, am I?
...that a pony with the swine flu is a little hoarse? And possibly dead?
...you did, didn't you?
...that this can't possibly make it to the main page?
...that I hate you, mom?
- ...that I hate you more, and that I'm not really your mom?
...that abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxy and z?
- ...and next time won't you sing with me?
...that you are inside a whale, inside time and space, inside a whale?
...that you are reading this backwards yesterday?
...that there is such a thing as an honest crook?
...that you have a very low risk of developing Zombosis, unless you are in fact reading this at this very moment?
...that due to a collaboration between biologists and computer hackers, you will soon be able to catch swine flu through the Internet?
...that Captain Obvious enjoys talking about obvious things like being obvious about obviousness about Captain Obvious? (Obviously)
...that when your mother kissed you goodnight, you had no previous information on where that mouth has been.
...that cheese contains animal stomach lining and pure fat. It's a good thing to think about when you've had "one to many" at your grandmother's funeral.
...that no one likes you?
...that mammary glands are lots of fun.
...that you don't have to be K.D.
...that apparently 1+1=fun on a bun (scientists are still trying to disprove that theory)?
...that Popeye's forearm muscles are actually malignant tumors?
...that this is the Main Page?
...that if you were me, then I'd be You, and therefore I'd be gay?
...that contrary to popular belief, there is actually another universe behind mirrors where everyone looks like you?
...that if you fall asleep to the Country Music Station you'll wake up racist?
...that I suffer from anteriograde memory loss?
...that Chris Crocker is gay!
...that I suffer from anteriograde memory loss?
...that you shouldn't ask questions you want to know the answer to?
...that Pokemon was originally a sitcom made by dinosaurs?
...that God blessed Atheism?
...that Rick Astley will, under no circumstances, give you up?
...that Republicans believe reading is a sin?
...that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I didn't know that?
...that questions are for the weak?
...that during the height of his career, MC Hammer was clinically proven to be both dope on the floor and magic on the mic simultaneously?
...that one sign for being gullible is that you have hair on you knuckles?
...that I'm sure that by this time, I'm sure you would have looked at your knuckles for hair, you can't have hair on you knuckles you gullible fool.
...that old ladies take 10 sec showers because they don't remember how long they have been in there.
...that momrouydekcufi spelt backwards is "i fucked your mom"? [Takes gun out - shoots self in head]
...that there is a Page with no links?
...that I just made you lose the game?
...that there are invisible people everywhere? Really look behind you?
...that the most philosophical question of all time is: Does one drink or eat soup?
...that flutes make really good blow darts?
...that all toasters toast toast? or do they toast bread?
...that Stalin enjoyed Half Life 2 so much he decided to model the whole of Moscow on City 17?
- ...that that is what he said?
...that eating a banana a day doubles your chances of blindness in later life?
...that processed foods were first eaten by Neanderthals?
...that this page is viewed millions of times a day. By Wikipedia.
...that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is watching YOU?
...that I farted and it smelled like mint?
...that swearing is banned here. **** it
...that ABC is easy as 123, but not quite as easy as ~~pie.~~Your Sister?
...that the overusage of 'that' is a sign of higher-order thinking?
...that the word 'like' is the most commonly used word by Australians between the ages of 12-16?
...that humans are actually (believe it or not) 98.2% chimpanzee. Don't know what the other 1.8% is, though.
...that telling racist jokes makes you unpopular, unless you are a politician.
...that you have less than 500 years to live?
...that DYK also stands for 'Donkey Kong'? Where's that Empire State Building, for his gynasium exercises?
...that if you say Dumbledore really slow it sounds like Gullible? No? say it slower, or maybe its faster?
...that brevity is the soul of lingerie?
...that the best part of beer is the empty glass.
...that there are more insects than humans. Small world, isn't it?
...that the usage of cliches does not automatically make you a cliche.
...that if your IQ is below 80, you have 'special abilities' such as tripping over your own legs and making weird noises?
...that eating bricks of cocaine helps you see in the dark?
...that the translation of "gullible" in Swahili is <insert name here>!!!
...that Disney currently has Sequel Fever...whoever knew there could be a Cinderella 4, a Bambi 3 and a Pinocchio 7: The Final Days?
...that no matter what you say if you are asked if your tickilish, you WILL BE TICKLED
...that 99% of did you know statistics are made up?
...that we serve both Coke AND Pepsi products here?
...that you can be a virgin but still suck?
...that when hookers die, they go to the Virgin Isles to be recycled.
...that if you die, you fail the reality tv show 'Life' and don't win the washer/dryer combo?
...that the yakuza roll was invented by sushi chef Hiro Masyai following a digit surplus resulting from the Great Patriotic Little Finger War?
...that the working title of the movie "Pretty Woman" was "Whore: A Fairy Tale"?
...that we aren't here, we are just more likely to be here than to not be here?
...that you can rob a bank with your lil doggy?
...that Long John Silver and Captain D had an arranged gay marriage at Red Lobster?
...that your life would never amount to anything, or did that just sort of happen?
...that today is Judgment Day? Show me your boobs and I will judge them.
...that it depends on what the definition of the word "it" is.
...that cats pretend not to like to swim? and that they like it even more while inside a burlap sack?
...that if YouTube Myspace, you may get an STD?
- ...but Facebook still has trouble getting laid?
...that I know it & she knows it & he knows it & it knows it & so do they & you probably know it too?
...that over 60% of kidnappings don't involve either kids or naps?
- ...that the above statement only applies when not talking about Michael Jackson?
...that murder is the leading cause of death in murder victims?
... that Republicans are the densest substance on the planet next to diamonds and peanut butter?
...that Jesus Juice, despite popular belief, does not give you the ability to morph into a Jesus Power Ranger?
...that if Ted Nugent grew a beard, and turned water to Jack Daniels, he would actually be Jesus?
...that giant pelicans cause the deaths of over 67% of all missing persons cases?
...that the exact right penis gives you your daily doses of vitamins H, I, and V?
- ...and that the exact wrong one can give you your daily doses of S, T and D?
...that half of all marriages end in death?
...that all newspapers in non-muggles world are printed on E-Paper?
...that this statement has no information that you didn't already know?
...that the Easter Bunny is actually a pedophile in disguise?
...that life is better in HD?
...that this is all a scam to get free yamulkas?
...that codename "Pink Eye", the elementary school horror, is only second on the contagious list next to this?
...that I actually did this and that with this guy and that guy to that girl?
...that people will easily take their minds off the world crisis thanks to the end of the world?
...that if you can't complete life without a training manual, you're of no use to anyone so kill yourself.
...that here at Uncyclopedia nobody gives a shit?
- ...and if you do give a shit your pants will be soiled, and nothing else?
  - ...and that I need Laxatives to give a shit?
    - ...that many Icelandic tribes give one another shit to commemorate the birth of Sir Steve Redgrace?
...that there is no Santa Claus? Tuff, I know.
...that the synthetic bass heard in the beginning of "I kissed a girl" is actually Tila Tequila's kinky growl at Katy Perry's hot body?
...that giant pelicans attack school buses?
...that it is room temperature?
...that if you're reading this, you're head would asplode from the sheer awesomeness that this statement exudes?
...that the bird is the word?
...that if a fly lose its wings, it will be called 'a walk'?
...that no one will care about global warming until the environmentalists can come up with a better commercial about it?
- ...but that Al Gore will still think he's funny? (Joke's on him)
...that most drug users have also have drank milk?
...that The Killers are actually dancer, NOT human?
...that in Rock Band 2, there is a secret unlockable mode called "shitty garage band", where you live with your parents, boring them about how "I'll make it one day" and can't get any gigs?
...that indiscriminate use of (way too many(well, over three (or more))) parenthesis (can sometime(well, it happens with me(sometimes))) cause one(or more) people to loose interest in... (what was i on about? (what about braces?[yes! they are just as bad{and curly ones! don't get me started!!!}]) (and ellipsis...[i could write a book about ellipsis{and braces, curly or not}])...
...that you are sitting alone in a dark room, probably doing immoral duties?
...that I'm getting kind of blue and am looking for an interesting way to go. Know of any cheap flights to Las Vegas? That Roaming Gnome guy really creeps me out, so Travelocity is out...
...that your parents aren't proud of you because they wanted you to become the next pope?
...that Lindsey Lohan wanted to keep dating Luke Skywalker, but his work got in the way of their relationship?
...that Shakespeare was just a really, really naughty elf as a child?
...that Americans move occasionally when provoked?
...that ping pong was not invented to be played alone, as demonstrated by the diagram?

(>'.')>=O____l_*__O=<('.'<)

...that you are about to enter into the Twilight Zone?
...that bitches most definitely be crazy?
...that we need a new mascot right now?
...that the industry of bullshit is the highest-selling industry in America?
...that the arc wielder on Jak 3 is more effective on organic enemies than robots?
...that the Dyson vacuum is the first vacuum that manipulates the laws of physics to achieve a new level of convenient cleanliness?
...that Dr Pepper is just really, really old Coke?
...that anything about sex from school that applied to the real thing?
...that everything in life is a lot less important than people would have you believe?
...that God was t-bagg'd on Halo 3?
...that this line is only here when you look at it?
...that deep in the Himalayas, the disco monks have an stupa covered entirely in little mirrors?
...that in the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man still looks suspiciously like Sandy Duncan.
...that Vladimir Nabokov was the only person who ever knew what the hell Vladimir Nabokov was talking about?
...that Jew Juice is a delicious and refreshing beverage?
- ...and that its flavours involve Cherry Chelmno and Tropical Treblinka?
...that if you see certain words on the screen, you will instantly turn oedipal?
...that you have a brain tumor?
...that I love you, <insert name here>. I've loved you forever. I've been admiring you from afar for much too long now. please, <insert name here>, will you marry me? Or at least let me kiss you?
...that if you give a mouse a cookie, he'll ask for some milk, and if you give him some milk he'll ask for world domination
- ...that <insert name here> is actually gay?
...that the members of AC/DC haven't died from over exposure yet?
...that you are wasting your time by reading this ... and I am by writing it?
...that all art is in fact useless?
...that 4 out of 5 people enjoy gang rape?
- ...that only the bearded lady enjoys clown rape?
...that masturbating with sand paper and icey-hot is considered the most pleasurable form of sexual stimulation for males?
...that when Barack Obama becomes president, one could say that the White House has B. O.?
...that Sondre came to school on a donkey?
...that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
...that you are in the vicinity of an area adjacent to a Location?
...that if you dont study you are, in fact, a Turkey?
...that Cap'n Crunch's pupils get increasingly constricted with each redesign of the cereal box?
...that help isn't coming?
...that Hebburn is a place on Earth?
...that all dogs go to Hebburn?
...that I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!!? <slurp!> <slurp!> I DRINK IT UP!! <slurp!> <slurp!>
...that I have absolutely nothing to say?
...that Mosquitoes have 42 teeth?
...that 42 is the only number that equals 42?
...that Wayne Brady has to choke a bitch?
...that if you do not sacrifice your first born to Cthulhu, you will contract at least four of these types of AIDS?
...that choosy moms choose Jif, and choosy necromancers choose Skippy?
...that Uncle Joe never took you turkey hunting like he promised he would for Thanksgiving?
...that if you laugh while telling a joke, people will automatically appreciate it more?
...that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
...that I know what you know but you don't know what I know because I'm psychic and you aren't?
...that you can click three times here for a present? I can't believe you actually fell for it!
...that you're eating to much dairy?
...that Hitler's last words were 'When the music's over, turn out the lights'? (Meaning, offcourse, that he wanted to come here secretly and delete this pointless entry.)
...that guy? No, too bad, he has your money...
...that Spam isn't made of real meat?
...that hot dogs aren't made of dogs?
...that Harold Shipman was a very credible member of the community and that many of his patients should have attended his funeral out of respect?
...that there are no black munchkins in Munchkin Land?
...that if you start me up I'll never stop?
...that you are currently being brainwashed?
...that Tay zonday died from suffication because he forgot to step away from the mic to breath?
...that the cake is a lie?
- ...that while the cake is a lie it is in fact very delicious?
...that the Bermuda Triangle is actually a square?
...that gullible is actually in the dictionary and that asshole who told you it wasn't has been killed in a car accident?
- ...that "credulous" is not in the dictionary?
...that killing your twin is same as suicide?
...that all you need is love? .... and some oxygen.
...that you are the evil twin?
...that circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works?
...that if you insert fingers up both nostrils at the same time you see only in black and white?
- ...that everyone reading this page just stuck both fingers up their nostrils?
...that a tortoise is the current president of Nigeria?
...that yoghurts are banned in Bolivia for their revolutionary tendencies?
...that you only have 4 Minutes to Save the World?
...that candy is dandy, but liqueur is quicker?
...that I find your lack of faith disturbing?
...that 80% of the population prefers to get on the high horse than taking the high road?
...that cannibisalism only leaves you laughing, red-eyed and hungry for more human?
...that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
...that you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil is always lead?
...that I know that you know what I knowingly knew before you knew that I knew what you know as well?
...that foo and bar all the most commonly used filenames for nonexistent files?
...that you cannot use a guitar pick for movement on a laptop
...that if you plan on living forever, you're doing pretty damn well right now. congratulations.
...that 89% of people that die don't come back?
...that dead kittens are almost as funny as terminally ill orphans?
...that They Say its all about to end.
...that Boxes the Movie performed so badly in the box-office, the makers couldn't afford to buy the box back for a sequel?
...that Swedish Fish are actually made in Canada?
...that if a quiz is quizzical, then a test must be...
...that you talk to yourself when you pray?
- ...and therefore, by default, you are God?
...that the Muffin Man poisons his muffins?
...that if you turn macaroni inside-out the hole is on the outside and you've made spaghetti?
...that Humpty Dumpty was pushed?
...Giraffes have an anus for a face?
- ...that I totally just made you look?
...that nobody can find the fucking droids you're looking for?
...that scientists have shown dieting is bad for you, and starving is healthier?
...that the Earth is flat?
- ...that the only reason that geographical globes are round is because globemakers get more money for making round globes than flat ones?
...that cancer is contagious?
...that recent studies in medicine attribute the so-called "cotton-eye" of Cotton-Eye Joe to be a cancerous tumor in the frontal lobe?
...that things are not always as they seem. Sometimes a balloon can spell your doom, but a gory head stump can mean good luck?
...the Muffin Man?
...that mimes will someday awaken nigh limitless psychic powers and attempt to take over the world only to accidentally suffocate themselves when none of them can find a way out of their invisible boxes?
...that the 25.4% of statistics that are not made up are LIES.
...that copper wire was invented by a Mennonite and a Jew fighting over a penny?
...that I just fixed grammer the mistke above? Alng with spelleing?
- ...that you really did know that? But you've just been denying it whenever your friends ask you?
…that 100% of our carbon emissions could be stopped if we all died?
....that we are watching you Steven Stringer, and we're very displeased. Very displeased indeed!?
...that this is the "Did You Know?" section?
...that none of the links in this sentence have anything to do with it?
...that the bird is a word?
- ...that everybody knows that the bird is the word?
...that signing up for organ donation is quick, painless, and easy?
- ...that if you ever kill yourself, you could save the lives of 10 different people right now?
...that 'Planet of the Apes' was based on a true story?
...that the last condom you used had a hole in it?
...that your last sex partner was a hermaphrodite?
...there is a good chance you will die before your dog
...that there is a man in Belgium called 'The Ant Whisperer'?
...that the shape of a vegetable can decide the date of your next birthday?
...that the Pope likes to be called 'Benny' when alone in the Vatican?
...that the Bible once had a recipe for shell fish at the end of the Book of Job ?
...that USA President-Elect Barack Obama is distantly related to Osama bin Laden , Britney Spears and one of the aliens found at Roswell ?
...that sex after death is possible if you believe in the Toothpick Fairy ?
...that the noun 'police' is a contraction of 'Polly's lice' ?
...that the Prophet Mohammed still has an outstanding parking ticket after he left his horse in Jerusalem?
...that you can predict the weather by sucking on a day old tea bag ?
...that 'Torquemada' is the Spanish for 'your car is a heretic' ?
...that the Missionary Position is also an opening gambit in chess ?
...that the poet John Donne wrote all his work on banana leaves ?
...that Coldplay are paid bonus money to be miserable ?
...that the virgin Mary was out shopping the first time the angel Gabriel came knocking ?
...that cat urine was once worn by ancient Egyptian women as an aphrodisiac ?
...that Led Zeppelin were originally going to be called Barrage Balloon ?
...that packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" on them are actually delicious ?
…that you only have shinty-six days left to live?
...that willful failure to offer the boss a blowjob is a leading cause of bad credit?
...that in western Norway, it's cooler to wear a t-shirt with a tractor on it than a black metal t-shirt?
- ...that's not just Norway, guys. Tractors RULE!
...that when I was out they took me back in.
...that before Bill Clinton banged Monica Lewinsky in the 90's as President, in the 80's as Governor of Arkansas he banged a hooker named Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?
...that if you knew your future, you could spit right into the face of karma?
...that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
...that universe is a good source of existence?
- ...and that the above statement has such immeasurable obviousness that it would pulverize Captain Obvious to sawdust?
...that cancer may not be contagious, but Your Mom is?
- ...that Aids is contagious because of Your Mom?
...that it isn't funny to? mispla.ce, punct"uation marks"/
...that termites chew through wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music?
...that when fear grips you, it is mandatory to panic?
...that your sex is on fire?
...that sneezing in the sole company of an atheist inevitably leads to an awkward silence?
...that Queen Victoria was actualy very much amused?
...that i just lost the game?
...that when you die, you wake up and realise that your whole life was all just a dream?
...that there is no recession...chuck norris is only saving his money
...that Wikipedia is the most reliable source of information in the world?
...that these aren't the droids you're looking for.
...that Wallace and gromit is filmed before a live studio audience?
...that smoking graphite doesn't cause lead poisoning?
...that the Scissor Sisters really DON'T feel like dancin', no sir, no dancing today?
...that Terry Wrist and Al Kyder are really good friends?
...that <insert name here> thinks this is the username template?
...that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
...that the pyramids were actually built by a bunch of aliens who only did it for a laugh?
- ...that the pyramids were then used to assassinate Tutankhamun? look on the bottom of them and you'll see a Tutankhamun-shaped indentation where they were dropped on him.
...that being pissed off is better than being pissed on?
...that "subject to opinion" is the greated disclaimer in the world (subject to opinion)
...that I herd you liek mudkipz?
...that the Apostle Paul was not straight, as in not a heterosexual? (See his 'coming out' in I Corinthians 7:7-9.)
...that Venus is NOT the International Space Station? (No, the ISS is not in a geosynchronous orbit, and if it were, dammit, it'd be too far away to see!)
...that this is a lie?
- ...and this isn't?
...that ya mom
...that sometimes I don't finish senta-
... I didn't start this with that? Wait...
...that Edward Cullen died in 1918. That would make him a paedophile, and Bella a necrophiliac.
...that volcanoes are physically impossible.
...that people with longer toes have better eyesight.
...that we don't believe in c-c-currency anymore. We're a t-t-totalit-tarian society.
...that I'm on yer roof, and I got dem Brain Dawgz, got dem Brain Dawgz, got dem Brain Dawgz!
...that WTF means What the Fuck? I didn't.
...that Azazel stole Satan's identity?
...that every time you misquote Oscar Wilde, a new meme is posted on 4chan?
...that 96.4326% of statistics are made up.
...that someone set us up the bomb?
...that the Romans still walk among us...they are the World Roman Legion!!
...that I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok?
...that finsbury park backwards is funny?
...that the end of the last Harry Potter book is naf? He gets burnt at the stake
...that you can give a hand to Uncyclopedia by sending it through mail? preferably in a leak-proof container.
...that I saw you through your bedroom window last night, those underpants looked awfully tight.
...that you should close the curtains in future.
...that this sentence contradicts itself... actually, no it doesn't.
...that U2 find sunday a bloody day?
...that Peter Smith knows best?
...that by saying this I'm being funny and not just stupid?
...that you are not who you think you are?
...that Hung Su Li will probably die of tongue cancer while waiting for chinese democracy?
...that just like magic you're liver will be very yellow if you drink alcohol 24h a day every day, every year?
...that the meaning of the expression "finding a needle in a hay" isn't correct? It's damn hard, it can't be correct.
...that "that" is that no matter what you say?
...that I forgot what I was going to say?
...that really exists a spider pig?
...that the roof is really on fire?
...that I'm an alien dressed up like a human being?
...that, according to Maias, the appocalipse will be in 2012?
...that Portugal is a country and the national language is portuguese and not spanish?
...that Elvis is dead? I didn't.
...that if you have any doubts, of any kind, YOU can ask me?
...that I now see the light...oh no wait...wait...it's a FREAKIN' TRAIN!!!
...that I should be doing my assignments right now!
...that we are bored and have nothing to do right now :)
...that if you are reading this you have just read it.
...that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
...that babies are fun to juggle?
...that if you squint really hard and stare at an Asian person you'll see them giving you angry looks?
...that your mom could be doing your dad right now?
...that N-dubz are actually all midgets
...that Michael Moore was illiterate until he was 17?
...that 50 cent graduated from Harvard with honours?
...that long cat is long?
...that the most thought about thing when people wake up is "why is their more spots up there?"
...that I forgot what i was going to write?
...that I just realised that my above submission has already been used? *unhappy face*
...that I have met a nice South African?
...that Photoshop isnt a shop?
...that Homosexuals are actually gay?
...that everything you read in the newspaper is true. Even that article about the Queen being killed by a neo nazi rabbit.
...that the above comments are complete bullshit?
...that 2+2=5 except in a France where 2+2 = 7.
...that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one.
...that if you dance like a penguin while eating a pankake you will turn into a giant Hippo??
...that disney channel is making everyone a singer?
...that i just deleted an entire wikipedia article and replaced it with the word poo?
...that the Earth is flat?
...that this is Uncyclopedia?
...that words don't come easy to m ?
...that the state of origin isn't at N 00"00'00', E 00"00'00'?
...that adding "in bed" at the end of a fortune cookie's fortune will make it hilarious?
...that all of the people executed in Texas are Democrats?
...that you can tell a Democrat as far as you can see him, but when your up close you can"t tell him a thing?
...that muffins are delicious?
- ...and so are cupcakes?
...that you make my heart sing, wild thing?
...that the above DYK was a reference to a '60s song?
...that Lucky Charms are magically delicious?
...that I created the sound of madness?
- ...and the sound of silence?
...that 100% of shark attacks involve a shark?
...that you can have your cake and eat it too?
...that Adolf Hitler wanted to be a fairy?
...that Shoe Polishes can kill Werewolves?
- ...but Polish shoes can't?
...that movie "The Hills Have Eyes" was actually intended to be a documentary about the Chernobyl landscape?
...that Darth Vader is, in fact, your father?
...that you already read this...and you'll probity read it again next time you visit this page.
...that all your base are belong to us
...that every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal.
...that the bird is the word?
...that Patrick Swayze invented bestiality on the whims of a bet?
...that Michael Jackson is loved by a billion more people than you and he was a homosexual pedophile?
...that Tim Tebow feeds and clothes lepers yet he doesn't know what pussy tastes like?
...that a shark will only attack you if you are wet?
...that Adolf Hitler is dead?
...that watching Simpsons re-runs gives you cancer?
...that everyone generalizes?
- ...that no-one believes this?
...that www.gppglr.com is an actual web address that redirects to Google?
...that in year 0 all computers crashed because they coudn't handle the change from negative year numbers to positive ones
...that watching Family Guy will make you realize that nothing is funny about the show?
...that Ginny Weasley was actually a boy when born, and was magically castrated and beholed by her Mum out of frustration?
...that <insert name here> is now wanted in 14 countries?
...that it's terminal?
...that i am wanted by all the hot women in those 14 countries?
...that the toilet was invented by a man named Crapper? and that his full name was Shithole Turdbowl Crapper?
...that I'm going to let you finish, but this Did You Know is one of the greatest of all time? OF ALL TIME!!
...that Bjorn of the Iron Fez is in fact, NOT the founder of America?
...that People for Ethical Treatment of Animals is a wing of People's Liberation Army?
...that I stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
...that Soylent Green IS PEOPLE! (And Bruce Willis is dead)
that the 80's never actually existed, they were just a scary drug trip
...that I don't now how you reached me, because i don't have a telephone?
...that spaghetti westerns don't REALLY have a whole lot of spaghetti?
...that if you insert money into a drink vending machine, you get a free refreshment of your choice?
...that this is the golden age of grotesque?
..that when Democrat Peter Pan(U.S. President 1982-1990) was U.S. President in 1989, he held a milk summit with Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, then played Super Mario Bros. and watched MTV afterwards?
...that black metal ist not krieg, and in fact it's about as krieg as a french painter dressed as Dame Edna playing a flowery harpsicord?
...that somewhere there is a fat guy in a little coat.
...that if the answer to life the universe and everything is 42, then every question in the world =42?
...... if you dont like pokemon you are extra normal.
...that telling your mom jokes to orphans is hazardous to your health?
...that anonymous is actually a person?
...that Black Friday was changed to White Friday on allegations of racism?
...that all generalisms are wrong?
...that every 23 seconds, someone is having sex in a carpet store?
...that spiteful words may hurt my feelings but empty silence breaks my heart?
...that if you can't find something on Uncyclopedia, it probably doesn't exist?
...that Sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
...that although everyone has a nose, it is often overlooked?
...that this is not a tomato?
...that life is the cause of all diseases...and all deaths?
...that you am not as think as you drunk I are?

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...that, no doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious?	...that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner?	...that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn ?	...that Whoopi Goldberg once had a brief affair with a cast member of Sesame Street ?
...that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children?	...that Kilroy was here?	...that the Sasquatch is the official provincial animal of Saskatchewan?	...that Tyra Banks and Ted Danson first got their big break starring as brother and sister on the television series, Dinosaurs?
...that there's only a slight difference between you and me?	...that American tourism in Vietnam was at its height during the 1960s?	...that your dog wants steak, but would settle for chopped liver?	...that Roman Giertych has been comatose for fifteen years? With over half that time spent as the Deputy Prime Minister of Poland?
...that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht?	...that Attack of the 50ft Hitler was the first and only film directed by Alan Smithee for the Nazis?	...that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave?	...that Malcom X absolutly loved Kentucky Fried Chicken?
...that- OMG!! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!	...that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night?	...that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative?	...that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now?
...that the End of the World is just a button away?	...that 私は日本人になっています, at least I think so?	...that Ogopogo is a cannibal?	...that the Gay Agenda is out to get you?
...that I started drowning two minutes before typing this?	...that Fox News once blamed illegal aliens for 9/11?	...that I'm coming to get you?	...that in his later years, Albert Einstein allowed his likeness to be used to sell pornography?
...that I hear voices outside my room?	...that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet?	...that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers?	...that I've fallen and I can't get up?
...that yesterday while at a local eatery I noticed something not quite right?	...that Casper was once used by the Ku Klux Klan to recruit children?	...that early in her career, Angelina Jolie used extensive cgi effects to cover up her anorexia?	...that the father of Akira Kurosawa was an accomplished Elvis impersonator?
...that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book?	...that while Naruto makes up the largest percentage of content on YouTube, it has only been watched by three people?	...that logging is considered a blood sport in the state of Maine?	...that Saddam Hussain had himself edited in as a host for all Iraqi children's programming?
...that I'm quite mad you know, but only slighly?	...that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975?	...that Van Halen went on a drunken tirade at the 1986 Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards?	...that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers?
...that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood?	...that a deleted scene in Dora the Explorer: The Movie reveals an alternate ending?	...that Gonzo was the first Muppet allowed to attend the Academy Awards?	...that Paul Daniels once attempted suicide on Britain's Got Talent?
...that Condoleezza Rice is NOT Michelle Obama?	...that Baptist ministers can expand up to three times their normal size when angered?	...that Keith Olbermann once had a "wardobe malfunction" during a live news broadcast?	...that Spongebob Squarepants was an early leader of the Nazi movement?
...if we should turn here?	...that a smiling Joe Pesci is never a good thing?	...the secret to good advertising is to lie?	...that the Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament was founded by the Duke of York?
...that the Silver Surfer has a very large family?	...cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk!	...that Oh My God! There's a Meteor Heading Towards Us!	...that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor?
...that only The magically inclined and cats are able to see death? Normal people don't see what they know isn't there, but how do they know it isn't there if they can't see it?	...that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation?	...that Paris is known to be home to some of the rudest people in Europe?	...that in the Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US?
...that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747?	...that the Angel of Death is after you?	...that Big Bird was the guest of honor on a special Thanksgiving episode of Sesame Street?	...that the 500 ft tall turd monster went on a rampage in downtown Los Angeles in 1994?
...who else supported recycling?	...that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization supported by PETA and Greenpeace?	...that barbarian hordes are the largest minority group in Scandinavia?	...that in El Salvador roosters rule with an iron fist?
...that Dragonball Z contains anti-semitic slurs?	...that the Southern United States is well-known for its "southern hospitality"?

Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions

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