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Today's Featured Article - Medieval Marginalia

Medieval Marginalia 9

In a world without the benefit of the internet it could take decades for cat memes to circulate throughout Europe while an email could take several months to deliver - a speed surpassed by AOL as long ago as 2014. So how could news be efficiently spread to an illiterate, turnip-obsessed public? The answer was to use illustrations to convey complex ideas. Chaucer himself records the latest treatise on hamster rearing arriving in Chichester and the peasantry pouring over its sage advice even while they coughed out their intestines during the Great Scratching Sickness of 1364.

Hygiene standards were low in the Medieval World, leading to endemic dysentery and a consequent chronic paper shortage. Scribes took the sensible decision to pass on their knowledge in the spaces alongside the script of a popular self-help book of the day, The Holy Bible. The superstitious psycho-babble of this frankly bizarre publication now seems as incomprehensible as it is dated, but the wisdom of the Medieval Marginalia often hidden in its darkest corners speaks to us down the ages. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

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Behold his Divine Noodliness!

September 26: Happy Pastafarian New Year!

  • 13,775,000,001 BC - The Flying Spaghetti Monster creates the Universe, then quickly retreats back into his dishy domain until the time is right.
  • 75 BC - Julius Caesar finally catches up with the prophet Mosey along the shores of the Mediterranean and crucifies him, along with his closest friends; they then dismantle his ship, the Lasagne, and sell it for scrap, ushering in the start of the Pastafarian calendar.
  • 1403 - Alfredo de Spag-Hetti, a merchant from Parma, begins his attempt of translating copies of the sacred texts of Pastafarianism, first given to him by an Arab trader, on this day.
  • 1708 - Blackbeard is finally killed by the South Carolina militia.
  • 1796 - Robert Burns convenes his first (and only) Burns supper; he dies in the middle of it and is devoured as part of the pasta course.
  • 1837 - Humpty Dumpty converts to Pastafarianism, is tossed off a wall for it.
  • 1922 - The Flying Spaghetti Monster curses President Warren G. Harding for being so corrupt; he falls ill and dies over the next year.
  • 1930 - Wall Street crashes due to pasta stocks going through the roof.
  • 1957 - British television viewers are informed of the dire plight of the Swiss spaghetti crop on the BBC's Panorama.
  • 1971 - Flying Spaghetti Monster moves into the Vatican, the rivers run red with pasta sauce.
  • 2005 - Bobby Henderson announces his rediscovery of the Flying Spaghetti Monster on this day.

Archived Anniversaries

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From Uncyclopedia's biggest morons:

  • ...that really fat people cannot wash themselves but must avail of car washes late at night?


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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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