- Infinity B.C.E. - God is born.
- 68498290839682373087238279 B.C.E - Satan becomes jealous when God receives more birthday presents on his birthday then he does.
- 4000 B.C.E. - God receives the universe as a birthday present and breaks it six days later.
- 3200 B.C.E - S'dhkai, a canaanite is struck down by lightning when he forgets God's birthday.
- 2500 K.F.C. - Israelites hold a birthday party for God, mistake him for a gold cow.
- 0 - God has His first child... with hilarious results!
- 1000 - God is scheduled to make a special birthday speech to the world, but cancels at the last minute.
- 1609 - Gordon Edgeway and George Bennett are fused together in a nuclear fusion reaction; the resulting matter is named Gordon Bennett.
- 1759 - Quebec City is stolen by a gang of monkeys. They are later discovered trying to sell it on a market stall in Hamburg and are sentenced to 15 hours of community service.
- 1848 - A senator is beaten and hung for suggesting equal rights for homosexuals. Just one example of how good the days of conservative family values were.
- 1873 - The Panic of 1873 begins.
- 1874 - The Drinking Binge of 1874 begins.
- 1875 - The Mother of all Headaches begins.
- 1912 - A biochemist by the name of George Brehanns declares that chewing ruled paper during your childs infancy increases the likelihood that he or she will be a writer.
- 1913 - Hilroy's stock value skyrockets. Investors rejoice.
- 1997 - National referendum in Wales - an overwhelming majority (87.13%) vote yes on a motion to send out for pizza.
- 1998 - Jenna Jameson beats off stiff competition to take an Oscar for her part in 7-Up.
- 2000 - God is scheduled to make a special birthday speech to the world from Paris, but cancels at the last minute again. Rioting ensues.
- 2001 - God gets drunk at His birthday party and passes out in Buddha´s bathroom.
- 2025 - Lost ends, God is pleased.
- 1993 - The BITCH Shelby Switzer was born. I hate her. Shes PURE.
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