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I himmler

Heinrich Himmler in his Gothic Lolita uniform.
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Today's Featured Article

Today's Featured Article - Violet Jessop

Violet Jessop

Violet Constance Jessop was a ship stewardess and nurse dubbed "Miss Unsinkable" after surviving three major ship accidents including the sinkings of RMS Titanic and HMHS Britannic. Controversy surrounds her as to whether she was a Jonah, a curse to any ship she was aboard, or someone possessing incredible luck. Survival experts argue to this day over who was the better floater: Jessop, The Unsinkable Molly Brown or your bog-standard duck. Several experts point to Jessop's floaty bits as being key to her survival. Other historians note that the first liner she left, RMS Olympic, became a remarkably adept survivor by shrugging off collisions with 3 major vessels, a torpedo attack and a hentai assault by a kraken. Further, they are of the opinion that her powers, whatever those might have been, would have qualified her to join the Golden Age version of the Justice League of America. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

P47 stoat

May 23: Stoat Molesting Night

  • 818 - The Force is disturbed for the first time.
  • 1783 - Due to a lack of women, American pioneers settle for stoats.
  • 1828 - Soap factory accident creates marshmallows.
  • 1829 - Marshmallow factory accident creates tupperware.
  • 1834 - The Force puts a DO NOT DISTURB sign on her door.
  • 1913 - Igor Stravinsky's The Rite Of Spring is first performed in Paris. It is a huge success and nobody riots, not even a little.
  • 1936 - Joseph Stalin's tye dye phase ends after only one day due to heavy criticism from peasants. Stalin then orders the death of all peasants.
  • 1976 - Syracuse, New York begins the annual Punch an Old Person festival. Results in 128,693 fatalities.
  • 1985 - The Force is disturbed by its obnoxious roommate at 3 a.m. The Force becomes pissed.
  • 2000 - B.O. level in Otakon reaches intolerable levels, government issues airstrikes.
  • 2001 - TimeWarner merges with Canadian Canned WormsTM.
  • 2002 - Canadian Canned WormsTM TimeWarner buys Microsoft.
  • 2006 - Ask Hal 9000 created.
  • 2007 - President George W. Bush accidentally knocks over his ant farm and cries.
  • 2011 - You Read May 22nd's "On this Day" section.
  • 2012 - May 23rd, 2012 hasn't happened yet.

Archived Anniversaries

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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