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These weapons have been declared of PUBLIC CONCERN by the United Nations Department of Homeland Security
This is because there is no word for "parody" in our society.

Access Code <insert name here>-Alpha Six


Welcome Agent #998,001 to the Uncyclopedia Armory. Your last access date was December 7, 2007. Coffee is located on the right desk, pens on the other, and the computer...well...is infront of you agent, please open your eyes.
I, or rather my artificial intelligence, has concluded that you, agent <insert name here> require the resources of this armory to fight terrorism, evil or a combination of both. Good for you, there are now cookies on the center table, made fresh this morning too![1]
Anyways, where was I...oh right, you want to combat evil with true American spirit. Thus, you need firepower, and lots of it. n00bs and IPs don't take no 'shit' (or whatever you kids say now-a-days), it's time for you to get into the know-how in anti-vandalism technology, agent.
Due to budget constraints, this system runs on...


Damnit, sorry about that, since we run on Windows that 'master' system, you need to reinput your authorization code.
Access Code <insert name here>-Alpha Six


Weapon Name Weapon Picture What You Need to Know
Personal knife Thisisaknife Knifes aren't just used to cut food, cut up those n00bs with this knife...in style!
M4 Industries Carbine MachineGun1 950 rounds a minute?! Unless the n00bs get something better[2], prepare to KICK SOME IP ASS.
XM320 Grenade Launcher Module XM320 stock extended Single-shot 40 mm grenade launcher, attachable to the M4 Carbine. Use it to open a bottle of champagne, or turn attackers into bubbling liquid.
Tank and Fabric National Machine Gun TankGuns ...yes, they build tanks with machine guns now!
"Horizon" Horizon1 "9 Gigaton nuclear warheads packed into one neat package" - Yes, you heard me...nuclear. The Uncyclopedia Armory has WMDs, but we are prepared, and that's not just for n00bs!
Anime Girl Wielding P-90 AnimeP90 It is known fact that n00bs/IPs are distracted by hot anime chicks. Give them the surprise when they find out this chick has a 900-round-a-minute machine gun.
Anime Girl Hugging the World FireFoxxy Those n00bs/IPs just love these anime chicks. If the P-90 one doesn't help, use this hot firefox to burn part of...whatever country she's burning in that picture.
Hamster with some weird point on it's head Sharphamster ...and if all other anime styles fail, just poke the n00b/IP with this...thing.
Vikings LostNewsDesk Vikings don't mess around, until they kill someone, then it gets messy. If you love that kind of gory stuff, the Vikings will take care of those n00bs!
United States Marines Readyaimfire Can't be bothered to do the dirty work? Let the US Military do the work for you. Remember, they are only here on contract, if they don't work here, it's back to the Mess Hall kitchen for them!
Cameron Phillips - Terminator CameronTerminator An armory is nothing without a Terminator, especially a Terminator who kicks ass in style.
Nail stick StickNail Standard issue Uncyclopedian Forces close-combat weapon, the nailstick has a stabbing efficiency which is unparalleled even by modern pointy things.


Weapon Name Weapon Picture What You Need to Know
Chill pills Admin-pms Administer the administrators with these things and watch their eyes turn from an evil, glowing red, back to a menacing, glowing green.
As a note, agent, if you must take all of these weapons for your anti-n00b methods, you need to learn to share...bitch. That's right, artificial intelligence knows how to mock people, shithead.

Do have a good day!

edit Footnotes

  1. Only chocolate chip cookies from greggs, Uncyclopedia cannot be responsible if traces of peanuts are in the cookies. Eat at your own risk!
  2. Or they enter godmode, those fuckers
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